To just bail on family event today?

[TottenhamCake]

We have a barbecue arranged with extended family at my cousins house, haven’t seen them for ages. I have a 9month old baby who is teething, been grouchy for days and whining non stop this morning for the last 2 hours.

im frazzled. Hardly slept and have period pains. It’s not hai fault and I feel terrible for him but it’s just exhausting and the thought of getting it together and go to a function later fills me with dread.

the event doesn’t start until 3.30- my mother was already getting frustrated with me because I suggested that we won’t be able to stay later than 6 as his bedtime is 7 🙄 if I cancel us coming completely she will go mental at me.

should I just suck it up and go?

Have you told them you are definitely going?

The problem with bailing out at the last minute can be that lots of people do it, thinking 'we won't be missed' and then the planned event that people have catered for, put work into and spent money on is a total washout because hardly anyone turns up.

If you or your baby are genuinely too unwell to go, of course that can't be helped, but if it's more of a 'I don't really feel up to it' then I think you should at least go for a short while.

Who needs enemies when your mum is getting in an arse with you for having to consider your baby’s bedtime.

No, don’t go. But brace yourself for your family having a tizzy and no doubt your mother bitching about you at the bbq!

Can you leave baby with his dad and you pop in for a couple of hours?

No one should be ’going mental’ at you so your mum is obviously BU.

But if you do want to see people, can you hand baby over to your partner and get a couple of hours sleep now?

I wouldn’t be too hung up on bedtime for special events like this either, maybe just bring the pram? We did a few weddings with DC around this age and made it to the bitter end as they just nodded off at some point! Although DD1 outlasted us at one of them, life and soul!

But maybe have a sleep and see how you feel when you get up.

What’s it got to do with your mum? You should be communicating directly with your host.

Is baby well enough that they could go with your partner and you get to stay home and catch up on sleep?

Won't the people there be delighted to see your baby and be keen to cuddle and entertain them so you get a break? Plus you won't be doing the cooking. One late bedtime won't hurt either, go and enjoy yourself as a break from your normal routine should help your general mood.

I’d go. It can sometimes feel like an effort to go out but I always feel better for the company and change of scene.

I'd tell my mum that I've just shit myself and feel sick

I love this 😅🤣🤣

You’re an adult…do what you want to do.

Assuming your family are good people I think you will feel better if you go. It will get you out and be a bit of a change of scene as someone above says. I’ve felt how you do and understand it but nine times out of ten teaming the effort even though it’s hard pays off in the end.

it’s also a bit rubbish for the host if you drop out a couple of hours before.

Don't go if you're not feeling well!
Why can't you tell your Mum to STFU if she has a go at you over it?

A normal Mum would have YOUR welfare as her priority.

Participate on your own terms. Have a relaxing morning now, maybe a nap or a bath and a few paracetamols and then go for an hour or so. If you’re having fun, stay longer. If not, leave.
Ignore your mother, or better still don’t tell her your plans.

Just go for an hour. It's mean to cancel last minute unless you're actually sick. Next time don't accept the invitation unless you're in a better phase with the baby.

Just stay home. Look after yourself and stop stressing. Your mother needs to STOP with the disappointment/disapproval control nonsense. It’s a family BBQ not life and death. There will be others.

🤦‍♀️ You’ll go most likely. You sound young (I’m as old as the hills!) You need to learn to do what right for yourself, in the moment.

It’s not till this evening. Can you not leave partner with baby and get some sleep and rest between now and then?

Can you go - hand the baby over and nip upstairs for a nap? If baby is 9 months then should be able to cope without you for an hour.

If you have already said yes you should go because it’s rude to not show up after someone has spent time and money on food for you but I’d definitely leave early. If you’ve not already said yes and you don’t fancy going then decline the invite and suit yourselves. You can say no to things you don’t need anybody’s permission!

I’m going to go. He’s napping now so I’ve calmed down and I’m going to try and get my head down for an hour. We will just leave when we want to leave but at least we will have gone, and like others said it saves us cooking. If he gets stroppy I’ll just palm him off to my mother 🤣

When you get there, ask for help so you can have a bit of time catching up with other adults. Someone will be happy to cuddle baby for a bit and change a nappy.
While you’re there, ask someone to pop over next weekend and watch baby while you go and get a pedicure or something. You deserve a break you know x

Great. Your mum will either love getting a cuddle or remember how tough this can be.

I wluld go. You can leave if your child struggles. It might lift you up a little...

I had to go to BBQ event yesterday. I didnt want to go... my head isn't in a good place to be smiley and I am aware I I a little sharp and honest at the moment. But I knew the hosts were putting in time/money effort. Made a deal with myself to go for an hour... ended up being the last to leave....

I’m not going to lie I have never understood how rigid bedtimes work with the real life complications that come up but I’m not from the UK and it is just not really a cultural thing here babies are probably just more portable and adaptable here.

If your baby isn’t well you can leave him at home with his other parent if he is available and go alone but no I wouldn’t cancel that is rude.

I never understand posters who suggest lying as a solution.

If you have said you are going they will have already shopped so I would go for a bit and why are you rushing home for bedtime, at that age just take a pushchair for the evening. Sounds like you didn’t want to go but too late to pull out