Rude husband

[billandtedsexcellentadventure]

I am at the end of my tether with my husband. He struggles socially. Have posted many times before. He finds chit chat hard. My family know this but will say hello and be polite but pretty much leave him to it.
we had a family meal last weekend. Parents hosted, all close family there. He went and sat away from everyone and basically just sat and drank for the whole evening. My uncle invited him over to where most people were sitting and he said no thanks the company’s better over here. He was by himself. I think he was trying to be funny. But I felt like this is rude. I feel like he was rude all evening. It probably would have been better if he just didn’t turn up to be honest. I’ve had a whole week to sit and think about it all and it’s given me the ick if I’m being honest. I need to speak to him about it. But really have no idea what to say. I’m sure he will say that everyone knows what he’s like etc, but that doesn’t make it ok. Didn’t know where else to post.

Confused why he has to come along? Surely you would both enjoy the evening more if you went and he stayed home. Feels like this is a molehill into a mountain type thing. And if your family are critical of him not being there, tell them he is tired from work and needed a rest or something, move on and enjoy seeing your family.

Why don't you ask him if he wants to go to these events or not - If he doesn't then leave him at home - if anyone asks about him, tell them social situations make him anxious so you both decided he should stay home. You will both be happy then.

I’m autistic and sometimes struggle a lot with social events, but I also understand that it is downright rude to show up and sit in a corner. I make an effort. If I’m having a really bad week I will skip the occasion. But even I would struggle with a partner who couldn’t participate in family and other social occasions with me. For me it’s an important part of life together.

@BibbityBoppityTwothank you for that response. It’s good to get a view from someone with autism.

@Givingmytwocentsi do normally ask.

@HJC88yes otherwise great.

@restingbitchface30yeah sounds similar.

@labamba007he doesn’t go out. He nearly always sits on his own when family are around

Why does he come with you to family events?

He clearly, by his actions doesn’t want to be at the event or around people, so why does he attend?

What attracted you to him? I assume he must have been some what social at first at least with you? So he can do it?

I was very low contact with my late DPs family because some of them were very rightwing, racist and sexist. One of them would try and goad me into arguments and then get abusive when I didn't rise to it. DP was very frank with them about why I didn't always go with him, and they respected that.

If your DH finds it so difficult, OP, leave him at home. It sounds as though that would be best for everyone.

It really does come down to your values. We all have to push ourselves a bit sometimes for the things we value. If you value having good relationships with family and friends, you need to accept that this means showing up and being present for them. There are all sorts of strategies you can use to make this easier — making sure you don’t drain your social battery with other things too close to an important occasion, taking some time out during longer events but making sure when you are in the room you are fully engaging with others, planning to work from home if you can on days either side of a big event so you’re not too taxed by it, talking to people on their own so you can have one on one catch ups if talking to larger groups is harder for you (one on one also makes it easier to bypass the small talk, which I also struggle with) etc. etc. But it all comes down to how important those relationships are to you.
Sometimes people don’t see them as important and are just happy to have family in the general vicinity and that is enough for them, but I don’t find that enough and want to have meaningful connections.