To think that DP blanking me everytime I am upset is not normal

[ThisNimbleEagle]

Longtime lurker, first time I've felt compelled to post. As the title says, everytime I try to raise an issue with DP in a calm manner and talk things over he will make comments which he knows will upset me. Once I am then upset he will blank me for long periods of time. He will hide away usually in the spare room, whilst I, the one who is upset has to carry on as normal with the children/house alone. This happens even when his actions have been wrong (staying out all night) if I get upset on his return, again blanked. I'm not sure what I am hoping for from this post but I'm not sure where to go from here

Could be worse - could be married to you

Oh. Dear!!!!

I think I’d be out all night in his shoes too!

😂 would make a nice change from trolling strangers

This sounds like my parents relationship. Me and my brother came to recognise it as emotional abuse. My Mum was always in the wrong even if it was something she had no control over, or was something to do with us kids, wider family etc. If my Mum needed to have an ‘adult conversation’ with him about anything he would sulk, blank her (for days at times) and accuse her of being unreasonable or pressuring him in some way. She couldn’t win, none of us could.
As me and my brother got older and became adults it got worse. We told Mum she should leave and shouldn’t put up with it, but, like you, they were otherwise happy in their marriage.
She chose to stay and the behaviour continued until now, in his late 70s he has mellowed due to his health.
I always suspected he had some mental health issues/depression/autism, but whatever it was, it made my Mums life a misery in many ways and spoilt a lot of things in my childhood looking back.
I don’t know what I would advise, but I just wanted to say that this behaviour isn’t normal, it will continue and likely get worse.
Maybe some couples therapy would help???

Thank you for a genuine response and for sharing your experiences. I'm sorry you had to witness what you did. I am definitely considering therapy either as a couple or individually

When you say 'upset' OP, how does that show? Tears, throwing things, shouting or a frustrated tone or something else? I say this because DP and I have an issue where if we have a discussion and he begins to shout I immediately withdraw because I refuse to be shouted at. He has had therapy over it and rarely does this anymore but we have had rather ludicrous arguments as to what constitutes shouting v raised voice etc.

Never shouting, always just tears from the frustration of the situation

You've posted asking for advice, support, sympathy, from other women on here, because you're frequently upset and crying, due to your partner's dismissive and hurtful behavoiur.

You quickly took offence at some robust and straight-talking comments from @Herenowatbroad none of which were aimed at you, but rather at your partner, the very man you're on here complaining about, remember...? I read her comments as outraged on your behalf, and intended as supportive, albeit expressed a bit bluntly.

You, OP, then escalated into insults, not her. You called her and other women (plural) on here "miserable, old mares"! You've shown both ageism and misogyny, on a women's network. OLD MARES. The irony of your "What a sad excuse for a woman" line is rich indeed.

I do have experience of a relationship with thus type of man to share, in the hope it helps, but...nah. My advice is cry away. Cry, cry, cry. Enjoy.

Superb post

Ultimately this is the Op living with a sketchy man who stays out all night, is shit with money and who freezes her out. So I reckon that is why she seems to be on knife edge and prone to kick off at others at the drop off a hat!

You should be ashamed of this post.

I couldn’t live like this 💐

Do you know what, you're right, and I sincerely apologise for my previous post and retaliation. Emotions were running high and reading your comments felt like I was being kicked when I was already down with no useful advice towards the questions that I had asked. After reading the PP post above I have re-read your comments and realised that I have misinterpreted your angle. Apologies

No problem at all and thanks for apology

He sounds like hard work. I wonder if you can really love him. Is it ever going to last ? Perhaps you aren't meant to be together. He's not treating you decently. best wishes Op.

I voted you are being unreasonable because a) you’re putting up with it and b) you’re still there!

Yes, I am beginning to wonder this. I am happy to give my all to DP and DC of course, but it is the emotional part of the partnership that is weak. As I have said in my previous post I have put a lot of things down to his MH and possible ADHD but it's hard to compartmentalise when someone is acting a certain way because of their own MH and what behaviour I am willing to tolerate as part of this and beyond

Ultimately, I know he is unwell, and as I mentioned earlier it is hard to know when it is his MH affecting his behaviour towards me, and when that could perhaps be used as an excuse?

I just want to clarify that it isn't a weekly or even monthly occurrence having the kind of confrontation we have had today. Day to day we are happy, a great team and he is a loving partner and father (i know, i know, I have spent many years reading other posts thay say this thinking "but is he though" but he genuinely is). I feel like I can't do much more to support him with his MH and ultimately that is why I do get so upset when he shuts me off for something so trivial to any other couple.

Don't buy a house with this man
I'll bet he can regulate his behaviour at work though.

Thats controlling behaviour

He is a weak minded person who lacks the ability to see and own up to his mistakes, instead of dealing with it like a real man and owning up to the error of his ways, he finds it much easier to blame you for dissagreeing with him, even though he effed up in the first place.