AIBU to refuse extra in-laws and children at our wedding?

[Stuclandconfused]

Getting married in four weeks.

Brother1’s and Sister’s kids are bridesmaids, apart from our son, they are only kids. Partner doesn’t have nieces or nephews.

My dad gave us £10,000 with no strings but asked if we could invite siblings’ in-laws so they could see grandkids in their finery.

No problem!

NOW MiL wants partner’s brother’s in-laws invited in case they think we’re homophobic. We’re not!

AND Brother2’s partner of 15 months wants her parents and her two kids invited, two kids I have met twice.

We’re saying no to both!

6 extra that we don’t know and two kids at our child free ish wedding. These kids have their own father.

Brother2 not even living with her.

YANBU

Stand firm.

so they could see grandkids in their finery.

That's what photos are for. Say no to the random strangers attending your wedding, of course.

Although I think inviting the other set of distant in-laws is a bit weird!

Although I think inviting the other set of distant in-laws is a bit weird!

I don’t have issues with nieces’ other grandparents as I kind of know them and sister’s in-laws have invited us to meals and picked up bill. I think that’s nice that we invite them.

But the others No.

YABU for inviting half your siblings’ in-laws and not the other half. If you’re happy having some complete randomers there, I can see why people think it’s an open invite.

Brother2 seems embarrassed rather than annoyed.

They are not randomers. I have met them reasonably often and their grandkids are attendants.

Brother2’s partner. I hardly know her let alone her parents. I have never met the parents.

Yanbu. They are not your family, they are their family why would you invite them? Also the kids of the girlfriend 15 months isn't a long time what's to say they don't spilt up in a years time?

If it's a church wedding it's an open invitation anyway, so I don't see the harm. Inviting randomers though suggests a paid for place at the reception table - absolutely not!

Does brother2 live with his girlfriend and her kids?

Sorry, have I got this right, a woman who has been dating her boyfriend for 15 months would like her parents to be invited to her boyfriend’s sibling’s wedding?
On what planet is that a normal expectation?

Lol @ the 10k coming with no strings but then very much coming with strings.

the money wasn’t “no strings” at all! come one, come all - this is why couples elope

I was going to ask if her dad was a piano 😁

No I am defending my dad. No stings at all. He gave it to me and then months later asked and even offered additional money.

Brother2 lives half the time with her but not her kids. They each have own house.

She is invited as his plus 1.

Your wedding, your choice 🙂

Thats like the way it should be. Mad to think she should have her parents and kids there! Stick to your guns.

Surely 4 weeks before is too late for extras anyway? We had to give our final numbers 6 weeks before! Plus the cost for 6 random
extras!!
Even without the last minute numbers for the venue people are being ridiculous expecting to invite extras! Why on earth would you want people at your wedding whom you’ve never met or don’t really have a relationship with!!
I’d say invite them to the evening do if you have spare capacity but I certainly wouldn’t be inviting them to the day do!!

My brother has been with his partner 10
years and they have a child together and I didn’t invite her parents to my wedding! It all sounds absolutely ridiculous!!

Weddings these days seem to cause nothing but arguments!

True. I got married in church and one of Dh's groomsmen's mothers turned up with his 2 little sisters as they wanted to watch. We didn't mind. There was also a few other random too like mils church friends.
Not a problem but of course they stay in the background.

Yes I’d never expect my parents to be invited to BIL’s wedding even though I’ve been with DH 10 years and have two children. Inviting siblings’ in laws is not a general norm I don’t think. But at least in that scenario this woman would have a basis for her expectation, since the other brother’s in laws are invited. (Not that I think she could demand it, but just a general sense of “oh I assumed that they were inviting their sibling’s in laws so that would include my parents”)
But 15 months is just a completely bizarre.

I don't quite get how the BILs are related, but presuming they aren't the siblings of the bride/groom no need and they are very unlikely to expect an invite and see it as a homophobic snub.

I was a maid of honour at my best friends wedding. My nan wanted to see me all doled up so she came to the church to see us all go in. I even had a photo with her. Everyone happy. No one needed a personal invite to the whole shebang.