Is this the norm with adult children on holiday?

[Siciliansream]

My 22 yr old daughter said she would like to accompany my two other children both with mild
sn, on holidays. Im a single and solo parent. She suggested her bf comes along so I happily agreed .
she is 22 as is he, She is also in college and only has a small part time job as there is very little available.
So we are here and they’ve hardly spent any time with us bar the odd dinner and lunch. She is moody and difficult and defensive and I'm pretty sure her bf sees a very different side to her this holiday. He is a gentleman and lovely to my other kids. She is not. I paid for her entire trip and the majority of his.
To me, this was meant to be a family holiday with her bf coming along but in reality I feel like we’re on two separate holidays and I feel used frankly.
Of course, they would be having their couple time and date nights etc but we genuinely see them for an hour per day and at that she seems resentful.

AIBU to be disappointed and hurt ?

Don't over think it.

She's 22, of course she's still young and moody. Not everyone is sunshine and lollipops at that age, maybe the holiday is not as she imagined it, maybe she'll feel guilty about behaving 'badly' later, Some people here so ready to tag her as a 'user' or some such. So judgemental.

Special needs

22 is still immature and moody. really most 20 somethings are dreadful to be around.
OP it will get better a little later in life closer to 30.

Hope you can enjoy your holiday. Now you know that she is not able to support so they money you paid for her and much of boyfriend can be used either to just gift them a fully paid holiday on their own in future, or to support you and your 2 SEN children,

Why would she come on the holiday to support? The other 2 are 16 and 18 with mild additional needs. It’s not up to their sibling to support - maybe she wanted a nice family holiday with them all but her sibling is being so negative it has ruined it. Or maybe she’s spent her whole life being expected to support or missing out on attention due to the needs of the other 2, monopolising their mum. The 18 year old is getting theirs paid for so it’s not that much of a stretch that a parent would pay for their other adult child (although very generous to pay for their boyfriend). I know she should be grateful for the holiday but I feel a bit sorry for her for the pile on (even though I doubt she’s reading it).

@Summercocktailsgalore Yes, I don't think the 22-year-old factored in what supporting her siblings would entail, especially if one of them is being constantly negative.

No, she hasn't handled it well and I don't think she's mature enough for this- so don't plan on doing this again next year.

Resentful? Thank the lovely boyfriend and tell her clearly that you’ll not fund a holiday for her again. Tell her you’re hurt by her actions and glad her siblings don’t understand her hurtful behaviour.

Then as I finished typing the above I suddenly thought maybe there’s more to this. I grew up with a severely disabled younger sibling and a baby sibling ( 8 years younger) I felt unseen, perhaps she hoped for more of your time. I know that sounds unrealistic when she knows your caring commitments, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Something to consider!🍀

The way people talk about children here 😱 “used you”, “won’t be fooled twice”. Do you even love your children? 😱 I bet you are kinder to your neighbours

I've taken two of mine, in their 20s, on holiday recently. We planned in advance what we wanted to do (the point of the holiday was to do specific things) and worked to that plan. No significant others along though. If one of them went off and did their own thing all the time, I'd wonder what the point is, or shorten the holiday so it just covered what we were agreed on to do.

I agree. Some nasty comments about her.
She is 22 year old still in full time education, I dont think its wrong that her mum pays for her. Maybe she doesn't want to doesn't want to be a carer for her siblings on her holiday. Taking the boyfriend has changed the dynamic from a family holiday.