AIBU to ask my daughter to pay extra for her phone?

[PhoneScrooge]

NC obviously.

DD14 phone recently got broken - total accident, not her fault (I saw it happen).

She needs a new one - fine. We gave her a budget to choose a reasonable one. Affordable.

She has her heart set on one that is a smallish amount (around £50) more than the budget we gave her. I said to her if she really wants this one then she needs to contribute the £50 herself (she can afford it).

She's had a total meltdown, saying she won't pay it and that we're being "tight". DP says we should just get her it as it's not much extra (we can easily afford it), but for me it's a point of principle - if it's not worth £50 to her then why should she expect us to pay the full price?

Also now that she's having such a strop about it I'm even less inclined to budge, as it will just teach her that this reaction works.

YABU - it's a small price to pay for your child's happiness
YANBU - if it's important to her, she should be prepared to contribute

Good for you OP, I think that’s really good parenting and in your shoes I would do the same. I think if you give in to her demands then you’re setting her up to become more than just a bit entitled.

Our kids have contract phones and we pay something like £10 a month for the handsets - they are not the latest iphone but neither are they too old, just middle of the range models which are more than enough. Last time we upgraded DD wanted a newer model which had a different camera (she is into photography) so she offered to pay the difference.

It is a good lesson for them, that if they want 'extra' they have to work for it. Also helped her learn that a quick 'I want' meant that she had to keep paying for it for 18months long past the urge to have the item has gone and the shine has worn off.

I was going to say you're unreasonable to not pay the extra, as it's not that much more. But, given her bratty reaction and entitlement... absolutely not. If she wants the upgrade, she pays for it. She can do additional chores to earn the money.

She's 14, she doesnt have a phone, she's a child. She can't sign a contract ir register a phone at her age. She is using YOUR phone, that you are allowing her to use, with conditions. If you ask her to pay towards it you create entitlement, which is a very bad idea with teenagers.

On the fence. You say it wasnt her fault.

Are you replacing like for like or is she wanting an upgrade?

Compromise? She pays for screen protector, drop proof cover and insurance?

I think that now she has had a strop about it , when you were replacing her phone for her , that no new phone should be bought until the situation has calmed.

Then you can calmly ask her again, would she like the phone you have suggested , or would she like to pay extra for the one she prefers.

I wouldn’t budge. After the tantrum.

She was given a budget and she wanted something of higher value so she needs to pay the difference!

This is how I feel. Our teens have the same type of phone as do and I do. They still have ambitions!

It isn't unreasonable to ask her to pay the difference, but I think it depends a bit on age, how much of her savings the £50 is, how easily you can afford it, and whether you'd pay £50 extra if you fancied a different phone model.

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all, kids need to be taught the value of things and that they cant get everything they want handed to them.
We had a similar situation in my house but with regards to a pair of trainers. We had set a budget of £x for a pair, child wanted a pair that were £y. We had the conversation that if they wanted them, then they had to pay the difference and if they weren't willing to do that, then we chose what they got. In the end, they opted to pay the difference as they wanted them badly enough.

In the example of the phone I don’t agree. My husband I have phones that we don’t replace until we absolutely need a new one. When the time comes, with money we have earned, we replace them. Recently, husband needed a new phone and chose to have a ‘lesser’ model to try out the tech. When I needed one, I bought the one I wanted. The OPs DD is not ‘lesser’ for fitting into a budget, just like everyone else.

Does she have pocket money or saved up gifts to add the extra? I don’t think £50 in this case is a massive contribution. It will also teach her value and ownership.

Good good. This is completely foolish.

Lots of things matter to kids. We dont have to indulge it.

We all have to stick to a budget, it doesnt make it 'less than' for someone to have a smaller budget than someone else, because a) they're not paying for it and b) if you want to pay for it, build up your savings or get a part time job.

I was like aww just buy it until I read she threw a wobbler! If she had said ok then I would have been like aww we will just put the money to it. But not now.

This ^

Perfectly reasonable , you’ve given her a budget and if she wants more then she needs to contribute ,don’t back down now or this will keep happening

Give her the option to pay 10 a month, you can teach hr about budgeting and stand your ground all at the same time

Our nine year old understands the concept of us being prepared to pay up to a certain amount for a particular item, and that if she wants something that's more expensive than that then she needs to fund the difference herself. She's only been getting weekly pocket money for about a year or so but will already sometimes choose a less expensive option so that she can buy a larger number of whatever it is, for example. Why isn't your daughter grateful for the amount you are willing to put up for the new phone?

Sounds like an opportunity for her to learn the value of money. Explain to her, kindly, that she has to learn the realities of personal responsibility. Accidents happen, but you can't always expect somone else to foot the entire bill. Money is a tool, be careful with it, but it's not something to jealously hoard or be stingy with. She'll lose friends rapidly if she's stingy and doesn't learn to pay her way in life. She should be proud to put her own resources into something that is 100% for HER benefit. She won't always get handouts, it's an important life lesson.