To be fed up with DD19’s lack of job hunting

[Labloverr]

DD decided against Uni despite DH and I having concerns. She assured us she would work hard to find a full time job and that she was ‘desperate’ to move out and establish some independence. This was music to our ears as we’d get our house back after 19 years and she would start the next chapter of her life.

The reality has been very different. After a few months of trying to find work, she’s more or less given up and just moans about how hard it is. There’s no sign of her moving out any time soon and I’m beginning to resent this slightly. She has friends who are thriving at Uni and living away, but she’s stuck under our noses here.

Can anyone give me some encouragement that things do get better eventually?!

DD is right that finding a job can be really hard now. Sounds as if she's got a bit depressed about it. But going to uni isn't a good idea unless she really wants to.
You could tell her you don't like her being at home unemployed and she must find at least a part time course to give her a sense of purpose and hopefully lead to some kind of work or further training.

Has she applied for UC @Labloverr? That will help with NI credits but they may also encourage her to apply for jobs and give her some guidance.

I think at this point she might benefit from some charity work which will give her transferable skills and references.

What kind of work is she after? Jobs are a little scarce right now and she might be best getting an entry level job like bar work to show that she has a good work ethic.

Has she asked friends if there are any jobs where they work? That’s usually a good way to get your first job.

And what does she do all day? Does she do housework? If not I’d print off some daily basics and laminate them then ask her to do them each day. TOMM has some free printables and the daily jobs take around 30 minutes.

The advice I always give it to have these conversations somewhere neutral though, like a coffee shop, as it seems to keep everyone calm.

I also agree with stopping any payments for her, so no pocket money, no clothes or make up, stop paying for her mobile if you’re doing that and any other subscriptions or memberships. She needs some motivation to earn some money for herself.

You could suggest talking to social welfare. They're only dying to get unemployed people into work or schemes. They have loads of options and it could lead to a good job going through the right people

Ok. Its August so cut her some slack as job hunting is demoralising

but sit her down and explain that post BH weekend she needs to pull finger out and find a source of income. It can be retail; apprenticeship, anything! She needs to earn

presumably you have lost any child benefits (if you were claiming) and cant afford to
keep an adult

@NerrSnerr

lowered himself? You sound clueless

This could be the type of job he has to do every day if he doesn’t work hard? I can guarantee you those people are working hard and probably working more than one job.

Two different issues here.

1. You shouldnt really have the attitude of getting rid of her from under your feet. I hope that was just a figure of speech and a sign of your frustration.

2. Your child is being lazy. I dont buy the no jobs thing. Bare minimum is a job at Macdonalds, local petrol station, supermarket etc etc. Both my children did this before getting their main jobs. Its easy and gets them into good habits. After that you can start trying to direct her towards a career.

Internet off. Gadgets off. Chores every single day. Cooking. Cleaning etc etc etc. Make it so they want to go to work, at least they would be getting paid for it.

what a horrible way to speak about your child!!!! I was devastated each time one of mine moved out. She is only 19

Probably a confidence thing and she's got no idea how to go about it.

Help her with CV/indeed, point out local café and retail jobs, anywhere that's advertising, tell her the first step is the hardest and she'll be fine once she's started. Tell her every young person has to do this and she's got lots going for her etc

Sitting around all day is not good for her and the longer it goes on the worse she's going to feel.

Is pushing her to move out actually what's best for her in the long run? Wouldn't it be much better to let her stay home but encourage her to get a job and save for a house deposit? Rent is extortionate. Forcing her to move out when likely on a minimum wage job is going to set her up for a very rough ride. Have you sat down with her and talked about what she actually wants to do?

How the OP speaks about her daughter leaves something to be desired certainly, but surely being “devastated” when your children move out is taking things to the other extreme?

She doesn't need a service to prepare CVs and applications though. Her CV is blank. It presumably just says work experience if she did that in year 10/11.

Plus she's not interested in getting a job. She's given up trying. So no fancy CV writing company can change her defeatist attitude.

Why on earth would you have concerns about your DD not going to uni 3 of mine didn't. Sounds like you can't wait to get rid of her. That can't make her feel great. She is only 19. I still have 3 at home mid and late 20s they are still saving to move out as it is so expensive where we live. It is very hard to get jobs at the moment. Even all the people that leave uni will struggle to find work.

I wonder if DD is particularly "challenging". You can love your child, liking them can be a lot harder sometimes.

People are coming g after the op for sounding harsh in the op, which she does…. But if her daughter has been hanging about the house, moaning and not working for over a year now, I can understand why this might be a little trying! So many posters just attacking her or picking apart other posts, not helpful.

Sorry but that is definitely not my stance, I have brought my kids up to be respectful, within reason, to all. We definitely do not look down on anyone, we may be academics but lack practical skills so lucky for us there are other ppl who have talents that we possess.

Do you always turn parenting into a competitive sport? You were devastated so you must love your children more, well done 👏🏻

Awful way to talk about your own child, however frustrated you may be.

Maybe it’s another made up thread as I see the OP hasn’t returned, or maybe she’s embarrassed as how cold and hard she sounds.

A CV doesn't need to be blank due to lack of work. They may have shown leadership skills in school, in clubs, have done voluntary work, fund raising.
The idea that the OPs DD has given up may not be true, it is very discouraging when lots of time is spent applying for positions but frequently you don't even get an acknowledgement. This is often due to so many applications, and not a reflection of application.

So your stance is that people in customer service and manual jobs are only deserving of respect “within reason”? 🤭

What was discussed/agreed when she decided not to go to uni? Did she/you really think she was going to be able to walk into a decent full-time job with zero work experience? Has she had any help/guidance with her applications? Interview skills? Help her, or point her at people who can help her. She needs to get a job, any job, and start building her work ethic, without pressure from her parents to move out so they can get their house back!

Yeah maybe. I guess she's competing against graduates for the same entry level jobs.

I really hope it’s fake.

The PP’s that seem to have more problems with the daughter than the mother are also quite disturbing to me.

She is so young still i agree with other comments. You are being very harsh. My son is at home and he is 23 years old he can live with me as long as he wants to!

Why are you so desperate to get her out of the house? She’s only 19.

Maybe she should rethink not going to uni?