Am I cooking shit or being stingy??

[Hydranga]

Currently on holiday with my sister, her husband, their 8 year old DS Amanda 14 year old daughter

i had originally booked it for just me, DH and Ds (8) but I invited them last minute at no cost to them as sister was stressed about money and not being able to take the kids out.

They have complained non stop about the food. First evening we got a takeaway but first morning they asked what was for breakfast so I said I had porridge or Greek yogurt and fruit and nuts. BIL burst out laughing saying “so it’s either prison food or bird food?”. Sister said “don’t you have anything in for the kids?” So I said I’d got the porridge for the kids and I have honey, jam or Nutella to stir into it. Teen rolled her eyes and sister said “I’ll go to shop later and get something in”. Was it really so bad???

that evening I made spaghetti bolognese. 75g dry pasta each and a 600g pack of mince shared between us all with mushrooms, bacon and various veggies. When I served it BIL pulled a face and said where’s the rest of it? They all started laughing - teen dramatically pulled a bit up from her plate and let it fall back down slowly whilst pulling a face. Sister said “what’s up with you?” And teen said “it tastes funny”. They all laughed.

I was getting pissed off at this point and told them they’re welcome to buy and cook their own food if they’d prefer. BIL said “oh here we go, here’s the catch” so I said no I’m more than happy to carry on buying and cooking but not to be insulted and laughed at. DH then decided to tell everyone I’m always on weird diets which isn’t true, I have ibs so I do try and restrict certain things but he made it out to be about weight loss which it isn’t. DS said he likes the food and DN said “yeah but you’re used to eating crap”

So yesterday I refused to cook. They’d bought their own cereals but when it came to evening meal I told them I was cooking a curry for us 3 so they might want to pop to shop and get something in which they did and came back with dohnuts and loads of sweet food. Fair enough.

tonight sister had told me she can’t afford to go back to shop as they hadn’t budgeted for repeated shopping trips. I’ve told her I’m cooking paella and they’re welcome to join us without insults. She said she’d talk to them.

as of 10 minutes ago teen was still asking what was for dinner so she clearly daren’t tell her.

Am I really cooking shit or being stingy?? I’m starting to wonder if it’s me

Absolutely. No mushrooms!!!

You’re the one “looking down” on people. You admit you eat junk but can’t conceive that good cooked well that has veg in it, is not watery. Get some lessons!

Apparently the authentic recipe for Bolognese registered with the Italian Academy of Cooking only uses beef, pancetta, onions, carrots, celery, tomato paste, white or red wine, broth, and a little milk.

I think the Italian chef conversations are a bit of a derail!

OP only needs to establish it was a decent meal (which it was imo) not that it was a “proper” Italian bolognese or ragu.

Did your "proper Italian chef" (who obviously doesn't make a traditional Bolognese) forget to tell you that people can cook and eat whatever they want?

A chicken tikka masala isn't proper Indian food. Doesn't mean it isn't delicious.

100g for mince absolutely is enough for a meal! I've been browsing recipes online and it seems to be a completely standard portion size. I don't think Jamie Oliver is known for skimpy portions and he uses 500g mince for six people Best spaghetti Bolognese recipe | Easy guide BBC recipe the same The best spaghetti bolognese recipe (with video) | Good Food. And my sisters absolutely love my homemade granola with yoghurt and berries and would be very disappointed if it wasn't served when we holiday together!

But the main points are that people going on holiday together should always discuss and plan food together in advance, even if only to agree that they will cater separately. And the OP's relatives are very very rude!

When did I say I eat junk? I eat well cooked meals and provide the same for my guests

I am not looking down on anyone but stating my opinion to the aibu

Id have struggled with breakfast - as im a fussy bugger who won't eat yoghurt or porridge. Id have eaten some fruit and bought bread for the other mornings.

Your evening meals sound great.

I agree about the size tbh.
I've got a 750g pack of mince for lasagne tomorrow which will be for 4 adults and 2 kids. There will be leftovers. For the 4 of us (2 adults, 2 kids), I'd use a 500g pack (plus bacon) and there is usually leftovers.

I did pasta yesterday, which was 480g for the 4 of us, and there was enough leftover food lunch for 2 adults today and some snacking in between. One of my children does eat like a sparrow though.

I don't understand why they op wouldn't discuss meal planning in advance though. Not everyone eats seafood so paella is quite a brave dish to cook without discussing it.

What are your well cooked meals?

What is not well cooked about a spaghetti bol on holiday.

OP nothing wrong with your meals. We holiday abroad every year to a family home and out breakfasts consists of muesli fruit greek yoghurt. Occasionally crossiants for the beach. There is leeway rest of the day day for ice creams, fizzy drinks, meal out. I cook a spaghetti bol once a week there too. Even at our all inclusive in May this year our breakfasts were the same.

Just got rude ungrateful family i am afraid

The spag Bol serving size is much smaller than we would prepare and eat at home, also when hosting and especially when on holiday we tend to offer more (although in my mind spag Bol is not holiday food and I don’t know why 😂).
Food/meals etc should really have been discussed beforehand, I wouldn’t want someone deciding on meals for me on holiday - they would have had to have fed themselves at home so they should be spending the money now on nice food they want to eat, contributing to the holiday in some way.
Was it said to them before you left that you would be cooking and/or all meals? With further information so they could decide whether they would join in or make something separately? The whole set up is quite confusing!

Anyway, you’ve done a nice thing but they should really have declined your invite if they don’t have any spare cash at all.
if perhaps they were planning on spending the next week running down their freezer and eating a random assortment from their cupboards until payday or whatever then maybe they just really don’t have any extra money. But then it would take more than a free holiday for me to go somewhere totally empty handed, if I knew I could contribute absolutely nothing then I’d have thanked you and stayed at home.

