AIBU to think first day of primary school celebrations are excessive?

[EineyMiney]

Hi, we live in Scotland so today was DSs first day of school, starting primary 1. I’m just home from dropping him off and I can’t help but think what a circus!
We didn’t do anything special, just a normal school morning, no balloons, DH didn’t take the morning off, no grandparents came over. I was really trying to make sure DS wasn’t overwhelmed.
However, when I dropped DS off, there were multiple families with both parents, younger siblings, grandparents at the gate getting pictures. The school did say only 2 parents in the classroom but even this felt like too many and I’m not sure why it couldn’t be one parent per child.
In addition to that I noticed almost all the children had the bloody expensive optional blazers! Why? They are only 4 or 5!
Then I got home opened instagram and now I’m seeing plenty of children with balloons saying first day of school!

AIBU to think this is totally excessive and not necessary and probably not even good for the children who are just going to be overwhelmed.

Why would 4 and 5 year olds be confused if both parents or a grandparent walks them to school to wave them off on the first day but not the rest? They aren’t potatoes, most of them have been at preschool and already understand some days are different to others, some days there’s cake for a birthday, some days it’s non uniform etc.

They obviously would've coped absolutely fine but might enjoy the new start to school more with a bit of fanfare. If it doesn't overwhelm them, I don't see the issue.

Of course I don't think they'd have been harmed, what a weird suggestion. Parents aren't generally setting out to achieve "do not harm" as the standard for their parenting. Many like to also take positive steps to create fun and enjoyment where appropriate, and if they can do that with a balloon (I don't know why every balloon has suddenly become a balloon arch on this thread), why not? I also don't think this is nearly so new a phenomenon as everyone is pretending. I started primary school in 1990 and my mum made me a special "starting school" breakfast using our fancy plates and napkins. She was a teacher herself.

I painted a "first day of school" banner for my son because it was meaningful for us. He's the kind of child who likes a little bit of pomp and ceremony. The photographs are cute and will go in our family album. When he's older he can look at them and see a little tangible reminder that we thought his first day of school was an important milestone, that we went to that little bit of effort to celebrate it.

If he was a child who struggled with transitions or found attention and excitement overwhelming, it wouldn't have been appropriate and I wouldn't have done it. I'd have shown my love and support in other ways that suited his personality. There is no right or wrong way, just the way that suits your particular child.

Also, I have not mentioned or defended whole families turning up at schools. I consider that to be a separate issue to balloons/ banners etc., as it has the ability to impact other children who might find the crowds and fuss overwhelming. But I am all for the balloons and fuss at home if it suits the child and creates a nice atmosphere on their first day.

Make up your mind will you? A few photographs is what most 'normal' parents do, maybe a banner, that's not excessive and I would think comes under the 'calm' approach. I've no idea why you jazzed it up into But if you have a bouncy little extrovert who likes a sense of occasion and some fun in the morning, feel free to follow their lead and create the environment in which they thrive

Your exaggeration is also ridiculous. but neither are you a better parent if your defining characteristic is how little fuss you make about anything, ever

You have concluded that parents who go for a calm, low key 1st day of school will not make a fuss about 'anything ever'.

Surely not much different to the exaggerations on here that every single thing is about showing off on Instagram or every single child is going to be overwhelmed by a balloon arch?

It’s for Instagram! Alas for some people it’s not happening unless it’s posted.

I took one photo on the door step of our house for each of mine and they got to choose dinner that night (as in what I cooked) as for 2 parents plus hangers on, ridiculous, no wonder so many kids get anxious when parents blow everything out of proportion

As a reception teacher I’ve had parents ask me to have a photo on the first day with their child (fine on the last day). I’ve seen parents almost hold a mini photoshoot on the playground before school starts. I’ve had parents clinging onto their child crying and refusing to let them come in as they (parents) were too upset!

I have concluded that about certain posters (not necessarily you, I'm not sure if you were one of them) who adopt a sneering and morally superior tone about the parents who do make a fuss because they consider their approach of not acknowledging any particular sense of occasion to be universally superior.

You see it all the time on Mumsnet, and in several comments on this thread- it's almost a competition to prove how unaffected you are by sentimentality, which is pilloried as being an affectation for Instagram as opposed to an expression of genuine feeling. It's also classist as hell - look at all the comments here about how people in "certain areas" behave, and veiled digs about parents who work v parents who don't.

