Please tell me what there will be to look forward to?

[Vimtoforthewin]

Not trying to be depressing at all and generally a positive person, but I can’t see what there is to look forward to in the second part of life.
Late 40’s, life until now was up and down, as the same for most people i’d imagine. At least I was younger, good health, better looking, parents younger and more vibrant, life was exciting, lots to look forward to, lots to aim for.
Life is nice now, 8 year old, Dh, friends, rewarding job…but…what is there to look forward to? Yes to seeing Dd grow, but also a sadness as her leaving will come with that. Parents ageing more and passing away, us ageing more…what things can I aim for to look forward to? It seems everything good is in the past?

Is it normal to feel like this? Does anyone else?

I’m not depressed but it seems only bad things will come more in this stage of life when I think about it

If there is one thing I regret, it's not having enough good friends. Not for lack of trying! They all moved away.

In my 40s I went to uni and did a series of degrees. It lasted 9 years and I had no responsibility to anyone other than myself. It made me realise what I was capable of. Best 9 years of my life and I would have t back in a heartbeat.

If I’m honest I found the tween period (ds was 7 to about 13) some of the least appealing times. It didn’t help that Dh was chronically ill and we were skint, but at that age Ds still seemed very dependent but was mostly interested in poo jokes and Minecraft. Things picked up, oddly, when we could watch certificate 12 films together - I just don’t particularly enjoy small kids movies - and at 11 he took a train by himself on holiday (with a lot of planning. I could see with those things a time of greater independence on the way. And I was right - teenagers imo are the great cheat code of parenting; they’re FUN and their friends are fun too. Nothing like driving them around while all the year 9/10 gossip is being shared in the back seat. Planning holidays together; being challenged in conversation; discovering comedy and music and information and books that they want to share with you; watching them grow taller than you; cooking with them. Would t have missed a minute.

Ds is 22 now and he’s earning a living!!! It’s very exciting being related to him AND I have the house to myself. What’s not to like?

Freedom is what you look forward to! And then it's up to you.....friends, family, travel, culture, hobbies, sport.....whatever floats your boat! Your responsibilities diminish, your income stabilises and you actually start to enjoy life. Being 50+ is the best time.

Love that @PermanentTemporary. I’ve loved having teens too. They’re young adults now and I really enjoy their company, without much responsibility. Obviously I still worry about them, and have to help them with stuff that they don’t yet know how to do; but I mean the basic stuff- keeping them clean, feeding them, driving them around everywhere, managing their social diaries, managing their behaviour… all the stuff you have to do a lot of when they’re little is just drudgery. (I do miss the after-bath snuggles and stories though.)

My friends are scattered all over the country.....it's been like that for 40+ years, but they're still my friends and a big part of my life, so I don't understand the "moving away" comment. I did a 160 mile round trip for lunch this week - 5 of us who have stayed in touch since we were 18, and travelling from all over to meet up. We had a lovely afternoon, and it's later life that gives us the time and opportunity to do this.

Several of mine moved out of the UK!
I need friends I see often ish though. Not keen on text friendships.

Possible grandchildren, retirement, more money as mortgage is paid off, more time. Just the everyday joy of life.

I'm really enjoying being in my 50s. Our DC are young adults and although two are still at home, DH and I have started having holidays and adventures on our own. We don't have a lot of spare money but many of the things we like doing like cycling and walking are free or can be done cheaply.

I've survived cancer in the last few months and it's really made me want to seize the day and make the most of life. I'm appreciating the sheer joy of being alive and little moments like a deserted beach, the first cuppa of the day or a card game with my kids. Life doesn't need to be about big events to be beautiful.

You have an 8 yr old child and are on here asking what is there to look forward to in the next part of your life? Seriously what? I could maybe understand your viewpoint if you had all grown up kids but you a literally in the best and most fun part of being a parent until you next become a grandparent. Get a bloody grip!!

So much to look forward to.

