AIBU to not invite these mums to my child’s party ?

[TraitorsSandwich]

I’m currently organizing my child’s 2nd birthday party and I don’t think I’m in the wrong but interested to hear other views…

After I had my baby, there were six of us from my antenatal course who kept in touch and saw each other fairly often in the first year. Two of the mums (A&B). went back to work full time and understandably, their time is very precious these days so even when we have planned get togethers on a weekend, neither of them have been able to come. So I’ve not seen either of these mums for a year now (although I know a couple of the other mums have).

We are hosting a party and I have invited the 3 mums I do see with their children. One of the mums has made a few comments to me about it being a shame for A&B not to be invited & how it would have been nice to all get together to celebrate.

She’s also said the same thing to the other mums that are invited & both said they felt quite awkward about it and didn’t know what to say…

I’m starting to get a bit irritated about it as I feel it’s adding an atmosphere to what should be a nice day for my child.

As far as I’m concerned A&B were friends of a time & place and life has moved on now and it would be odd to invite them after a year of not seeing them and minimal contact.

AIBU to not invite them ?!

Because she asked me who else was invited when I gave her the invite so I told her. Then she started saying it was a shame for the other two.

No one else is doing a party (that I know of - if A a& B are I definitely wouldn’t be expecting an invite )

Did you do these play dates when these women were working or weekends?

i just felt like I had to draw a line on the invites somewhere as it does get expensive with catering / party bags & my husband wants to serve champagne as well which all adds up.

Last year all the Dads from our antenatal group came too so it would be an extra 6 people coming on top of our family and friends that we do actually see.

We are the only ones from that group to do a party last year and this year.

We have had meet ups and play dates on weekends but they haven’t been free.

But I do see the other mums in the group during the week as well but we keep that off the group chat.

I’d just include everyone on the invitation.

WHAT!? She's got the cheek to tell you who to invite to your party but she's not holding one herself !?

So interfering friend and a&b didn’t do a 1st bday party and won’t be doing a 2nd / unless you are not invited

@Blondeshavemorefun yes that’s right - no one else has done a party. So it’s not like we ‘owe’ a returned invite to anyone

NCT groups can be difficult when stuff like this happens. We have six in ours. I wouldn’t not invite someone to a party (although I wish I could not invite one of them!) but I have had days out with individuals. I’m meeting one in a cafe this morning actually.

My problem is I don’t like asking in the group chat if anyone’s up for anything as they never seem to want to do anything. I genuinely don’t know how they are filling time this summer.

My apologies. I realise I inadvertently discriminated against female and non-binary individuals with my use of the phrase ‘you guys’. Thank you for raising my consciousness.

The rephrased rhetorical question should be read thus:

Why do you people make basic things so complicated?

(BTW why do so many of you guys worry about pronouns and gendered language and then burst into tears when one other mum in the circle shows a preference for someone other than you? Trust me, the ‘guys’ don’t give a f**k about such things. Probably something we should all learn from this.)

The child is 2

Yes, but I was talking about what happens going forward in a year, two year's time, so it's not worth worrying about it now.