DS lied to me about his A level results (and they're not good)

[willowfern]

My dd is 18 and he got his A level results yesterday and told me he got 2 A’s and an A* but he didn't

He didn't show me the actual paper but I believed him, he was out much of the day with his friends then came home late last night so I hardly saw him and he's currently out now

His brother went into his room not long ago to get his aftershave back and found the paper and he got a D U E

I've never put pressure on him to get good grades as long as he tried his best though I don't think he did. I think he lied because his brother is less than a year older and sat A levels last year and got an A and 2 A*

I've told eldest to leave him alone, not to message him or anything and ill talk to him on his own but what do I say?

I'm glad he's out so I can think as I can't lie I am disappointed and he's likely missed his uni place and I know he could've tried harder and done better. He was predicted A* B and an A.

Please don't flame me. I know results aren't the be all and end all...

OP, i just read the same post from your son’s perspective on Reddit.

Everyone advised him to tell you the truth, seems like his dad has always been comparing him to his overachieving brother.

Oh I agree, that's the most likely scenario. But any responsible pastoral lead would also be curious about whether there might be something else at play. Even if just to rule it out. There are so many risks online and out in the community these days, I'd want to make sure he's not mixed up in something that has distracted him from his studies.

I think the pressing issue is that your son felt he needed to lie.

If that Reddit post is the same son, I wonder if he found out about this thread here, because he's deleted it.

yes, i’ve gone back an he’s deleted it, the details are way too similar, i’m sure it was him.

for what it’s worth, he was very regretful, said he downs even know why he lied to his m, since she never puts pressure on him, but he told the dad first and then he continued with the lie.

other details were his parents were divorced and his dad lives far away and i seem to recall he’s a history teacher.

This. I'm really confused as to how you can't know in roundabout terms what he was likely to achieve.

It's mot that unlikely. Mine took themselves up to their rooms to revise, or revised in the 6th form centre at school. I could tell you how much time they said they were revising for but I didn't check what they were doing up there. By A levels it really has to come from them.

Sorry but this is not the case .
Dd2’s friend was offered a degree apprenticeship ( finance ) with predicted grades of BCC
Many degree apprenticeships are about potential rather than grades

Poor chap must have been very embarrassed, if be getting him safely home and made aware you know and helping him through. Lies like this can feel insurmountable to a kid.

I’d agree just ask him what he wants to do. Does he want to resit?

Does the OP have to explain this?
The brother did it. She cannot explain it

Agree. Brother clearly wanted to check he had done better, so snooped. That's worse than lying about disappointing results.

I actually feel sorry for him
He must feel so devastated for him to have to lie
I wouldn’t even focus on the results I would focus on why he felt the need to lie
Just reassure him and make him know that you are there for him and that you have confidence that things will be ok

sidenote - why was his brother nosing around? . Someone who has lied about their results is unlikely to be leave said results somewhere easily accessible

Are you sure that your eldest isn't winding you up? I doubt if he lied he's left the results just sat there!

Sorry, still find it bizarre a parent wouldn't know if there kid is up there at A* level or at DUE level. That's not nothing to do with revising in private or 'it coming from them'.

Dd went to a 6th form that only gave parent eventing appointments to those who were an issue - either struggling academically or behaviourally. They'd have seen the subject teacher if they'd been expected to get a U, but not the others.

I thought this was really bad - you could easily have had a child heading for 3x Es and just got the feedback "they're doing well, no need for a parent meeting".
Any feedback round grades went directly to the child too, so no way of finding it there either.

If I were you, @willowfern, I'd not focus on the disparity between what your DS was predicted and what he achieved, but on trying to understand what's going on with him. For a student who was perceived to be so capable to bomb so spectacularly is a clear indication that something significant has happened to bring on such a change. You sound like a caring mother and I'm sure you will tread carefully in how you deal with your son. But this level of failure is not just a lack of sufficient revision or a loss of focus in the last stretch; it's an cry for help. I wish you, your entire family and your DS all the best in dealing with this.

Let's be honest, a DUE is not good; he might not have tried his best. HOWEVER, it is important to remember that A-Levels are not everything. There are other pathways. I don't know the specifics, but do a bit of research, and you'll be able to find something that works.

This seems like the time for him to really understand that there are consequences for not trying hard. He'll need to put a lot of effort in to get the best out of this.

He'd probably be able to apply for a course with a foundation year (so 4 years in total). The first year would be a lot of support. Usually about 32 ucas points to get in.