AIBU to dislike my sister redecorating my living room unasked?

[DonnaLothario]

My sister decorated my living room for me while I was away as a surprise. I really appreciate what she has done but I never asked her to and I don’t like it 😞 it’s very bright and colourful whereas I like calm “quiet” tones. I know I should be grateful but it’s my living room 😞
I confided in my mum that I didn’t like it (although appreciated the thought) and she launched into a lecture about how my house is a mess and if I hadn’t let it get so bad my sister wouldn’t have felt the need to step in - just made me feel like shit. Yes it has needed doing for a while but I was waiting until I had enough money to do it exactly how I wanted it.

Am I being ungrateful? My mum basically tried to make me out to be a scruff and a bad parent. I don’t know if she’s told my sister what I said - I just feel so shit about it all

I am a bit torn.

It's definitely overstepping.

But I think it probably comes from a place of kindness where you appear to be struggling to manage to do it yourself so it was meant as a really nice, happy surprise.

Your sister was definitely wrong to redecorate the room while you were away. I would also b very upset and angry.
But was the house in such a bad state that that your mum and sister thought they had to do something about it, are you struggling to cope or was it dangerous or dirty and very unpleasant to be in or did it just need a bit of a refresh because it was looking tired with scuffed paint, etc. if it was the former I can understand why they did it although they were still wrong and should have spoken to you about it but it's easier to forgive.

Absolutely not.

Why on earth should she accept this unwanted decoration especially as it is so far removed from her taste.

Get the keys back asap and tell them how much it is going to cost to reverse the damage to your home.

It’s kind of simultaneously lovely and an awful thing to do!!! I love people giving the ‘she’s awful’ single liners as opposed to a proper paragraph saying she probably wanted to help, it’s lovely in theory but ridiculous and insane given it’s totally not what you wanted!!

Id be furious personally. I’d try to be polite to my sister if she genuinely thought she was doing me a favour. I’d just continue to save up to do what I wanted and when I had the money, do it my way. If she feels slighted then, tough. I would also take back my keys as they clearly don’t respect boundaries.
For my mother, firstly I’d learn from this and not share my personal thoughts with her again. I’d also probably take a big step back from her for a while. No one gets to imply I’m a bad parent, make me feel bad and then carry on as usual. If she does something similar again I’d just leave (or ask her to leave) and keep doing so until she got the message I won’t accept that behaviour.

Go paint your dms lounge orange at the first opportunity..

She had a damn cheek! How did she get the keys? I would go absolutely ape shit and look into the following:

Get a quote to have the room done to your taste. Get the money from her then get the room redone.
Or go to the small claims court and sue her.
Another course is Criminal damage/trespassing.
See a solicitor.

I wonder what she would prefer?

I’ve seen a few surprise makeovers on Tik Tok and to be honest they were genuinely lovely. One guy made his wife a reading nook…. It was top tier. However, you’ve really got to be able to separate your own taste from that of the recipient. My mum is very keen on decorating but she cannot do this. She would paint my house bright, fresh colours with splashy florals when my own taste is more toned by colours with more texture. How she cannot see this I have no idea. Sounds like your sister has the same kind of issue, is a dopamine decorator when you’re more about neutrals.

This is mental. No one is going to sue their own sister for the cost of redecorating it.

I’d be fuming.

A nice surprise would be an offer to pay and decorate to your design.

Be honest, how bad has your house/ living room got that your family felt they had to intervene?

I’ve come across a few families professionally who have let houses become dirty and cluttered or in poor state of repair and they’d all say they hadn’t got round to the cleaning or home improvements.

Doesn’t take much money to keep things neat, clean and maintained.

If the above doesn’t relate to your room at all and they’re just being snobby, I would be annoyed.

I’d be livid. That’s a real intrusion, and I’d hate it. I’d change it back to straight away. She should have asked and discussed colour etc.

Don’t feel guilty at not feeling ungrateful. I had my dm staying once and she decided to reorganise my undersink cupboard. It didn’t need doing and she put everything on the wrong place. I immediately re-reorganised it after she left (can you tell I’m still seething ten years later!).

Exactly this. Why was it done quietly and why not to her taste?

Is your house really messy though OP? And was it done out of genuine concern that you weren't coping?

Even if things were in a right state, they've no right to barge in and do it up without any consultation with the householder. I’d be absolutely hopping mad.
Were it spruced up in line with my tastes, which they as family know, it would at least have shown an element of care for me. But to do it up according to what they decided was right and proper, and wildly out of sympathy with my preferences, is not on at all.
That strikes me as caring about appearances, and not about me.

I would really hate this as it’s such an invasion of privacy even if well intentioned. I don’t think I would have a big fall out but quietly change your house to your own style. Your mum was also wrong to criticise your lifestyle unless it’s dangerous. I think I would change my locks too. My house is my safe place where I feel comfortable even if not to other people’s taste or standard of tidiness.

Changing Rooms - I hope to god there was no "rag-rolling" 😱

If the house was such a state, why didn't sister clear shit laying around into boxes and hire a good cleaning service for a major deep clean? Then offer to buy OP the paint colours she likes?

A whole redecorate including painting without the homeowner's permission or even consulting them is super invasive and controlling. Change your locks and buy some cheap tapestries or fabric to hang on your walls.

This is only ok if Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen pops out your wardrobe saying "surprise".

Otherwise they should be down B&Q buying paint of your colour choosing and repainting immediately.