How do you feel about being whistled at on the street?

[TheBolans]

Do you find it a compliment or a form of harassment?

I saw a discussion with a woman saying people need to get a grip if it bothers them because whistling is harmless. I think if I got the odd whistle every now again at this age, I wouldn’t mind, but back when I was a teenager/early 20s I didn’t like it. It was usually never just whistling. It’s usually shouting crude comments too and so found it degrading and embarrassing. But some seem to think it should be taken as a compliment

Maybe it’s me but I probably wouldn’t notice, but if I did, I wouldn’t assume it was directed at me in that situation. How do you know it is aimed at you?

Back in the 60s my friend and I walked a couple of miles.into work every day. If we got less than half a dozen wolf whistles on the way we thought we were losing it. We considered it a compliment. How times have changed.

Yes, I’m sure that’s what you ‘guess’ 🙄

When I was about 18, I waked past a group of boys around 12 years old.

One of them shouted out, "My mate wants you to suck his cock."

I shouted back something like, "Tell him to come back in a few years when he's got something worth bothering with," because I was young and brave.

I'm 52 now and within the last two years I've had, "Fucking Hell, you're gorgeous!" shouted at me across the street; a car window wound down and something unintelligible shouted at me; been propositioned for sex; and been told I have great tits. All by men I don't know in their 20s. And they're just the ones I've remembered at the moment.

So I'm taking from this that they start young and it doesn't matter how old women get, we're always going to be fair game as far as the men who do this are concerned.

It happens less nowadays but anytime men want to decide I'm completely invisible, i'm all for it.

I'm not sure how anyone could consider any of that a compliment.

When I was a teenager it used to happen while I was waiting for the bus. We lived on a fairly busy long straight road and there were only a few houses, so noone else was out there with me and they would beep exactly as they were coming up level with where I was waiting. It happened a lot when there were no other cars too.

The most recent one I had at the beginning of summer, the man driving along the residential street I was walking beeped from his van and slowed down to shout something from his window at me... it was something like 'beautiful lady' but I am a married quite plain Mum of two, so it didn't even make sense to me- I just said thank you and tried to walk on fast.

I think you just know it's aimed at you really. Usually there is noone else around which feels intentional. I am a quiet, introverted sort of person, it feels like they get some kind of thrill out of it.

Yes, because valuing indiscriminate male sexual attention is what makes a woman 'fun'.

Oh wait. No it doesn't.

I've never received much in the way of wolf whistles, and haven't received any at all in the past 15 years or so (I'm 47). I've never had leery men yell at me either. I've had attention from males (much more when I was younger), but it's tended to be fairly polite and chatty rather than brief comments or noises. I don't mind that so much tbh, it's how some relationships start after all.

I find this so sad . Is your self worth really validated by strangers loudly commenting on your physical appearance? If so then that’s incredibly demoralising.
You are worth more than your looks. I hope you can see that one day.

Used to make me smile tbh, never looked at who was whistling or gave them any attention back but it was a bit of a boost.
Sexist comments on the other hand are very different, they are intimidating and offensive .
Just a quick whistle is a sign of appreciation though, it’s harmless in my opinion.

Does this still happen, I thought they were not allowed to whistle/catcall whatever anymore, that it is harassment.

When younger I absolutely hated it and got embarrassed. From builders to firefighters doing it (yes, and sounding their klaxon from the fire engine)

Do we know how men respond if they are the object of unwanted sexual attention from women?
Or would it need to be unwanted sexual attention from other men in order to have some equivalence?

I know my DH used to work in a bar when he was a young single man, and often had quite drunk women coming onto him, grabbing his bum, etc - especially if there was a hen do. He found it deeply uncomfortable, partly because it seemed inappropriate to respond positively even if they were attractive, as they were too drunk, and partly because he just didn't like being treated like meat while being expected to be flattered by it.

I think a lot of men think they'd appreciate it, but when they're actually in a situation where someone they're not attracted to/can't encourage is making advances, they'd likely find it unpleasant and awkward.

Telling the average guy to imagine a 6'6 burly fellow doing it to them is probably the best way to get them to understand, though.

What an unintelligent rejoinder. Raise your bar. If not for yourself, for the younger women experiencing it today.

I do find wolf whistles flattering actually. The only thing I find disturbing is really persistent leering or following or someone taking my photo with their phone.

I think it's less common now for all women. But it still happens. Workers on site probably less now because their companies all have strict policies on it but young men in cars still do.

Cheese wisely I saw a programme, where builders said it was instant dismissal if they cat called or whistled anyone.years ago my nans friend was pregnant ,and crosse6the road to avoid builders. she fell down a hole in the pavement and lost her baby!

It identifies the knuckle dragging misogynists. Why any one thinks being whistled at or shouted at is complimentary is beyond me. It's an offensive power play from men who think they have the right to judge women (and girls) and who view them as objects for their gratification. No one who thinks someone is their equal would believe this kind of behaviour is acceptable. Nor should anyone who believes in equality find this behaviour acceptable or flattering.

I couldn't care less - not that anyone does it now at my advanced age!

Like I said, not the most fun person at the party. I'm out here trying to enjoy life, while, you're trying to find problems as you live it.

I absolutely, utterly hated it. Luckily it no longer happens.

I have a friend who worked in bar when he was younger and he said similar - both in terms of the experience and his feelings about it.

My partner has quite a distinctive style and a mohican. When we first started going out, we would be in the pub and, whenever he went to the bar, he would have women approach him, usually in twos or threes trying to stroke his hair and flirting wildly with him. It didn't happen in his home town where everyone had known him forever and he wasn't an unusual sight but in my town, there was no one who looked like him. In the end, I was the one to go to the har because he found it so uncomfortable and unpleasant.

He's no longer a novelty and so it doesn't really happen anymore.

But, yes, I think a lot of men imagine that they'd love it if it happened to them. The reality is that they don't really.like it any more than women do. But it happens less and they don't talk about it because all other men just think lucky bastard.

I don't think men fear it on the same way as women do. They don't anticipate it or brace themselves for it but they also don't develop any strategies for dealing with it.

In a busy place like a pub, i have no problem telling a man to fuck off nowadays. But i wouldnt if I was in a less safe environment. So women don't tell these men to fuck off for a fear of how they might react but a lot of men wouldn't tell a woman to fuck off because they havent been worn down by years of it and it feels rude.

So men find it uncomfortable too, and they don't have the added threat that the person who is pursuing them could easily physically overpower and hurt them.

Absolutely hate it

In my experience, yes.

Men think they'd like it because in their fantasy land, it would be a hot woman, half their age who was doing it and they'd love it.

In reality, no one wants their boundaries crossed or their body touched without consent - even men when it's done by a hot woman half their age 😉

Men often feel as unable to deal with it as women do but for different reasons to women.

A group of young women in a passing car shouted and catcalled at my DH. He was outside wearing shorts and bent over under the bonnet fixing something on my car. I was in the car but they probably couldn’t see me.

He wasn’t uncomfortable at all. We both found it funny.