AIBU to dislike my sister redecorating my living room unasked?

[DonnaLothario]

My sister decorated my living room for me while I was away as a surprise. I really appreciate what she has done but I never asked her to and I don’t like it 😞 it’s very bright and colourful whereas I like calm “quiet” tones. I know I should be grateful but it’s my living room 😞
I confided in my mum that I didn’t like it (although appreciated the thought) and she launched into a lecture about how my house is a mess and if I hadn’t let it get so bad my sister wouldn’t have felt the need to step in - just made me feel like shit. Yes it has needed doing for a while but I was waiting until I had enough money to do it exactly how I wanted it.

Am I being ungrateful? My mum basically tried to make me out to be a scruff and a bad parent. I don’t know if she’s told my sister what I said - I just feel so shit about it all

YANBU. Take your keys back. Who paints someone else’s house as a surprise?!

I'd go apeshit about the invasion of my space. A good clean and putting out some new cushions and throws would be a lovely thing to do. Taking over your personal space by redecorating is not acceptable.

That's so rude of them. Do you have a the time or capacity to paint it back to a colour you like? Get your key back from them as well.

Hmm, I might reconsider who has a key to my house.

It seems they are framing “control” as “kindness”.

Kindness would have been offering to pay for the paint etc and helping you carry out the work. Not doing it behind your back and in their taste not yours.

Why is your Mum framing needing to redecorate as “bad parenting”?

I assume you meant she repainted the room??? I'd be livid.

Tidying and at most but repainting is bonkers. Its like an episode of changing rooms.

I would not be happy either. Home decor is such a personal thing.

Is there any way to time it down? Is it just paint, or wallpaper? What colour is it? Did she buy new accessories as well?

I had my house decorated for Christmas once as a ‘nice surprise’ whilst I was away. it was a surprise but certainly not nice. When I commented everyone especially my mum was nasty for weeks.

Fuck that. Fucking cheek.

OP, I would absolutely lose it. I think I would have fallen out with both DSis and DM over this. It’s outrageous overstepping on your sister’s part.

Now it’s been freshened up what can you do to make it feel like your lounge? Is there a colour on the paper or paint you like so you can get sone accessories. Now it’s done I would make the best of it.

If it’s paper you can downplay a lot by changing your furniture around and added nic naps, cushions, curtains . I’ve rented many houses so always had to make the best of every room even when not my taste. Do you have a link to it, we might be able to recommend some bits and pieces.

This is an insane thing to do.

I’d go nuts. It takes ages to redecorate, what an absolute pita to have to do. What has your sister said? Did she expect you to be happy about it, presumably?

That's awful, OP. She should repaint it for you now in the colours you want. She hasn't done a kind thing for you - she's literally controlling your own home.

Yanbu.
Only on MN does this shit happen.
I would be apoplectic at such an invasion of my home.
Get the key back.

Your mother is a twat. Ignore her.

I can't believe you aren't losing your shit over this. Are they always so highhanded with you?

Key back now and change it back to how you want it. This kind of surprise is rarely a good one. Anyone with a brain in their head would know that.

She thought she had done a nice thing for you but understandably it’s not what you would choose.

As you are saving to get it done thank her for helping you see what needs doing and paint it your own choice of colours. It won’t cost you any more so you are in no worse a position.

Though you may need to keep the lights off for a while 😊

Curious as to what she actually did as seems to be 2 different things you are talking about - you mention the colour, your mum mentions it being a state.
Was it genuinely a safe environment for your kids? Are you struggling day to day with things?
Just wondering if you're angry about your struggles being seen.
They've been cackhanded but well intentioned. Did they mostly do tidying, organising and cleaning?
Either fume or use it as an opportunity to do an honest review of how you're coping. Do you need more help. Now is the time to admit it and go to gp etc.

Yes, same here. I can’t believe anyone would think this is ok. And there’s no way I would let this lie. If you afford some basic paint, paint over it.

What does this mean? The OP was quite clear.

Even if it was just builders white paint, I would be repainting immediately and making it very clear that redecorating was a massive overstepping of boundaries.

As for their comments on the state of your house - rude & thoughtless. Uou might be depressed/overwhelmed or have other things going on.

Bang out of order. Good job it was your sister in law not your mother in law though, or you'd be getting all the 'wow, MILs can't do right for doing wrong, send her my way, she's tried to do a kind thing, did you pay her or do you just use her for free labour?' posts.

Outrageous behaviour by your sis and mum!!

Make sure you get your keys back - actually better to change the locks - and tell sis to repaint it in the style YOU want.

What your sister did is weird and I would let her know.

I would be furious. If it were my sister, she would be left in doubt that she had crossed a line.