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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU not wanting to travel with my bereaved mother right now?

51 replies

Misse22 · 14/08/2026 20:08

My DF passed away earlier this year. DM is obviously devastated as am I.
My DB lives in another country and came over in the last few weeks of DF life and was an enormous help.
After DF passing he went home, I dealt with everything, funeral arrangements, financial stuff, which I didn't mind but was a strain.
DB came back for the funeral but hadn't been back since.
He keeps asking for DM to go out to where he is but she will only go if I go with her. She is relying on me a lot for things and I'm feeling very washed out.
DB has offered to fly over and get DM and take her back but she is refusing, she wants me to go.
I feel a change of scenery will really do her good but I really don't want to go.
Im really not in a good place at the moment, lots of reasons but I just do not feel like socialising. My DB wasn't particularly close to my DF but I was and I'm still morning him.
But if I don't go she won't. I also have no money and don't want her to pay for everything, probably leaving my H soon and just feel overwhelmed.
My adult DC have also offered to go with DM but she is adamant she wants me to go.
Im feeling bad, I want her to get away ( and honestly could to with the break from her).
But I do not want to go away at the moment.
Added to the fact that my DB has fallen out with another family member in his country and I just want to be away from any drama, what do I do?

OP posts:
ChickenBananaBanana · 17/08/2026 11:26

Misse22 · 15/08/2026 16:36

I don't think she will go. To be honest he keeps saying he will come back for a bit but hasn't been here since the funeral.
He does phone her a couple of times a day as do I.
I haven't been over to see her for a couple of weeks as I have been working on a project. Phoned her today and she said she's so lonely, just feels like she's sitting in her house waiting to die 😢

Sounds like she's being manipulative to me op in sorry to say. She would t be lonely on the trip if she went

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