Secret sweet stash

[naturetrail]

DH keeps a "secret" stash of sweets in his bedside drawer. They're not a secret as me and all 3 children know they're there.
He takes them out at night and will lay in bed eating them. He never ever offers me one but if i say please can i have a Malteser for example, he'll huff and puff, lecture me about buying my own sweets and then when i say look don't worry about it I'll not bother. He'll say go on then just take one though.
It makes me feel so mad.
I share everything i have with him and kids. He'll take off my plate in a restaurant to try stuff. So do kids. I couldn't care less.
We went to star bucks and i got a cake pop. DS hadn't wanted anything but said mummy can i try. I broke him half off. DH was outraged. No it's mummies etc.
I genuinely share everything and doesn't phrase me.
I don't know how he can just lay there in bed next to me and not share. Or if kids ask he'll say no they're just daddies 🙄
I find it so weird that he won't share. He finds it weird i won't buy my own sweets and have my own drawer. But i don't want them all the time just occasionally fancy one! Oh and kids will say when he's at work will you get me one of dad's and i say no. And when he opens the drawer on a night he goes hmm i hope no ones been in this drawer or ill be angry. It makes me want to shout fuck off at him 😂

Sounds like he has some serious issues around food / fairness / sharing

was he one of a big family where literally he had to fight his corner and guard his share to get his own needs to be met?

Really not nice for you and the kids and sets a horrible example that daddy has everything he wants but you can’t even have a taste…

some deep seated psychological issues going on in him that I doubt he will admit to but I think he really needs to explore in therapy.

Quite the opposite to be fair, I'm from a massive family and he's an only child. Maybe that's it?
Drives me insane. Especially as I've said to put them in the high up cupboard where kids can't reach but he insists they shouldn't have to be out of reach. And that the kids shouldn't take them. I do tell the kids not to eat them but it's hard when temptation is there and sometimes they do eat some of them.
I just find it bizarre that he makes such an issue of it. Comes across as really greedy!

So much wrong with this but mostly a grown man in bed eating sweets 🤮

Only child that’s never been taught to share 🤢

Im with dh. I don't share food. If you want food get your own this is mine

I think it's fine to have a secret stash, within reason, but it needs to actually be secret so that the kids aren't tempted and asking for it.

I could also understand being annoyed if you were asking for half of it or more all the time, but it's embarrassing that he begrudges you a few pieces every now and then.

It does sound like he's never learned to share, which is embarrassing in someone old enough to have children.

Yeah I’m team DH.

Not everything is for sharing, genuinely. And I teach my kids that too.

I don’t quite have a sweet drawer but often I’ll buy something that’s for me. I don’t want to share it, the kids and DH take enough of my shit as it is. I’ll hide it and when I want it it’s there. Nothing annoys me more is when I leave it with the family snacks, I fancy it and it’s gone. Let the man have his maltesers in peace ffs.

Grudging you one malteaser
Fair to say you know
Youll never get his last rollo.

Il give my partner a kidney but if he wants one of my Malteaser the answer is no

While I don't have a secret snack stash I'm 50/50 on this one, while I'd share something if asked sometimes it's nice just to have something for 'you' and be left to enjoy it.

My DH has two large bars of chocolate in his snack draw, they've been there since Christmas and as much as I fancy chocolate at times when none is in the house I'd never ask him to open them as they were bought for him.

My favourite are dark choc gingers
Dark choc ginger biscuits
So mine are safe even when I offer DW.

I’m Team Husband. I’m sick of people helping themselves to my treats/food instead of buying their own. One of my friends has form for this, it’s so rude.

Saying that I’d happily give DP my last rolo, as that’s how much I love him 😆.

Also the obvious solution to your problem is to put your own sweets in to your drawer 😂

He's setting the children up to fail..
They are children..they know the sweets are there ,they know they are easy to get to ..it's encouraging secret eating and stealing..he's putting temptation in their way .. obviously they don't have the self control of adults and will definitely be eating those sweets,and feeling bad about it ..it's setting them up for a lifetime of issues and setting them up to fail..
Is he their step dad by any chance...
He has a nasty streak in him

Yes, I dread to think what state his teeth are in.

If by any chance I'm projecting..which in hindsight I might be ..
I had a step dad who did exactly this ..and I was constantly in trouble and getting hit for stealing..but I didn't have access to any sweets/ chocolate of my own and I knew where they were ,he knew I was stealing them and counted them ,and I got smacked every time ..and I did end up with weight / eating issues..and I should of had self control..I don't know why I didn't stop ..oh dear ,I'm actually getting upset.. perhaps this is not the thread for me .sorry op

It's nice to offer to share but it is annoying if it's expected constantly.

Your husband sounds on the more extreme end but I would get a bit frustrated if my husband expected me to share everytime I ate one of the chocolates/snacks I have chosen.

I even tell my 5 year old sometimes that no, you've had your snack and I didn't ask for any of yours and now I'm having mine. It's good to have boundaries around it but also good to learn to offer!

I find it slightly annoying when I eat with someone who asks if I want to try their food/snack whatever with the obvious expectation i will do the same. I prefer to stick with my food and everyone else do the same!

Also - not related but Maltesers arent sweets are they? They're chocolate! I think of sweets as skittles/lovehearts/haribo etc.

He should be promoting sharing, however I don't think your children should take them either. We can't always have what we want.

I don't get why you can't just get your own sweet stash, like he says though?

I am not a mean.person. I automatically share. However i do hate if im having a meal and someone wants to try my food. My internal scream is shouting noooooo order ur own!!! Safe to say im not keen on going out for tapas

I would stop sharing your food with him so he gets to experience how mean and petty he feels tbh.

This, get your own sweet stash. My SIL has sometimes bought chocolate just for her and my DB (her husband) has nicked it. But he will buy her chocolate.

Team dh here.

Everyone is entitled to have their own things - be that your cake pop, meal, the dc's toys or books, everyone's own clothes, and yes, your dh's sweets. Everyone is entitled to have their own 'treat' and choose when they eat them, how often they eat them, and to expect them to last as long as they ration them.

I mean, it is a bit odd to be eating them in bed, BUT if you want treats for yourself, then buy them.

Did He go to birding school? My dad was like this (about his stuff mainly but also food) and I think it was years spent at boarding school where all he had was ‘his’ stuff. No sharing.

Ridiculous comment. The only children I know are the most generous as they’re not had to learn to guard their belongings!