Always at the pub....

[Resetrefocusanddoit]

We dont live together. I have kids he has none and doesnt want them (had the snip a few weeks ago). But am I unreasonable to think going to the pub after work 3-4 times a week (maybe more) is an ick?

It’s not an ick per se but perhaps a sign he’s unsuitable for you if you find it so.

Seems like he's avoiding going home?

Is this what he’s always done?

Not much info there. How long have you been together? Are you on the same page about not having any more kids? How old are you both?

How does it affect you if you don’t live together? I don’t mean that in a shitty way by the way. It’s more of a question of how are you impacted by it?
I wouldn’t like it if dh started doing it, he goes on a Friday night for a couple of hours after work and comes home and cooks dinner for us (I would cook but he genuinely enjoys doing it, weirdo!) and every now and then he might go and meet a friend for a pint on a Sunday afternoon if we’re not doing anything. But drinking 3-4 times a week and maybe more isn’t great for physical health (possibly good for mental health if it’s sociable and catching up with friends).
If he didn’t live with me I’d not know unless he told me though, and unless we had plans that were disrupted because of it including if he was coming to me already drunk then I guess he’d be free to live his life as he wants. I’d not be that interested in someone though whose main hobby seemed to be going to the pub!

I would never be with a man who did this

He lives alone, no kids, so goes out to socialise 50% of the week. I don't see the problem. Better than sitting at home on the internet wanking.

No for me it wouldn’t be an ick what do you want him to do sit at home on his own? Or does it annoy you because you would like to socialise more like him but have kids to look after?

He doesn’t want kids and you have kids how does he feel about that?

It would give me the ick

Go to the pub occasionally but not loads! Or get his house stuff done so when we have our time we dont have to cut it short because he has washing to do for example....

He loves my kids and says it doesnt bother him as he never wanted kids but he accepts I have them and loves them alot

Id say its more like 5 days of the week deffo not 50%

It doesnt affect me but it icks me - thats all he ever seems to do, work pub work pub etc and he drinks alot!! Plus the amount of money he throws into the pub 🙄 he will also cancel coming to see me if his pals are in the pub which annoys me..

Why are you with someone you so clearly dislike?

When he isnt seeing me or im not at his I can understand not wanting to go home but straight away from work to the pub 5/6 nights a week is ALOT

that's a lot,i would not like it, it's his money,but it will be almost impossible to plan or save for anything.it will eventually cause resentment,and one does not recover from that...i would call it as you see it,his drinking is problematic at best,alcoholism at worst,either way not acceptable 5 days a week...he is choosing pub talk above family life 5days a week.

You mentioned 3-4 and now it might be 5-6. If you’re not getting what you want from the relationship, just end it, sounds like there are no financial or logistical barriers to just walking away - he isnt going to change.

As I said it wouldn’t bother me but it obviously bothers you and in the long run it will probably start affecting your relationship as you both seem to be in different stages of life and want different things. You are not suited as a couple.

I wouldn't be keen on somebody who was that into pubs especially if they cancelled seeing me for it

in itself, not an ick @Resetrefocusanddoit but cancelling plans with you because his ‘mates in rhe pub is a better offer’ is disrespectful!

It went from 3-4 times to 5, to 5-6. You're obviously trying to paint it as worse than it is when you're not getting the answers you wanted.

That was quite a drip feed OP. If he is going out 6 times a week, when do you actually see him? Or does he go to the pub for a short time and see you after the pub? If he is doing that, is he just having one drink or coming to your home roaring drunk?
But surely the bottom line is that you don't like how he lives his life so you are incompatible. Getting along with someone one day a week isn't really a relationship so moving on and finding someone you are compatible with shouldn't really be that difficult.

Not at all. It varies week to week 3 times at a min and 5/6 at the max no 2 weeks are the same

So he lives alone. He spends his own money. Sometimes he cancels if he meets mates. Personally you're describing most of the blokes I know. Have you spoken to him about it? Does he get drunk and aggressive/become a prick?

What do you expect him to do with his time when he's not with you?

I do see your point. I just find it icky..he just goes awol when drunk

If you feel that way finish it. He's not going to change