AIBU? Asked to donate money to a friend of a friend

[Buttheywereonlysatellites51]

I’ve had a message from someone I’d call an acquaintance really, not really a friend, that has me feeling uncomfortable.

They have friends in Columbia who lost their house during the recent earthquake. They are asking for people to donate money to their bank account and they will pass on this money to their friends in Columbia to help them start over.

Now I’m not against donating to good causes and once a year, I choose a charity or two that I want to donate to. I am just feeling uncomfortable as the request has come directly from someone I know and I feel like I’d look like an uncaring person if I say no. If these were friends of mine, I would obviously want to help them. But I can’t imagine I asking my friends to help out people they don’t know. AIBU?

Was the message just to you or just sent to everyone in their friends list/contacts? If the latter I would just ignore. If it was just sent to you, say that you’d love to help but have already made your charity donations for this year and have to draw the line somewhere

I would just ignore- I imagine they sent the message to a lot of people so they probably won’t notice if you don’t donate.

Not a chance would I give money for a friend of an acquaintance.

Personally no. I am a.cynic and its very easy for that money to go missing. If you want give to an official charity so you know that's what's happened.

Remember that several people claimed to be in Greenfield Tower...so people will stoop to the lowest depths...more recently than undertaker in hill kept charity donations

tell them you’ll donate to a recognised charity instead.

If they're so desperate to help this friend why not set up a fundraising page? Why must it go into her own personal bank account?

I'd suggest to her she sets one of those up and if she does I would contribute a tenner or something.

Tbh, I would just not respond. When you give to charity, it’s to unknown people, so that’s not the point. Being directly asked would make me uncomfortable when you already have allocated charities.

If your friend asks again and says I notice you haven’t donated, then is time to be specific.

I would be very sceptical about whether these friends actually existed. I wouldn't donate.

The country is Colombia. This may help you decide whether it’s a genuine appeal.

Ignore it.

Tell them you’ve already donated to the official appeal 🤷‍♀️

It's COLOMBIA. Do not do this, what an absurd suggestion ! There are many bona fide organisations boots on the ground that merit your kind donation. World Central Kitchen is one such. 🇨🇴❤️‍🩹

Yes, this does make it look potentially a bit ropey. For all you know, they could be taking out some to cover their international bank transfer fees; then maybe a little more 'for their time and fundraising work'...

In fact, as NotAnotherScarf says, do you have any way of knowing that they do in fact have friends in Colombia who have suffered in this way; or that they couldn't have been lied to by friends who do live in Colombia, but who were not in any way affected by the earthquake? I'm not accusing them of anything whatsoever, but just supposing they were scammers, asking for money into their own bank accounts "to send to people in Colombia" might not be totally innocent.

If you’re not likely to see the person much then I would just ignore it. I think most people will assume they sent the message to everyone they know. If you will see them again I would say you already donate to a few charities and can’t manage any more at the moment. Then suggest the friend sets up an official page. Really weird for them to be asking for money into their personal account for people you’ve never heard of

It was just sent to me, but I’m guessing they copied and pasted the message to several friends.

I used t get these kinds of messages when I sold on Etsy. I responded by saying our policy was we could only donate to registered UK charities and to send us their official registration number so we could put them on our waiting list. Never heard anything back.

I do think they are genuine about their friends losing their house; I know they have lots of friends in that part of the world.

If I received that request it would be a response of jog right off with that.

This exactly, since I don’t know this person very well, I certainly don’t know their friends or their circumstances. It just makes me feel weird.

I’d ignore it,you’re not to know this person who is supposed to live in Columbia actually exists and the money isn’t being kept by your friend.

if you feel uncomfortable tell them you’ve already donated through the proper sites,

I would just ignore it personally. Strange to send it to people the others do not know it's effectively begging.

I’d reply saying I’ve already sent my donation to (insert the name of whatever charity is in Columbia)

Most likely though, I’d just ignore the message. It’s cheeky messaging you directly. It would have been better to put a GoFundMe link on their social media so people can donate if they want to without feeling any obligation.

Say you’ve already donated to a central fund and wish them well

Just ignore it. I wouldn't pay money into anyone's unrelated private bank account.

If they set up a proper GoFundMe account stating the fundraising reasons and beneficiaries, then the cause and money is at least transparent and traceable to a degree.

I'd ignore such a request from my best friend never mind an acquaintance. If they had the cheek to chase up why I'd ignored their request they'd be blocked. I don't owe anyone an explanation.