AIBU to call 2yo overnight while away?

[feelinglikealoser]

I'm going away for a week without my 2yo.. his dad and I are separated and share custody.. I'm going to miss him so so much and would like to call him every evening to say goodnight ..my ex has agreed to every other night but not sure he will agree to every night.. am I being selfish to ask this?

Honestly, I think this is one of those co-parenting moments that should be child-led.

If your child ends up being upset (due to missing you) after a phonecall, but is settled otherwise, then I wouldn't want to cause upset..

Whereas if your child is really happy, comforted by that, then I'd want to facilitate it.

What would you do if the tables were turned for your ex?

I think you're being totally understandably selfish and not thinking in the best interests of your DC. Call during the day, not at bed time. And I don't think everyday is necessarily the best idea.

I apprieciate it will be hard but honestly less is more for them. When mine were that little they would be happy and settled with dad if I rang they'd remember i was gone and get upset! You need a planned call in the week and then an understanding that if child wants to speak to you it will be facilitated.

Everyday is way too much.

I apprieciate it will be hard but honestly less is more for them. When mine were that little they would be happy and settled with dad if I rang they'd remember i was gone and get upset! You need a planned call in the week and then an understanding that if child wants to speak to you it will be facilitated.

Everyday is way too much.

Don't phone him at night as a pp said phone him during the day, phoning him at bedtime might upset him and that isn't fair on his dad is it ?

Not needed
he is two. Leave him to settle.
just ask him to send you daily/regular update. Child had a good day all well.

Yanbu to want to speak to your baby every single day, but maybe during the day is better. Has he done a week away before from you op?

This is so unfair on the child. Stop putting your own wants first. He will be happy and settled with his dad. He doesn’t need confusing with a phone call from you in the evening when he is tired that will then be cut off. So horribly selfish.

Honestly I think that could be very selfish of you and upsetting for your child. My friend was away recently and mentioned that her child got very upset when she rang. I would ask your ex to send updates/pictures but I think phoning will be upsetting for the child.

I honestly wanted to call (yes because I miss him) but because I thought he would miss me want to speak to his mum but after all the 'selfish' comments on here I can see people have very strong feelings about about it!

Thankyou @Makebelieveanotherlifeno he hasn't done a week away from me before so just feels like a very long time.

Speaking gently, as I understand how you feel. This would have really upset and unsettled my 2 year old x

I wouldn't phone at all. It'll unsettle him so much.

I wouldn't do every night - it's not fair on your ex and could potentially cause a lot of upset for your 2yo.

I've had to travel for 1-2 weeks away for work several times since my kids were born. My experience has been that before age 3, the calls home were more upsetting for them than not, especially around bedtime. This was true even when they asked to speak to me and DH suggested the call.

I understand why you want to do it. I don't think it will be best for your DC.

I travelled a lot when my twins were small. Speaking to them didn’t help anyone so I stopped. I still have to travel now they’re older but I can just drop them a text.

I wouldn't call, it's likely to cause him upset. Just ask ex to text you and let you know how he is. Calling him just before bed would be the worst thing to do. Trust that he will be ok with his other parent.

Does his father call him every night to say goodnight when you have him @feelinglikealoser and vice versa ? If so then this an established pattern and you shouldn't change it just because you are on holiday/away. If not, same thing applies.

Thankyou so much everyone for your advice .. the last thing I want to do is unsettle him or upset him.. I think I just didn't want him thinking I wasn't missing him or thinking about him. Thankyou very much, I'm very grateful x

I think I would leave it to the dad to decide at the time, a few day time calls might be better. I imagine a call to mum in the run up to bed could be unsettling for a 2 year old.

It is up to the dad in this case not up to you

You clearly love your ds very much and are thinking of him. Every child is different, but I'd agree with other posters - kids that age often find phone calls upsetting rather than comforting.

How is your co-parenting relationship? Could you agree with his dad that you will all play it by ear, seeing how ds is doing and if he's asking for you etc. And would dad send you photos/a quick update to make the separation easier on you?

My husband travels all the time. My toddler never speaks to him every day and most calls when we do end with her getting very upset or frustrated. I can only imagine it would be 10 times the reaction if it was me who was the one that was virtual.

It is fine for your son not to miss you surely you want him to be happy and settled with his dad ? Not being upset because he isn't with you is a good thing.

A bit of a different perspective here - me and my partner have both travelled for work since little one was about a year. We have a routine of calling at dinner time for a few minutes when little one is already sat down so it doesn’t feel disruptive. This is also when we call grandparents so it’s part of their normal week. If you have anything similar where you can fit in the call without it seeming a “new” thing that might work. Agree bedtime not ideal though even for ours who is used to mum or dad being away.