AIBU to feel hurt friend picked the gym over our farewell dinner?

[ditchedforbarbells]

There's 4 of us. Known them for 5+ years but we've grown especially close in the last 3 years as we started playing doubles padel together. Used to meet twice a week to play but stopped in may after one got an injury, and never really got into the groove to start back up because two of us were in new jobs much further away. All mid-30s.

I'm relocating to Australia next week. We agreed to have a sort of farewell get together this Friday.

Yesterday morning she messaged in the group that she'd be cancelling because she signed up for a HYROX challenge at her gym where they'd have to attend every single evening session. This means that she would not be free for dinner for the rest of the month.

She's not avoiding us or anything it's genuinely as she said. Know a few other people who go to the same gym and they're there every single day for the challenge thing too so it's something that people really get into.

I know it's her choice and all but I'm sad.

AIBU to be a bit miffed? One last dinner for the foreseeable future and she cancels for a gym challenge?

You can say goodbye another time, surely. There's too much pressure on friends nowadays to prove they value the friendship by putting themselves out in various ways. She wants to do that daily challenge. She likes you, and will no doubt stay in touch after you move.

I'd be sad too. But I suspect, despite close you are now, you will find you lose touch very quickly once you move.

Or she could be very upset that you are moving and would find it really hard to say goodbye so this is a good excuse to miss the final dinner?

She's cut herself off from you to avoid pain.

It's understandable to be a bit put out.

However, HYROX sounds a mad intensive thing, so if she's committed to doing it every night for a month or similar, I can understand how it would bugger up her fitness goal to go out instead.

Might she join you at the restaurant for a coffee and dessert or something after her 8km crazy fitness thing?

Whatever happens, don't let the unavailability of one person spoil your night, and best wishes for your new life in Australia!

Putting a gym session before a farewell dinner with a friend moving to Australia is pretty rubbish OP. I would be hurt too. It says more about her, than you. Good luck with your move and enjoy your meal with the rest of the group.

Fine to be sad. But unfortunately the friendship is probably mostly over anyway if you’re moving to Australia

Maybe she feels abandoned by you for moving to Australia?

Must admit, this would be my thinking too. She’s signed up to something where she has to go for one reason or another. I’d not be cancelling either.

She’s basically told you how much she values your friendship and that doesn’t seem to be a lot so you’re defo not wrong to be upset.

When she fancies staying with you to save money on her trip to Australia you can enjoy saying you’re doing a Hyrox thing and it’s not convenient!!!

I think it says more about her priorities than it does about you. I’d be hurt as well but try not to take it personally.

Hyrox seems to be some sort of addictive cult so I am not surprised it was this. Shame but she’s telling you where in the pecking order she sees the friendship. Her loss and go and have a good time with the others. Good luck with your big move.

Some of these posts are harsh.
I would be upset too op.
Can she join you after for the drinks bit?

Maybe she isn't good with endings and wants to avoid a final farewell. I struggle with goodbyes too.

When I emigrated 10 years ago I noted that some folk were particularly frosty about it and almost seemed to take umbrage with it.

I see it in people's efforts to keep in touch too - it's like they are of the opinion that it's my 'fault' I moved away and that it shouldn't require any effort whatsoever on their part. Hey ho.

She might not deal well with goodbyes and could be secretly feeling annoyed that you are leaving. If you are good friends she might be feeling abandoned. Attachment issues maybe?

I'd be hurt if a close friend wouldn't make the effort for my leaving dinner. Quite selfish in my opinion. Be happy with those that showed up for you.

I’ve only read the first page so far but in my opinion, Hyrox is a cult and so is CrossFit. The kind of people who sign up become obsessed with it and make it their whole personality as if those who don’t take part in it are beneath them. It’s your ‘friends’ loss, as upsetting as it must be. I hope you enjoy your dinner with your other friends.

That's MN at the moment. Any expectation of any treatment beyond being shat on, is apparently huge entitlement.

Ask her to join you afterwards. She can come to the restaurant maybe and have a drink. I’ve done that if can’t manage/afford a whole night out as have my friends. Good luck with your move.

She’s completing a challenge and needs to be there every night.

It’s not my cup of tea but the regular gym goers I know take their routine very seriously, much more than lackadaisical me who goes to the odd yoga class.

It sounds like you don’t understand her drive to complete this challenge. Plus maybe she knows that you and her unlikely to stay in touch much when you’re in Aus so it’s not worth breaking a challenge streak for the get together.

how on earth can you say that she will no doubt keep in touch with OP? You literally know nothing about her or her personality or circumstances other than the tiny amount op has relayed, and literally everything about that (she's flaky and selfish) suggests the opposite!

Hyrox is like a cult, I know people who have started it and it takes over their life, and becomes thier whole personality. It costs hundreds to take part.

I have some sympathy but you're the one moving to Australia. Maybe she thinks you can't value the friendship that much if you're moving to the other side of the world.

Yanbu. Not really a friend is she. Good enough to use for a breakup but not even an hour or two for a supposed good friend. Well at least now you know

When I emigrated to Oz, I found it very surprising who made an effort to say goodbye and stay in touch. It wasn’t always the people you would expect, and I know this is very common from talking to others who emigrated. So try not to take it to heart, some people just don’t like people moving on, and that’s fine.