Knowing yourself, and no longer having to worry about putting other people's needs ahead of your own all the time.
Not having your life and time endlessly restricted by your children or work
More money
Freedom from other people's judgement and opinions
More time to see friends
More time for hobbies and travel
Small things: peaceful moments in the day when you are undisturbed
Children growing up, finding their feet, getting a job, having their own children

I could go on.

So many women allow themselves to be entirely defined by their role in the family and can't imagine a life beyond this. I'm not judging you, my mother was the same. But you have to grip this.

I thought this was going to be a depressing post about the environment or the state of the world in general. I do think that life is going to get harder in relation to energy, cost of living, managing with an increasingly hot planet.

However in terms of your the stage of life I am nearly 50 and am very happy with my current set up and am really looking forward to the next 20+ years. I want to see the kids grow up and live their lives, I want to enjoy travelling with them and on my own and meeting new people. I want to grow my career in new directions and enjoy my home and garden.

So kindly, be a more glass-half-full type of person and maybe start a new hobby or volunteer if your life has such little meaning or enjoyment.

Good lord alive ( as my grandad used to say!) Not being critical or funny, but you do have lots to look forward to and embrace.

Here’s one for you OP. Two incurable cancers, on permanent chemo, constant cancer pain, forced into ill health retirement, empty nest syndrome, probably won’t see DD get married or the next phase of her life ( she’s only 21!) and my parents will likely outlive me. Want to know how much that hurts?

Cherish what you have.

Can you try and look at what you have now and all you’ve achieved, and feel content rather than needing to ‘look forward’ ??

There's lots to still lots to look forward . Don't you enjoy your hobbies, going on holidays etc?

Even if the kids are grown up I wouldn't understand it
Not everyone has kids, they still enjoy their life!

This entirely!

I’m 49 and skint. My divorce extended my mortgage to my late 60s, my health is shot to bits by an autoimmune condition and I will likely be caring for at least my youngest child for a long time yet due to SEN so no “ getting my life back” etc. Being 40+ has really sucked for me so I do see where you’re coming from. I’m not classed as depressed either but the daily grind is just relentless and exhausting. I can see how it’s different if you are semi retired already, no dependents, great health and plenty of money.

Financial stability, children becoming more independent, the prospect of retirement.

I'm 45 with 3 adult SC and a 7yo DD (what did we do that for? haha) and I love being in my 40s! I have more confidence than I've ever had. I have some solid friendships for the first time. I'm enjoying watching my DD grow up. Mortgage paid off. I'm starting college in September to start a new career. I honestly love it, even with all its ups and downs. Maybe I'm just more used to the rollercoaster of life now as well. I have a friend, who is in her 50s, that is currently traveling all over the world.

What is there to look forward to? Life.

What are your plans for your career, enjoying your home, hobbies, travel, meeting new people, volunteer work, exercise, etc, etc, etc, whatever it is that appeals to you?

I think you might be depressed because thinking that the best is behind you in your 40's, and that there's nothing good to look forward to, doesn't seem normal for someone who says they have a nice life. Speak to your GP about this because a negative outlook will hinder your chances of happiness.

If you're someone who has been focusing on your child/family life then branch out, you can be a parent and still have a life of your own. There's so much to look forward to! Start making changes right now if your life feels dull.

@Pinkflamingo10 I am so very sorry for your loss.

I’m mid fifties. Mortgage is paid off. Kids have left home. I have grandchildren to spoil. Dh and I regularly go away on little adventures and are cherishing our time together. Life’s great!

My kids are late teens / early 20s and I bloody love this new phase of our relationship. They're actual people!! And they're MY people. They do things like plan my birthday weekend. And bring other halves to Christmas. And pick up the click n collect shop. And sometimes I have absolutely no one relying on me and no one knows where I am and I can decide to wander round the shops, or meet a friend for a drink. Thrillingly freeing!!

I loved them small, and I loved being needed. And I'm still needed now, but in a different way. I'm very excited about the second half of my life.