DD overdose. The system is broken? Any advice?

[BeethovenNinth]

I have posted about DD before. Broken by lockdown, anorexia age 12, school drop out, burn out, self harm extreme. We are five years in.

we have repeatedly been told she doesn’t qualify for help and have tried various therapists ourselves.

she is out of school and self learning. Very lonely. Seems ok recently ot so I thought.

due to intense sadness last night she took an overdose of aspirin. I suspect a cry for help and she phoned childline who got her to phone 111. (She didn’t think to wake any of us). I suspect A and E will just kick us out soon.

we are a loving family but this is a huge setback.

we are Edinburgh based, desperate desperate for the right help.

private psychiatrist? Do we suggest sertraline? Anyone in Scotland have any good suggestions?

thanks from a broken mother

I’d say the exact same things, with regard to Adult Mental Health Services too! Even a social worker commented to me:

”Yes, they are tricky!”

That’s something coming from them!

DD2’s suicide attempts started in her first year at university. She was diagnosed with ADHD in her early twenties. She has engaged in over 50 incidents of suicidal behaviour - jumping on to railway tracks or overdoses! I lost count a long time ago. She’s had three short inpatient stays as a voluntary patient, and been sectioned once, in 17 years.

She did a screening test for autism last year, and scored highly but chose not to be assessed. IMO, Adult Mental Health Services diagnose ADHD or autism; but don’t know how to tailor their treatments like CBT, for people with those conditions. DBT was the most useful treatment she had.

My advice to OP is to get private treatment for her DD, if she can possibly afford it.

I have two ND children. Both likely AuDHD (one diagnosed, one awaiting diagnosis but informally diagnosed). They are very very different in a lot of ways. However, what they both have in common is that they are intelligent, very well behaved and high masking. The autism masks the ADHD by rigid compliance with rules and fear of getting into trouble. So they would never get out of a chair or run about without permission. One daydreams and gets distracted. The other gets very anxious. Both are huge overthinkers.

If they weren't either academic or well behaved I think their issues would have been picked up far earlier.

Re the special interests... only one of mine has a long term special interest. The other jumps between dofferent interests over time. I've heard AuDHD described as like a dance between the two conditions, and its certainly true for my two.

Thats a good point. My older child was way ahead of his peers for talking, sitting up, walking, fine motor control etc.

Yes, hobby ideas would be helpful here too please

Climbing or mountain biking work for some people I know

The hobbies are interesting. I have many - sport and music - and they have got me through the highs and lows of life

my DD hasn’t really developed any. She never really stuck. She likes reading and drawing but that doesn’t translate to anything she wants to do socially. She does attend a choir with her sister but is so anxious attending that she barely eats. But we persist

I feel sure she needs to find more joy.

i would not say she was exceptional as a child in any way either. Walked at 13 months and spoke early normal. Read very well but certainly not gifted. Just a normal and bright kid.

@BeethovenNinth

How is she now, OP?

Has she been able to say why she felt such despair this weekend?

OP, my younger daughter was considered to have brilliant creative play as a child - it turned out to be repetitive and based around her being in charge. I just mention this because it shows how a particular behaviour can be interpreted differently.

We had our daughter assessed by a speech and language therapist. She told me afterwards that she had never met anyone so good at masking as our daughter.

So anyway, I wouldn't compare with other children. Like you, at one point we had no point what was going on. We had to start from scratch. School kept telling me she was fine. But this was untrue.

We ended up doing speech and language, sensory integration and Ed psych assessments. The ed psych suggested she might have adhd (we had no idea) so we followed that up ( at CAMHS) and she was diagnosed. She already had the asd diagnosis.

I would suggest you apply for the Scottish disability benefit. You don't need any diagnosis. You have to score in certain categories but you may find that she does get points eg if she can't go out on her own, can't be near knives etc. You can use the payment to fund her therapy.

Someone else mentioned equine therapy - it's worth considering. Some people believe that body based therapies work better than talking therapis. Drumming is another good one. Also dance.

I’m so sorry op. From a mother who’s been there I can recommend a psychoanalytic child therapist we used. It’s so so hard just try and look after yourself too. Dm me if you want details. Sending virtual hugs.

square thanks for checking in…. She is ok. Has been playing with her sisters and laughing. Her tummy hurts as you would expect after aspirin. She has eaten ok though and walked the dogs with me.

she says it was a build up of utter sadness. She couldn’t sleep and worked herself up to where previously she would cut herself (she doesn’t want to do that). She had stashed the aspirin and took it to fall asleep and then panicked and called Samaritans (useless) and eventually childline helped. She says she feels stupid and sad and desperate for help.

