Secret sweet stash

[naturetrail]

DH keeps a "secret" stash of sweets in his bedside drawer. They're not a secret as me and all 3 children know they're there.
He takes them out at night and will lay in bed eating them. He never ever offers me one but if i say please can i have a Malteser for example, he'll huff and puff, lecture me about buying my own sweets and then when i say look don't worry about it I'll not bother. He'll say go on then just take one though.
It makes me feel so mad.
I share everything i have with him and kids. He'll take off my plate in a restaurant to try stuff. So do kids. I couldn't care less.
We went to star bucks and i got a cake pop. DS hadn't wanted anything but said mummy can i try. I broke him half off. DH was outraged. No it's mummies etc.
I genuinely share everything and doesn't phrase me.
I don't know how he can just lay there in bed next to me and not share. Or if kids ask he'll say no they're just daddies 🙄
I find it so weird that he won't share. He finds it weird i won't buy my own sweets and have my own drawer. But i don't want them all the time just occasionally fancy one! Oh and kids will say when he's at work will you get me one of dad's and i say no. And when he opens the drawer on a night he goes hmm i hope no ones been in this drawer or ill be angry. It makes me want to shout fuck off at him 😂

“He takes them out at night and will lay in bed eating them”

Eating chocolates in bed before you go to sleep? I do hope DH gets up and cleans his teeth. And if I knew he didn’t like sharing his sweets, then I’d get my own (only I couldn’t be bothered to get up and clean my teeth again, so I wouldn’t eat them, because I wouldn’t be able to go to sleep with dirty teeth).

This!!

I remember my mum having a "secret" stash of crisps and snacks as a child.

We respected they were hers. I dont believe I have food issues.

As long as your children dont go without, I wouldn't have a huge issue

Only child here i find sharing ridiculously hard. Not that someone would get more than me, but the opposite, that I would inadvertently take more than my share.

My wife and I even count out smarties so it's fair. We both worked for a lovely old lady who sent us home with sweets like little kids. She quickly got the joke and would insist we'd take an even number to her own kids/grandkids bemusement.

So dh can't share his stuff...don't share with him and tell him why

@greensuitcasehow’s it ridiculous? Kids with siblings usually have to share at points so it’s naturally taught. An only child needs their parent to actively teach it. I’m not saying every only child doesn’t share, one’s taught to, or naturally empathetic will. Ones allowed to keep everything to themselves end up spoilt, like this guy. And my ex husband incidentally so I have some experience in this field 😝

Why is it weird to want his own things? Its not like the kids aren't allowed treats in general that you couldn't just buy yourself some sweets to have on the odd occasions that you want them. I dont think there is anything wrong with a grown up having things which are just theirs and for him its sweets. I think youre making it a bigger deal than it needs to be

I am from a household that you wouldn't get anything if you didn't hide it.
You open a bag of crisps and there are 5 or 6 people grabbing at the bag before you have even opened it.
This has given me an unhealthy relationship with snacks. Maybe he has something like that at play too.

Begrudging you a malteaser is a bit much, but I do understand wanting something just for yourself and not having to hide it to protect it in your own home.
On the food sharing spectrum I am more like you @naturetrail and will freely share my food with my DH and DD and it gives me pleasure to do so. Even if there is a pack of three buns and my DH and DD have had theirs, if when I come to have mine the next day there aren't any other treats in the house, I never mind cutting it into thirds.
But if I get a box of chocolate or something for a special occasion, I don't want it to be opened until I want to open it. Once I've opened it, I'll offer it round, but DH had to learn that sharing my food only happens on my terms and although the terms are relaxed, they do exist!!

He's kids dad not step dad, i wouldn't find it as weird if he actually hid it but to have it where we all know where it is is just annoying. Also to eat in front of people and not offer i find mean!
I looked in his drawer last night, he has a box of Malteasers, Malteaser truffles, haribo gummy bears, tangfastics, black Jack's and some boiled sweets as well. So not like he doesn't have loads!
I know people saying get my own drawer like he says but i don't want a full drawer of sugary crap just the occasional sweet! I don't fancy a sweet but if he's eating them it makes me want one.
Me and the kids are quite healthy and active. We certainly don't eat sweets/treats everyday. We have biscuits in the house and we aren't super strict but much healthier than DH, he is the only one who is overweight. For people who are saying they don't share. Why? Im genuinely interested, if you have a box of chocolates why is giving one away hard?

Given you have said he is overweight, maybe food is emotionally very important to him? Maybe that’s why it’s hard to share?

Does he share non-food items?

To avoid being annoyed about your husband, get your own sweetie stash for emergencies. Problem solved!

Why don't you put a chocolate bar in your own bedside drawer? Or put it in a secret place in the kitchen? Don't complain about your husband when there is an easy solution.

It is a bit weird, especially trying to train your kids to thinking of sharing as anathema, but…. Why don’t you just get your own sweets? You say you don’t want them all the time, just occasionally…. But that’s what a stash is for, surely? You just dip into it when you fancy

There's a middle ground between being highly possessive over food (and eating sweets in bed is gross) and automatically handing over half of anything you are eating to a kid if (when) they ask. They don't see generosity, they just take it for granted that what's yours is theirs.

One great thing about DH is that he will guard the last ice cream for me if everyone else has already had one

Find out what his absolute favourite sweet is then get loads of that for your own drawer.. then take it out to eat when he hasn't got any of that. Haha..

Then make noises ..mmm mmm so good
Better than sex.

I hide my work snacks / treat food in my desk drawer at home purely so the kids don’t find and eat it. Bit mean of him not to share if you ask.

As a pp mentioned, I hope he brushes his teeth afterwards. My dentist told me it’s the worst thing, eating sweets late at night and not brushing afterwards.

I’d find it a bit off to eat sweets last thing, we don’t have food/drink in the bedrooms, but obviously, people are different. If you only want the occasional sweet, why not have a small amount in your drawer? I might be reluctant if I’ve chosen my treats and then my DH wants them.

You would really annoy me!

When we go shopping we buy treats for ourselves and they are solely ours.

I’d hate someone to be begging for my treats all of the time.

As a one off I wouldn’t mind but it sounds like you’ve done this a few times now and that would really get on my nerves.

Trying each others food, like the cake pop, when you’re out is very different to the treats you buy for home.

I can’t imagine having to share absolutely everything just because I’m in a relationship.

I completely agree but considering that this has happened a few times and OP still refuses to have her own stash, then I think she doesn’t actually want anything, she just doesn’t want DH having anything to himself.

She seems to have an odd view that everything must be shared.

I am gluten free and my snacks are like gold dust. If anyone eats one l am upset as l cannot just eat any old treat thats in the house. Your dh can do what he wants and as this is important to him just let him have his wishes. Stop making a big deal out of it.