To just bail on family event today?

[TottenhamCake]

We have a barbecue arranged with extended family at my cousins house, haven’t seen them for ages. I have a 9month old baby who is teething, been grouchy for days and whining non stop this morning for the last 2 hours.

im frazzled. Hardly slept and have period pains. It’s not hai fault and I feel terrible for him but it’s just exhausting and the thought of getting it together and go to a function later fills me with dread.

the event doesn’t start until 3.30- my mother was already getting frustrated with me because I suggested that we won’t be able to stay later than 6 as his bedtime is 7 🙄 if I cancel us coming completely she will go mental at me.

should I just suck it up and go?

@Castolaya

im British and I don’t understand rigid bedtimes either. Young kids are really portable!

This x 1000. I wouldn't be letting my mother dictate my attendance.

I did wonder was it a universal British thing but I guess of course not, nothing is universal in parenting.

We had big age gaps in our own children, so the younger kids routines naturally had to adapt around the older ones activities but being honest even our first was very portable.

We also had regular large family events and babies, small children and teens just came along and were minded and played with and had lots of great times well past 7 o’clock many times too.

Sometimes the fall out and stress of not going is worse. These days I don’t commit. That way bailing is much more acceptable. Go. Stay a short while and chill tomorrow instead.

All of this. Have a shower,take some Ibuprofen and go.

Rigid bedtime rules. Are they really necessary. Look at other cultures, and see how they manage.
OP someone has gone to a deal of trouble over this. Baby and you will be the stars, you will enhance their day. Give it a go for a time eh?

Extremely rude to "just bail" on the day. It's so common these days too, because you can just send a text saying sorry, not coming.

In the past you'd have had to make a phone call to the host ... which was an incentive to remember one's manners.

Some kids prefer to not be portable. Some kids get made to be portable and react by saying “fuck you and the horse you rode in on” and Mum’s life ends up like shit.

It’s basic economics - cost v benefit but the cost is a kid that doesn’t give a flying fuck about benefits for other people.

There really isn’t anything to “understand” aside from people parent in different ways.

I pity the adult DC of such poster who struggle to understand this very simple concept because I can imagine the posters such as @Castolaya and @hahabahbag cat’s bum expression when their adult DC explain a time restriction due to wanting to get back in time to settle their children for bedtime

Come again?

Interesting, you would think that would be the case in other countries who don’t have that culture but it really isn’t.

And yes before it comes up we do have two autistic kids in the family (and many others with degreeof ND) so ND kids even seem to cope with this cultural difference too.

Just go, but plan to
leave at 6 so baby’s bedtime isn’t disrupted. Anyone reasonable will understand this. You can manage 2.5 hours.

Different ways of parenting. I was one for routine before my children came along. So… yeah, I was going to be one for routine after they came along. More so - as I saw how much they thrived on it.

Is that really so difficult to understand? You do things differently. Cool.

if he's still grouchy hand him over to your mother!

I honestly don’t know why you felt my comments were directed at you rather than answering the OP.

I don’t feel they are directed at me at all.

But you seem baffled by different parenting approaches, which is, I suppose a little concerning

I can see why you need early nights!!!!!

Peculiar

It’s too late now, hopefully you’ll already be there, but with a whingey baby, a change of scene and different people around can help cheer them up, and you also sound like a bit of distraction in the form of company might help.
Is there not a granny or child there who can occupy the baby for a bit?

Not really anything to “understand”

People parent differently. The end

I always wonder how people that struggle to understand such things manage in Rl. They must exist in a constant state of bafflement

Slow clap for you you clearly never had reflux babies or babies that struggled with sleep. Mine ONLY slept upright and in silence.

any noise or light just made them scream and cry more as they were so overtired struggling with reflux and sleep. I know SO many people who struggled too.

Can you palm the grouchy baby off on the extended family when you get there and go and hide with a glass of wine/ Diet Coke (insert as appropriate)

I wonder how the likes of @Castolaya and @hahabahbag respond of their adult DC or DILs decide to do things differently to how they did things.

I think we all probably can guess.