AIBU to just quietly cut SIL out of my life? (Used AI to help me write this up as it’s a long story!)
Just to say upfront, I’ve used AI to help me write this because there’s years of history and when I try to explain it myself I end up rambling 😂 But the events/opinions are mine.
DH has 3 brothers and 1 sister. His sister has always been difficult/selfish/competitive according to DH – those are his words, not just mine. They had a very privileged upbringing – private schools, amazing holidays, etc – but there has always seemed to be this underlying competitiveness between the siblings.
SIL is very close to MIL. They see each other pretty much every day and SIL talks constantly about her children/their achievements etc. We live nearby too, although barely see SIL.
There have been years of little incidents, but one from years ago has always stuck with me because it happened when I was incredibly vulnerable.
I had just given birth emergency c-section after failed induction - and became very ill. I was in hospital with an infection, had been back into surgery, and my newborn was in NICU being supported with his breathing. I was also about 300 miles away from my own family.
We also had a 3yo DS.
Because of infection/vulnerable babies, the midwife asked DH if possible not to bring our 3yo onto the ward/NICU that day. I believe a couple of babies had fallen ill.
DH therefore asked MIL if she could have our older DS so he could come to the hospital and be with our baby (and me to some extent but I was quite bed ridden and very poorly).
It happened to be SIL’s birthday.
MIL apparently told DH that SIL had said she didn’t want our DS there because it was her birthday and she wanted it to be just her mum and her own DS, who was also 3 at the time.
So DH couldn’t leave our 3yo with MIL and therefore couldn’t come and be with me and our newborn.
That has honestly never left me.
Fast forward about six weeks. Baby and I were finally home after a long hospital stay. I was post-C-section, recovering from infection and still couldn’t drive because of the complications.
I asked MIL whether, just one morning a week for the next TWO weeks, she could take older DS to preschool because I was really struggling physically.
SIL was there and said something along the lines of, “Other people can do it, why can’t you?”
I said because I’m poorly and physically struggling!
I then said fine, DH would have to do it, although it would affect his work. MIL’s response was that she’d speak to DH.
And this isn’t really about those two incidents anymore. There have been years of similar behaviour and I think I’ve reached the point where I simply don’t want a relationship with SIL.
I don’t want a big confrontation. I don’t want DH to stop seeing his sister. I wouldn’t stop the children having relationships with family either. I’m happy to be polite if we’re at the same family event.
I just don’t want her in my life beyond that.
Basically treating her as DH’s sister rather than someone I personally have a relationship with.
Im very close to my brother’s wife and my mum treats her like another daughter. It’s all very different in my family. 🙏🏽
Part of me wonders whether I’m holding onto things that happened a very long time ago. But another part of me thinks that how someone treats you when you’re at your absolute lowest tells you quite a lot.
So AIBU to just keep stepping right back and stop bothering? Or do I need to let the old stuff go?