That not all men in the workplace are creeps

[Littleredhen39]

My daughter is doing a summer internship. She was only looking for work experience so had sent out her CV to various places in the industry she is interested in to ask for maybe a day or so of work experience.

She mostly got ‘no’s but the offer speaking to people on their graduate programmes for an insight - all great. She then got an e-mail back from a chap saying they have just opened a new office and there maybe scope to take on a summer internship at relatively short notice. Amazing!

She works very closely with this man / in his 60’s my daughter is 19 and has learned a lot from him and was very excited at the prospect of coming back again next summer for another internship.

Anyway she felt a little uneasy about how much he was singing her praises and spoke to someone on the graduate scheme in the office who told her is a creep. He tried to kiss this graduate and kept sending her messages and then blanked her for a long time after she rejected him. The graduate then mentioned that it’s the same everywhere she no point complaining or leaving. My daughter is now upset that harrassment in the workplace is still a big issue and she doesn’t want to work there and is worried about meeting the same elsewhere. Naively assumed ‘me too’ had sorted this.

I work in a very female dominated industry so not really had issues - but also all work places have a resident creep? I did tell her this chap has not done anything to you and to make sure she keeps her boundaries!

I'm confused? So she went on an internship, learned a load of great stuff from this guy (who as far as I can tell, didn't try anything on with her?) then someone else says something about him, so second hand information and now she doesn't want to go back because he said good things about her?

Ehhhhh......???

What did I miss?

When I started my job (that I'm still in) we had the biggest creep

He liked em young (first job and didn't understand their rights) and we'd warn all new starters about him

I was too old for him (then,I was in my 30's) but suffered quite a bit from his behaviour (he didn't like me)

Unfortunately,he was the main boss and up the arse of the bigger bosses (a real boy's club)

It came to a head when he came on to and made one young girl very uncomfortable

All the females (and a few men) ganged together and made a complaint (which was ignored and we where told not to make a fuss) and then all the men got involved as well and together we kicked up a fuss (which they couldn't ignore)

He was 'let go' (suspended for a year on full pay and then handed in his notice rather than be sacked) and his wife (who still works there) kicked up a real fuss but was ignored-our voices together where too strong

His Facebook status with his simpering goodbye was sickening-he couldn't see what he'd done wrong-his type never will

Didn't make us popular but it needed to be done-all the next bosses after him have been female (and useless)

It's sickening that it still goes on in this day and age

I work in a male dominated industry and have come across a few creeps. Our policy is clear though, everyone has training and those crossing very clear boundaries will be and have been sacked. Its often come out at Xmas parties when boundaries have been overstepped.

That said we have also dealt with unsubstantiated cases, young women complaining about older men 'creeping them out' when they cant articulate why which can be very damaging to everyone's reputation. In this case the guy has supported your dd and done nothing to her. Maybe the other person is telling the truth, maybe she is envious that your dd is getting on better in the scheme - who knows.

I think the best advice is for dd, and the guy tbf, to not to put themselves in any potentially risky 121 situations. Unless anything has happened to her she needs to stay away from the drama imo

No creeps here, thank god. I've come across one or two back in the 80s when I started working, but times have changed. Where I work now it would be dealt with, pronto.

I was thinking the same , hes encouraged her , praised he work and ( it sounds like ) there were absolutely no issues of inappropriate behaviour this guy can't do right at all can he .

I just thought i might have read it wrong, but apparently not.

Also male dominated industry, no creeps here

I've been freelance for years now but I had to deal with creeps in almost every company I worked for. I'm a gobby Glaswegian so I was more than able to deal with inappropriate comments/behaviour from male colleagues but I once had to ask my manager to move me to another account because my client was making inappropriate advances and my job involved a lot of travel and face-to-face meetings on his turf. It's a shit fact of life but where there's men, there's going to be the occasional pig so your DD will need to figure out how to deal with that.

I'm astonished at so many women claiming to work with zero male creeps.

I have worked with numerous creeps over the years, and in my current role I can think of two men who make me distinctly uncomfortable as an adult woman who I wouldn't trust with a bargepole.

Here we have a woman who has been advised to be careful of a man who has tried to sexually assault another young woman in the same workplace. The victim of the sexual assault is already so jaded that she says there's no point in reporting it or moving elsewhere as it's the same everywhere.

Apart from anything else, it tells me this is not a supportive or safe workplace where such behaviour can be safely challenged.

It is a realistic possibility that the other young woman is trying to protect this one from the same experience, and I'm appalled at the immediate leap others are making to saying she's lying to stop another woman succeeding.

So much for "believe the victims", eh?

That’s a bit dramatic, it’s not like there are lots of people on here accusing the other woman of lying, a few have said there could be another angle, which of course there could be.

