WIBU to call out a man for using ladies loo?

[BlueBayBic]

Yesterday in a motorway service station, a man used the ladies’ disabled/baby change loo. This was through the entryway to the ladies, but off to the right and separate to the main area of toilets on the left. I saw a lady with 2 young children try to challenge him as he went in, but he ignored her. When he came out, I asked why he had used the ladies - to which he (very red in the face) argued that it was separate and he didn’t go into the ladies. He definitely did! Another lady who witnessed this then went and checked and said to me that the toilet is separate, however this doesn’t excuse a man going past the ladies sign and into the designated ladies area. There was a separate, clearly signposted, male disabled/baby change behind the male toilets entryway. WIBU?

He may have needed to change his stoma bag urgently or indeed been a trans man. I assume the toilet he used was fully enclosed?

Women often pop into the gents at busy venues (theatres etc) and use a cubicle to save queuing for the ladies. Seen it many times!

There are stomach issues where there is very little warning and so i could see why someone would go into the nearest open toilet. Of course, if he does have that stomach issue, he could wear a nappy instead then the urgency wouldn't be such an issue.

Exactly. New guidelines now mean that people who are actively presenting as masculine are supposed to use the ladies.

But he was walking.... past the ladies sign. So if he can walk without mobility aids (op would have mentioned them) then he could walk into the mens cubicles

I’ve used the gents before, massive queues for the ladies and I was desperate. It would depend for me, possibly an older bloke might just be desperate. I’d expect an announcement though as they shouldn’t be in there.

not everyone needs to use mobility aids. Even if they do they may not need them all the time, ds would very rarely use his chair in a service station as we are going car to toilet and straight back to car again.

He may have had a stoma or another invisible disability that meant he needed the space of the disabled toilets.

Needing mobility aids is not the only reason why people need to use accessible bathrooms. People with stomas need the extra space of an accessible loo and often need to use them very urgently.

You’re a mind reader?

I get that perhaps he wasn’t being a pervert … but I don’t see what reasonable excuse he could have had
to use the toilet he chose to use. Not sure why so many people are defending this bizarre-at-best behaviour. As others have said, if he had a genuine reason then surely he would have been apologetic and acknowledge the woman who challenged him as he went in?

It could have easily been his first jaunt into voyeurism and wanted to test the water, see what he could get away with in public … pure speculation, of course, but that seems much more likely than someone so desperate for the loo they couldn’t walk the extra few steps to the men’s.

I honestly don’t believe he was a trans man/woman (not sure of terminology)… he appeared male in every sense of the word.

I honestly don’t believe he was a trans man/woman (not sure of terminology)… he appeared male in every sense of the word.

Wow.
Are you actually saying that trans men should somehow not "appear male in every sense of the word"

No trans men have campaigned to be able to use Ladies toilets. Bigots have forced this to become an issue where it never has been.

I suppose it's slightly odd but I just am not bothered by this stuff. It was a separate cubicle, nobody's in a state of undress and he didn't loiter or speak to anyone 🤷

My views on trans issues are not relevant to the situation. I believe this person was male.

Ok, so if something hasn't happened to you personally, it won't have happened to anyone else on the entire planet.

I’m not a bigot. I prefer for biological women (not ladies) to be able to use their designated toilets. And for biological men to use their designated toilets.

I agree! This is the first thing that came to my mind

Exactly. I’d really not care.

You weren't wrong, the poll agrees.
Males have no place in female spaces.

If I'm desperate and there's a huge queue for the ladies, I go into the mens.

Its either that or wet myself.

He was putting all us "Ladies" in our place! It was a deliberate act to say Women don't have any right to privacy and his needs come before ours!

MCP

I have never seen a disabled toilet only for each sex to use. Just disabled toilets, full stop. I would like to know exactly where this strange set up was. I won't be holding my breath though.

Where are these toilets?

The sooner we get individual cubicles with wash basins the better.
I frequently go to the theatre and recently have seen trans women in the queue - I didn't feel threatened or uncomfortable and I was with my young teenage daughter.
At least urinals in this country are often deep into the gents - the french ones are very open and you can often see men standing there having a pee.

Very unusual to have separate male and female disabled/baby change toilets.

But since they're completely separate with floor to ceiling walls and a lockable door, I couldn't get aeriated about it.

Great idea for a Mumsnet thread though OP.

I expect tomorrow will be 'AIBU to hate dogs jumping up at me in the park'.

So he wasnt using the ladies but the disabled loo? You were rude and unreasonable and I hope he hasn't been affected by your unreasonable behaviour.

My son is abit oblivious and would see just the disabled sign.

Why you think he should of apologised is beyond me.