”is this still not enough for them to help me? I hate them” were her words. She says she finds the therapists (private) totally unhelpful as they just look synthetically and say how hard it’s been for her. Her words “I want someone to help me move forward whatever that looks like”.

the trigger has been her sisters returning to school I think after a summer with them.

I have cancelled all weekend plans for the next month (she had been doing well or so I thought so I finally had made some). We aren’t going to leave her in the day for more than an hour which is a work juggle. I phone various private providers tomorrow. We have worked up a plan of this happens again - she is to put the TV on downstairs and sleep with the dogs for example. I have given her melatonin to help her sleep (I have a private stash from when I was abroad for me) and I have her one last night and that helped her sleep (why couldn’t that have been offered to her before now I don’t know).

im scared but we are all a bit calmer.

oh - and all the paracetamol and dog drugs are hidden. Not the knives. I know this from the self harm people.

I also did a tonne of reading about autism - also with her - I just cannot see it. None of it. We both want to as an explanation. She did however say she developed OCD in primary seven (after she had had Covid weirdly) in the form of having to touch lampposts or she said she worried we would all die. Classic OCD after a virus…. That OCD has gone now though so it’s not the whole story.

if you have read this far then thanks. One day some good shall come of this

I haven't read everyone's replies so apologies if this is repeating things.
If you haven't had one yet I suggest a sensory assesment. I see you say she doesn't have any sensitivities to lights, sound etc but she does self harm so she could be overly tolerate of stimulus. So it takes her longer to recognise when she is sad or stressed, this would explain why it seems to come out of no where.
This would mean she needs more input than average to feel better. Have a google of proprioception and high sensory tolerance see if anything fits.

Does she do (can she do) any physical movement, is she eating enough to go for fast walking etc?

I did wonder whether it was something to do with schools going back and feeling very left out, OP.

That must be difficult.

Could she have an understanding Home Tutor who would help her study towards a Higher in her favourite subject this academic year?

I assume that she has done her Nat 5 qualifications, apologies if I am mistaken.

@BeethovenNinth sorry you're going through this

Have you come across Penumbra? Charity for people who self harm

thank you beetle

deft this is exactly it. Exactly as you describe. Since becoming unwell, she is much more sensitive from a sensory perspective. I know this is a neurodiverse trait in itself. This is one of her biggest issues. What does it mean? Is it brain inflammation?

dancing yes I have and they did give her some counselling which helped a little

square she was doing Nat 5s and aced her prelims (she is smart) but I had to pull her out of school (the self harm was literally killing her). Next plan is online higher and she has some online tutors. It’s not my preference but for now it works as she is good at working alone.

she remains desperately lonely. I noticed in the hospital she seemed to enjoy talking to the different nurses etc. she has done volunteering and enjoys it but she really needs more. She says groups of teens now terrify her as she has been stuck at home pretty much since 2021 except for the three months last year she made school (but had no friends as they have all moved on and I think she is seen as strange as she disappeared)

she enjoys exercise. It’s been difficult as she had disordered eating so long but she does Pilates and yoga at home online. She walks: that’s it really. I have suggested a gym…..

F

I think that it's worth waiting until she has the support of a Psychiatrist before creating new openings for exercising, OP.

It's just that anorexia and gyms can be a tricky mix, especially for young women.

I was wondering whether Exercise on Prescription might exist in your area.

It is something the GP would know about. He/she would suggest an option which is perfect for her.

I really really would explore ASD. And find a private psychiatrist you can discuss this and medication with. Don’t keep struggling alone. It felt like came out of nowhere when dd turned 10 …

She doesnt have to join a gym, walking is extremely good for depression, the left/right rhythm is very therapeutic. Also as someone says above drumming is well known for this

Psychiatrists will more or less focus on the medical model and wont be adept at looking holistically at the whole body.

I think it’s totally reasonable to exclude autism if you don’t think it fits. It could be she has ocd or something else. All of which needs properly assessed by a dr and I am shocked reading your posts by how little has been done to support your daughter. It is really scary to think of young people going through this, desperate for help and it made me angry when you described your GPs reaction. I’m in Edinburgh too and I have found the paediatrician etc very helpful but even with a diagnosis of a young child you are then left in your own to figure out how to support them. It can be very lonely.

Before you discount autism please have a read through this first:

autisticgirlsnetwork.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Keeping-it-all-inside.pdf

We are in Edinburgh and found Edinburgh Practice fantastic for different mental health issues. No cheap but they have a range of specialists so I am sure they can advise.