Also I’m not ‘claiming’ to not work with creeps, I don’t work with creeps, not every place is full of them.

What a sexist thing to say. Of course most men are fine, just as most women aren't giggling little barbies who are only in the office to show off their pink shoes and hunt for a man. Stereotypes really don't help. After the terror attacks in the noughties, my uncle used to say people pulled away from brown men, even though he was the loveliest person you could meet, but people judged him for sex and skin colour. Let's try to give up sexist and racist prejudices.

It's OK to be cautious but surely a much more productive way of thinking about it is to have a plan of action should anything happen. "Me too" hasn't sorted anything out for her generation. It merely normalised calling people out. So that's what she should do if something happens. Otherwise, she may find herself not being able to work anywhere at all. After all, it's not like she is able to ask during an interview whether a company employes creepy men...

I’ve been working on corporate offices since 1997. I’ve never come across a real creep. I had one inappropriate comment back in early 2000s and I dealt with it very quickly on the spot

I’ve never worked anywhere with this kind of environment. I went from higher education establishments to the civil service, very left leaning and if anything “woke” if I can use such an over used phrase! I haven’t dealt with sexual harassment, however, I’ve dealt with a lot of sexual inequality, my current industry is tech and male dominated, I am often the only woman in the room. On more than one occasion I have had the situation where I’ve given advice, it’s been challenged, a man has said the same thing and it was accepted. The same men who think they’re “allies” of course….

DH is military and he is constantly hearing of issues of sexual harassment, honestly if I had a daughter I’d be terrified if she joined up.

No. Most workplaces would not accept behaviour like that in this day and age. Most men are not creeps very weird to jump to this conclusion from one encounter. She should report him.

If she feels he is a creep then don’t persuade her he isn’t. This generation are very different compared to what we would have over looked.

Is it the same every where? No. But I’m also a mum that had to talk to my dd on the phone and guide her through her work place and get her to walk out after she was having a panic attack as the boss wouldn’t leave her alone. He was the CEO of a magazine and she was his P.A

So yes it does happen - of course it does.

I have worked with quite a few creeps in my time, but I am not really getting from you post that this man is being a creep. He is singing her praises which is not the same as being a creep.

My son is currently on a summer internship and his female manager is also singing his praises. I doubt she fancies him. Most 60 year old men also don’t fancy teenagers.

I'm the first, and only, woman in my department. Some of them are hard work (as are some women!), but they're not creeps. Sure, there might be the odd one in some workplaces (I've come across one in nearly 10 years of a male-dominated industry), but they're not everywhere.

A lot of you here are so naive! You've probably never had a problem with creeps because you're simply unattractive/old.

You've missed that she is obviously reviewing his 'kindness' towards her in light of another woman warning her is a predator.
She is no doubt questioning whether his interest in her work, his attention and compliments were a genuine indication he valued her professionally or just an excuse to sniff round her.
She is probably also wondering if she is at risk of being in the position of the other unfortunate young woman and one day he will escalate then make life uncomfortable if she rebuffs him.
She may even fear he will assault her if she's alone with him.
I find it really hard to believe that a woman couldn't empathise with this. There's few of us who haven't experienced predatory men, surely? While not every man is one, they exist in significant enough numbers that the chances of a young woman encountering one is greater than her encountering a fantasist who invents a tale of predatory behaviour for no apparant reason.
Whether all workplaces contain such a man or not is a moot point. Some obviously do, and some women are unlucky enough to encounter them.

Ah yes, old people have never experienced creeps because they’ve always been old, very smart!

If anything it's gone the other way - no creeps anymore but no office conversation either (except dry work discussion). Men keep their distance and keep to themselves. So if she's found someone who engages and teaches her then I don't see the problem, other than the one that's not evident but now living rent free.

the only creep I worked for was at 16. he only employed women in his team, and was very focused on how we should all look, how we should wear make up for work (I was 16 with a lovely complexion, no acne etc and working in a shoe shop!) and just generally a bit ew. I left after a couple of months and got a job in a cake shop full of middle aged / older ladies 🥰. but that's the only real incident in nearly 30 years.

it's good she's aware there might be something. she can walk about any time she feels unsafe or uncomfortable. she can tell you anything. but he hasn't actually done anything at this moment, and singing her praises is cringet not creepy unless they're about her physicality.

you're the naive one if you think age or attractiveness protects you from predatory men. I'm sorry that you've had the experience so often that you think it's down to how attractive you are, but it isn't you,it's them.
Creeps will creep.

Thankfully as this thread shows, it isn't all men (it's just (nearly) always men)

I was sexually harassed at work (banking) as a 17 old in the 80s and reported it. He didn’t get sacked so I left.

That was the only job I’ve had though that it happened thank goodness. In fact I’ve got on better with the blokes I’ve worked with since, than the women.