To insist sleepover is at my house

[Flowerpots276]

Dd16 has been going little off the rails lately
.
Hanging out with new friend, and had a few incidents recently.
One where she got really drunk in the town centre with this friend and could barely walk.
Last week we found her bed empty at 3 am and turns out she had been sneaking out in middle of the night to meet a boy. She says just once but we think maybe a few times.

She has asked to stay at friends house tonight but I have asked them to stay here instead, as basically I don’t think I trust her and think she will be out drinking and possibly sleeping with this boy and the sleepover is a cover.

I have asked to meet the boy who she says is from school but it hasn’t happened yet.

She has broken my trust with the recent antics and I am worried she iis not making good decisions. She is a bit emotionally vulnerable, and has anxiety.

We did have a big chat last week after the sneaking out incident and spoke about contraception, trust, relationships etc

but I am still uneasy and struggling to trust her, especially when hanging out with this friend as I don not know them or their parents at all.

Am I being unreasonable?

I will be present, as will DH, our house isn’t that big and I think that’s a bit of a leap!
Also, although I don’t love the idea, I realise that as a 16 year old, sex will happen at some point.
I trying to guide her towards meaningful, safe sex and relationships by talking to her a lot about contraception, safety and relationships.
She is actually responding quite well so far to this approach and I have asked that she show me she can be mature and make sensible safe decisions.
I am trying to be cautious but not make irrational, panic based decisions on worst case scenario’s.
I realise I cannot have absolute control over her and her actions, as she is a human being finding her way into adulthood.
I don’t want to control her, I want her to have the tools to make good decisions herself.

I have not done nothing, I have had very very long discussions with her and explained we are concerned for her safety, I have given examples and suggested alternatives.
she opened up and we had a really valuable long conversation about her feelings and motivations for what she did.
She is not allowed out at 3 in the morning and she hasn’t repeated this.
She is allowed out, but has to be back before 10 and keep me informed of her whereabouts.
We discussed her earning my trust back and she is doing this by being more open.
The sleepover will give me a chance to get to know the other girl better as well. I am not blaming the other girl by the way. My daughter is at an age where she wants to be independent and try things she thinks are exciting, as do most most teenagers, myself included.

Sounds like you’re doing the right thing op and agree with princess and the pea post too. Ignore the clueless posters who shout “parent them”
but who mysteriously have no way of explaining what that actually entails 🙄. They likely have 2 year olds or homebody teens.

For some families this stage is really really hard and I truly believe it’s the luck of the draw I’ve seen this happen to friends who are good conscientious parents and whose other teens are perfectly well behaved. You have to navigate through it - first priority is their safety second turning them into decent adults.