The "bouncy little extrovert" comment was in relation to my son specifically, because it's a very apt description of him and of the appoach he likes. I'm glad you consider our approach to be a calm one; many on this thread have made snarky comments about things like this being over the top and only for the benefit of instagram.

Just take a photo at start of term ( when they look all neat and tidy) . Then a photo on last day if term. You can compare and contrast.

It is a milestone. Surely both parents would want to be there when their child starts school? I find it weird if they're just not fussed and can't be arsed - very different of they are unable to be there but want to.

Me and my partner will both drop off our little one for her first day in reception in September because it IS special/important day. I dont get the balloons though

Our area of Glasgow went back last week. I was thinking about the ribbons, attached to everything, although thankfully not everyone subscribes. There's always lots of blazers for sale at the end of P1 "Worn once, now outgrown."

So much for the cost of living crisis! A colleague whose child started last week told me another child in the class has a different school bag for every day of the week!

I think, like life, it’s a case of follow what the school asks you to do.

at home, who cares. Cater for the child’s needs.

At school, if they say one adult, respect that.

It’s not a production. Part of school is learning awareness and tolerance. Like granny can’t come and watch your spelling test, but will be at the Christmas show.

What people do at home doesn’t bother me. But I do care about the public playground dramatics because it does impact all the children.

just let them go to school.

I’ve seen it all. A parent taking a photo of their child displaying a nappy and captioning it #rulebreaker. With multiple family members there.

to a professional photographer selecting certain children to pose with the specific child without parental consent or permission.

Let's face it blazers are pointless garments, neither warm nor waterproof.

I find it nuts that some secondaries absolutely insist on them. I 100% support the idea of uniform, but uniform should be practical for the children to wear and appropriate for the weather.

Somehow I don't believe the different bag thing. Cost and practicality, kid knowing their own bag I doubt anyone could be bothered with that faff.

I see all the proud Dad's and grandparents taking the morning off work walking in like they are king-parent. Where are they 6 weeks deep into term when we actually need their help in a morning... When all the Mums are struck down by tonsillitis and are dragging themselves into school every morning through snow, with forgotten reading folders and unbrushed hair. That's when we need the additional people, and the perfectly ironed uniforms doing, not at the start of term when everyone is bright eyed, bushy tailed and perfectly organised. Clear the path and stop posting your perfect curated life on the internet.

Ugh this is so ott for the DC, embarrassing and cringe! The uniform fair enough but not all the over excited paraphernalia. You do this now, what will genuine achievements mean?

It's a new experience though. I was thinking more about the balloons, photos etc. If something happens on day one of a new experience you wouldn't be unreasonable to think it'll happen every day..

It can easily overwhelm little children and prevent them from settling down. Keeping it low key and calm is best for everyone.

This is a really weird take imo. My DH doesn’t usually do drop off but will be going in late to facility DC’s first day, not sure how that means they aren’t a helpful husband or father weeks later.

Same and on the last day of school, parents had to line up to watch the year 11s leave and clap them out! How bizarre it all is, I would have DIED if my mum was anywhere near the school at that age.

I think lots of things are overblown now. First day of school should just be cute pics by the front door and off you go, surely making a big deal out of it leads to more upset kids.

I have never met an actual 4 or 5 year old who would be confused by the concept that some days are special/ fun/ out of the ordinary/ unusual etc. Children go to a birthday party on a Saturday and don't experience perpetual confusion that every Saturday isn't a birthday party. Children get taken out of nursery for the dentist on a wednesday and don't forevermore think that they finish nursery early on a wednesday. They're not loopers, they know that not every experience lives on in perpetuity.

And even if they did get confused, how long would it realistically last for? Five minutes? Half an hour? At the absolute most, maybe a day? Most children have sufficient resilience to cope with a very brief period of confusion and then move on.

While I don't think DGPs should be there on the morning of first day, its hectic enough. I can see why they'd want to be involved at the end of the day.

Lets face it its natural when someone is having a new experience to ask 'how it went'. It doesn't matter if its starting school, changing school, a new job or hobby. It would be weird not to want to know how the person is enjoying it.

Blazers look smart but agree not a practical item! DS barely wore his at high school so in 6th year I refused to buy him the special 6th year blazer. School gave him one & said we would be billed through the school payment system. We never were & the blazer was worn only a couple of times. I keep meaning to fish it out & return to the school. He left 3 yrs ago!