AIBU to ask my daughter to pay extra for her phone?

[PhoneScrooge]

NC obviously.

DD14 phone recently got broken - total accident, not her fault (I saw it happen).

She needs a new one - fine. We gave her a budget to choose a reasonable one. Affordable.

She has her heart set on one that is a smallish amount (around £50) more than the budget we gave her. I said to her if she really wants this one then she needs to contribute the £50 herself (she can afford it).

She's had a total meltdown, saying she won't pay it and that we're being "tight". DP says we should just get her it as it's not much extra (we can easily afford it), but for me it's a point of principle - if it's not worth £50 to her then why should she expect us to pay the full price?

Also now that she's having such a strop about it I'm even less inclined to budge, as it will just teach her that this reaction works.

YABU - it's a small price to pay for your child's happiness
YANBU - if it's important to her, she should be prepared to contribute

If she wants it, she can pay! You gave her a budget, she asked for more and you said she can top it up which seems quite reasonable to me. I agree that if you give in now you are teaching her this reaction works so no, don't cave!

I would have just paid it but as you pointed out, her reaction has now made this into something bigger. She needs to learn the value of money.

She wouldn't get one at all if she acts like that. You've gave her a budget she either finds one in budget or pays the difference its as simple as that. She can't just have what she wants when she want because she throws a tantrum life doesn't work like that. Stand your ground

Good system. You’re undoubtably paying the lions share so if she wants a better one seems very reasonable to me!

Im amazed at how kids these days have really expensive phones. I dont know how people afford it but even if they can, I dont personally think thats right that a child has something so expensive when it makes no odds to have a cheaper version

You set your budget. That is the budget, she either buys within the budget or tops up herself. Completely fair.

A child isn't lesser. Especially at teenage years. Why should a teenager have less than just because it exists. Everyone in my house has equal quality in everything. That doesn't mean we all have the best. But we don't have different tiers of lifestyle. 15yo DD and I have the exact same phone (mid range).

I think kids appreciate things more when they have a stake in the game too.

Because when teens get older they need an incentive to actually get a job and earn their own money whats the point if mum and dad buy them whatever they want. My 2 eldest both got a job at 16 because they wanted nice things that im not willing to buy outside of Christmas and birthdays. I'm a strong believer of you want something you earn it, life isn't free

My children have nice things and ambitions. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

Asking her for the extra sounds like really good parenting. You've told her that you have a budget and must work within it - that's a good lesson on its own. And now you've asked her to reflect on her own budget and the choices it requires her to make. You've given her responsibility at a level appropriate for her age.

Stick to your guns!

But a cheaper phone doesn't make a child lesser.
If a child is brought up believing they are owed the same quality of life as their parents (who have presumably strived for many years in their careers to build their life and wealth), how will they cope with a reduced lifestyle on their first minimum wage jobs? It's these children who grow up ruining their finances by buying range rovers on finance because they have never come to terms with the idea of delayed gratification.

No way can you go back on what you've said. Her reaction tells you everything you need to know.

Yeah I might have been tempted to compromise if she’d behaved better but throwing a fit? No thanks.

My kids have cheaper phones than I do as they are far more likely to have them nicked at school than I am at work. It’s not because I don’t value them as people. They both have the same phone which was around £120.

It depends. If your DD has tendency to ask for things more more more, to feel entitled, then yes it’s a good lesson. But if your child is normally very good at not pushing, sticks to budget and knows that money doesn’t just come from heaven, then I’d get it for her (but before this stage, it’s too late now and will be the thin edge of the wedge if you capitulate)!

I agree.

What was your budget, out of interest? And what phone does she want?

It was interesting to us as parents to find out what our children valued enough to put their hand into their own pocket for. We also had budget limits and if they wanted something above that then they had to pay.

It is an important lesson and something to have a conversation over, either, she gets a phone within the budget set by you, or she pays the extra £50 for the phone she wants.

I think she needs to understand minimum wage bands, under 18 is £8 an hour, make her think about that and the £50 she wants you to fund on top of the already decided budget. If you back down now she will just know she can throw a hissy tantrum and you will fold.

good for you OP. We all have budgets.

First post nails it. I would be hugely disappointed by her reaction and calling you tight. Stick to your guns here. You’re spot on about the principle.

You’re being very fair. She will never learn to look after her things until she feels the pain of having to fork out for it herself

This 100%

I would be telling her that for every strop she has about it your contribution goes down by £10

what you are doing is a good lesson for her

After that tantrum and strop I’d be telling her she can pay for ALL her new phone!!!

OP just stick with what you've already told her;

The budget for your phone is still £x amount.
If you really want the more expensive one, then you need to pay the difference.

Bottom line, 'If it's not worth the extra £50 to YOU, then why on earth would it be worth it for ME????
And there will be NO new phone at all until you've apologised for your unnecessary, rude behaviour!

In our house it’s the other way around. We all have iPhones, and buy outright and then have SIM only deals. When we upgrade (not every year but usually in October after the new iPhone comes out and we never get the newest one) DD gets the new one, I get hers, DH gets mine and we sell his. DD has never demanded a new phone and knows she has to look after it because it needs to be passed down.
Like it or not phones do matter to kids. I wouldn’t have the tantrum though.