Do you leave your teens alone in the holidays?

[blueysmum88]

Ds is 14. I have younger dc too. During the holidays I find it really hard to meet everyone’s needs. I have managed to book one day off work to spend exclusively with ds14 - had a nice lunch and went to the cinema. We’ve also been on a family holiday. The rest of the time he is left to his own devices which usually includes looking at a screen (phone or ps) or kicking a football around the garden. Sometimes he sees friends but doesn’t seem very proactive in making arrangements.

He absolutely doesn’t want to come on kiddies days out to farms and soft play with me and the little ones and I’m obviously not going to force him. But I feel really bad that he is on his own so much over the holidays. On one afternoon the little ones had their paints out at the table and he came and joined them and did some painting of his own but this was a one off. Having an age gap makes it very hard and I feel like I’m neglecting him.

How much do you see of your teens during the holidays? Do you insist they join in with things or leave them to it?

I was left alone all the time at 14. No way would I went on family days out at that age. I preferred it.

Is he going away on holiday? Or has been?

Are you together with his father?

Yes. My youngest is 14 and older DC are away this week so youngest is on his own when I'm at work. Today I'm not at work and he's just lazing around on Xbox and has no interest in being with me!

My eldest stays home most of the time when I take my youngest out. He prefers it. He loves to come mooch around the big shopping mall when we go or see his mates but otherwise he's happy sleeping, gaming or eating at home. It's normal for teens!

My three were close in age and yes I'd leave them alone in the holidays when their dad and I had to work. Luckily they got on, so I knew there'd be no trouble.

They didn't get to laze around though, I'd leave a list of small household jobs to be done before we got home.

OP, it sounds like you're doing your best. I love that you had a day exclusively with your teen. I definitely wouldn't expect him to want to join in with outings for smaller children.

My 13 year old is mostly left to her own devices but she has a hobby which usually takes up a couple of days a week over the summer and she is out with friends a lot as well. So she's not often hanging out at home alone (except for the long lie ins).

In your shoes I wouldn't feel bad that you're not hanging out with him, it's certainly not neglect to leave a teenager alone and most wouldn't want to spend the holiday with parents and younger siblings anyway. But I'd try to encourage him to get out with friends a bit more or find something else to get him out of the house more regularly - a gym membership maybe?

Read the op

I was home alone all day during the holidays from 12. I loved it.

Ok so he’s been on holiday… how was that? He enjoyed?

Even when I'm home with my 14 year old (just the two of us), its really hard to get her to do anything with me

My eldest is (mature)11 yet I appreciate I'm not there yet into the teens years so feel free to ignore me. But if you're wanting to spend time with him could you do some one on one time on the evenings when younger ones are in bed. What we do is play a two player game like it takes two/split fiction on the playstation or we will watch a series he is into. Maybe pick something around his interests? Can be a nice way to still keep that connection going.

Mostly though at that age they are entertaining themselves. I would always keep a invitation open for him to join but not force the days out.

If he enjoyed the painting which he must of to join in. I'd maybe do that weekly and include him more. Make it fun, paint eachothers portraits or whatever he is interested in. Just create moments for him to join or be part of things. I think as they get older it's difficult for them to join in the same ways but important we let them know we want their presence. In the least demanding or cringe way we can 😂

Teens like chill out at home. Teens like hanging out with their friends at the shopping centre, swimming pool, bowling, cinema. Teens do not enjoy soft play. Some might enjoy a farm or zoo if they animals. I think you are being harsh on yourself. 🎉

What does DS say? Is happy as it is at the moment?

Yes he seems to be happy. He is always invited to places and chooses to stay home. I do try and go to the gym with him and he also has a sport that he trains for during the holidays so it’s not all screens and sobbing about. I just feel pulled in every direction during the holidays - work, kids, teen - and it always seems to be him who is left alone.

My 14 yr old happily stays at home by herself, and more often than not chooses to. She also arranges things with her friends regularly.

What others are doing is irrelevant. This is the conversation you should be having with your son. How does he feel about being left alone? If he says he loves it, then there is clearly nothing further to worry about.

I have a big age gap and I spend ages trying to find activities that they both might want to do. But most of the time, my teen wants to hang out at home on his own or with his friends. If he does occasionally agree to come out with us, I get stupidly overjoyed about it 😂

His father and I are not together. He does spend time with him during the holidays but is mostly with me.

My DS 15 prefers to be left alone. He’s been out a few times with friends, swimming, cinema beach and a sleepover. I’ve only insisted on 2 days out and we have had a weekend away doing something that he enjoys.
DH & I arranged a last mini weekend away and he was invited but wasn’t interested so is staying home with older DC.

Most dc are left at home whilst parents work by 12+ mins certainly were. Dc1 never wanted to come on days out if I took the day off anyway

You talk about farms etc, are you working or are you looking after younger children?

My teens are close in age and the eldest prefers to stay at home - gaming, reading and doom scrolling.

Tbh when said teen comes out with me, it inevitably turns into an expensive shopping trip or arguments with younger teen, so I don’t push it anymore.