That not all men in the workplace are creeps

[Littleredhen39]

My daughter is doing a summer internship. She was only looking for work experience so had sent out her CV to various places in the industry she is interested in to ask for maybe a day or so of work experience.

She mostly got ‘no’s but the offer speaking to people on their graduate programmes for an insight - all great. She then got an e-mail back from a chap saying they have just opened a new office and there maybe scope to take on a summer internship at relatively short notice. Amazing!

She works very closely with this man / in his 60’s my daughter is 19 and has learned a lot from him and was very excited at the prospect of coming back again next summer for another internship.

Anyway she felt a little uneasy about how much he was singing her praises and spoke to someone on the graduate scheme in the office who told her is a creep. He tried to kiss this graduate and kept sending her messages and then blanked her for a long time after she rejected him. The graduate then mentioned that it’s the same everywhere she no point complaining or leaving. My daughter is now upset that harrassment in the workplace is still a big issue and she doesn’t want to work there and is worried about meeting the same elsewhere. Naively assumed ‘me too’ had sorted this.

I work in a very female dominated industry so not really had issues - but also all work places have a resident creep? I did tell her this chap has not done anything to you and to make sure she keeps her boundaries!

I work in a male dominated industry and we have no creeps. It sounds like your daughter isn’t being sexually harassed though? So unless that changes there is no issue right? Random woman who won’t report anything and thinks everyone is a creep could be the anomaly here, but if not and your DD notices something to worry about she can deal with it then

I’ve spent 25 years in investment banking, so a lot of men, many of them arrogant arseholes, but no creeps. In this day and age I like to think the vast majority of people understand how to behave in the workplace.

No man I work with is ever inappropriate. To be honest I’ve been lucky that I’ve never met a creepy man at work since I started working at 16.

I’ve worked with a few creepy men, but the vast majority have not been (at least, they’re not been creepy towards me or towards anyone else that I’m aware of).

ETA - the creepy men I worked with were when I worked for a very very small company with a horrible culture, and where they were friends with the boss/owner, so could basically do whatever they wanted.

I've never worked with a man that was a creep. Even when I was a shy teen who would probably be an easy target they were nothing but respectable. I'd suggest that your DD doesn't take what she hears as gospel, people do lie and exaggerate things. It may be true but it equally may not be.

I also work in a male-dominated industry and have done for over 30 years. I've met the odd creep but they walk among us in all areas of life, right? The majority have been absolutely fine.

My office had one creep. He was fired and reported to the police. He is still being a creep through phone calls but I have to say that the company reacted very quickly to his creepyness. But it was quite bad so no grey area. We do have few creepy women who love to tell sexist misogynistic "jokes" and every conversation includes a sex reference. But they're management so it is what it is

I worked with two creepy men when I was a teenager (at different jobs), but that was back in the 1980s. Absolutely nothing inappropriate for literal decades now!

I met my DH at work. He's not a creep.

I am a lone female working as office manager in a large building maintenance company. I come into contact with about 25-40 men daily. In my 12 years here there has been one incidence of creepy behaviour/harassment. He was sacked.

I've only ever worked with one creepy man. He was gay so only creepy towards other men. Other than this, the dozens of other men I have worked with have not been even vaguely creepy.

I have worked in three different places and never had any creepy behavior from the men I worked with. The men in my current workplace are absolute gents.

Funny, I was talking to my (80yo) mother about this only yesterday. She was very pretty when young (blond, slim etc). She said there was a lot of sexual harassment, but she also said there were a lot of men who'd defend you. She even recalled one man ("the perfect English gentleman," she called him), who had been a fighter pilot in WW2 (spitfires etc). When she had to go across the road to another office, a man there made advances on her which upset her a lot (she was only 17). She got back to her usual office and this ex-pilot saw her crying. She told him what had happened and he very quietly and gently told her not to worry, disappeared across the road, then came back and said "he'll give you no more trouble my dear," and that was that.

Her general verdict was that men were both worse and better at the same time. On the one hand, you had far more groping and nastiness, but on the other, the ideal of 'the gentleman' still existed, and so did the idea that a man was supposed to defend a woman. Today we've kind of lost both – men don't dare touch a woman unless she gives consent, but neither do they aspire to be 'gentleman' either.

Has the man in question actually done anything to your DD or made her feel uncomfortable in any way OP? That's the real issue isn't it.

I've never personally had any issues with men at work but obviously it does happen.

Nothing bad has happened to your DD, it may well be he is pleased with how well she is working out. We don't know what happened between him and the graduate, it wasn't bad enough for her to report it apparently. As other's have said on this thread it is pretty rare these days. You judge people how you find them and it sounds like it's been a really good experience for your DD and she is fore warned if he is a creep, she should just keep her professional boundaries and not give any opportunity for anything untoward, but that is common sense anyway.

But its surely just hearsay from this other woman, if your daughter has not seen any evidence of improper behaviour?

I used to work in a male dominated industry, did so for about 20 years. No creeps, they were all great to work with, so many laughs. I experienced one awful creep when I was volunteering somewhere unfortunately.

As far as I can tell this man has just been really friendly and going out of his way to train her and compliment her on her work. After hearing this backstory she now is suspicious of his motives I did say to her that he may find her attractive but as long as he remains professional we can’t police his thoughts. She has a slight tendency to let her brain run away with her and become paranoid.

Same here. Male-dominated workplaces and never had a creep. And my employment history goes back to the 1980s.

Very rarely do I have to deal with creeps now I am in my 50's

at 17 when I started work and up until my late 20's sadly it was a regular occurrence, I also didn't recognise that some of the behaviour was creepy I naively thought these men were just being friendly (taking me out for lunch/coffee)

I think it is better she is aware that there are many men who are predatory in their behaviour and that she is more likely to come across them than not and that if she feels uncomfortable she can speak to you or someone about this without her actions being judged

My workplace had one pretty bad creep, he would stand too close or 'accidently' brush past, but that was back in 2003-10, he's long gone now. There's not been a creep since, not to my knowledge, and that's amoung 100s of employees.

I feel pretty confident that if someone like the guy 20 years ago worked here he wouldn't even last a year. My workplace has become far more aware and has harassment training, and the ratio of women to men us now just about equal (in senior and junior positions).

I worked nearly 30 years in male dominated workplaces.

There were lots of sexist attitudes and some remarks that I shouldn't have let go. Lots and lots of extra marital affairs, but IME the young women "exploited" by older men knew what they were doing. It wasn't hard to avoid.

This could also just be gossip…..

I've probably had 40 jobs in my working life.
I've only ever met one creepy man.
He was suggestive and stood too close.
Initially it was brushed off as different cultural norms.
Andrew was Hungarian.
He was eventually asked to leave due to the number of women and a few other men documenting the behaviour