600g of mince for 7 people is not enough in my opinion but there are separate issues here:

1. On a holiday like this where food is cooked and shared it’s usual to discuss expectations and what people like - if I invited people on holiday with me and was covering the costs I would ask what they like for breakfast and other foods in general.
2. Regardless of how they feel about the food their rudeness is inexcusable.
3. If money is so tight that your sister can’t go to the shop you shouldn’t have invited her if you aren’t covering all the costs. Adding monetary stress to a supposed holiday just puts everyone on edge.

Your sister and her family sound like they have a different lifestyle to you and if that’s the case, a holiday like this where you are sharing all meals would always be fraught.

First off, they're obviously rude and ungrateful. But, I really don't understand how this has blown up on holiday.

They’re your family, haven't they been round to yours to eat before? How do they not know the sorts of meals you typically cook and have a vague idea of the portion size you dish up?
When you invited them, how was their no discussion about foid/cooking. It's fine that they don't like the same food as you, it's fine for them to have different preferences and eat larger portions. But I'm assuming they wouldn't have been in the dark on this. How did they not express that and suggest that the two families would keep cooking separate to cater to your different rates? Or they'd bring the snacks and extra sides to contribute?

Your food choices sound fine, but wouldn't all be to my preference in a holiday situation, and your portions would be on the low side for my family (we're healthy weights before you ask) But I think one adult could talk to another about this without hurting anyone's feelings. Families all have a different idea of what is normal. The way they've handled it is just rude. Maybe you've handled it poorly too. Do you think what you do in your family is "correct"? Are they responding to your implicit judgement of their food choices? Do you think you're better than them? Do they think you think that, even if it's not true ? They probably have a chip on their shoulder anyway since there's a wealth disparity. Not saying that's right, but it's a human thing to feel jealous. And maybe they're pushing back with rudeness at their perceived version of you lording it over them with your charitable holiday offer and "good" food choices

Your food sounds great, 75g of pasta in a meat and vegetable sauce is a completely normal portion with garlic bread. I wouldn't be making them anything else. And if they want a bit of Victoria sponge they can go and buy their own from Tesco 😊

and since people keep feeling the need to let everyone know they're Normal and Not Fat and eat Much More Pasta, I'm a big fatty and 75g per person is what I weigh out every time.

Pardon the pun but this thread has turned into a bun fight!
I'm Team OP!

Bit rich of you (unlike your fatty bolognese) to accuse others of making stuff up when you have repeatedly derailed the entire thread by fabricating some imaginary watery bolognese. If you don't know how to correctly cook a bolognese without making watery when including vegetables then just say that, no need to accuse others of substandard cooking just because yours isn't up to scratch.

If anyone spoke to me that way they’d be wearing their bloody dinner.

Your sister is experiencing a classic case of fuck around and find out. She could have called out her kids (and husband’s!) shitty behaviour earlier. She or her rude twat husband could have bought their own bloody cereal if they were that fussy. She didn’t. Now they’re reaping the consequences and it’s apparently costing them.

I would want a sincere apology from all of them before I cooked so much as an egg for them again.

Hi @Hydranga

I'm currently on WLIs, so i have a very small appetite and get full very quickly.

I just googled 75g of spaghetti, and Google described it s a small portion, and i agree. That would not be enough for me for a meal, unless there was a lot of salad to accompany.

Everything else sounds fine and delicious.
And the rudeness when you've done them such a huge favour is awful.

Do you usually get on with your BIL?

And your DH has been an arse too.

I'd be furious in your shoes.
Would a frank chat with DSis help?

This is what Google said...

4 sites

I cannot show images directly, but 75g of cooked spaghetti is about one small side portion or half of a standard cup. It fills a small spot on a plate, weighing much less than a dry portion because cooked pasta absorbs water.

What 75g of Cooked Spaghetti Looks Like
Portion size: About one small handful or half a cup.
Plate coverage: Covers a small area in the center of a normal dinner plate.
Weight note: Dry pasta doubles or triples in weight once you boil it in water.

Comparison to Dry Pasta
Dry weight: 75g of dry spaghetti makes about 160g to 180g of cooked spaghetti.
Cooked weight: 75g of already cooked spaghetti means you started with only about 25g to 30g of dry pasta.
If you want, tell me if you are counting calories or planning a meal, and I can help you figure out the right portion size.
AI responses may include mistakes. Learn more

Here is what a small portion of cooked spaghetti looks like on a plate:

As you can see, a 75g portion of
cooked spaghetti
is quite compact:
Size: It forms a tight, small mound about the size of a fist or half a cup.
Visual Impression: On a standard large dinner plate, this healthy, calorie-conscious serving will look relatively small and leave a lot of empty space around the edges.
Would you like some ideas on how to add low-calorie vegetables to this portion to make the plate look fuller?
AI responses may include mistakes. Learn more

Here is exactly what a small, healthy portion of
cooked spaghetti
looks like:

Visual Guide to 75 Grams Cooked

The Kitchen Scale: When weighed out exactly to 2.0 ounces (around 75 grams) on a food scale, the cooked noodles create a very loose pile that barely fills the bottom center of a small bowl.
Plate Coverage: Once placed on a standard dinner plate, it forms a small mound roughly the size of a single tight fist or half of a measuring cup.
The Reality Check: If you add sauce or protein, it might look slightly larger, but plain cooked noodles at this weight are a much smaller serving than what most restaurants provide

They sound like utterly vile, rude pigs. Their teen has obviously learned this gauche behaviour from their parents. Anyone defending them on this thread must be similarly gross.

@RatherTardy the op very clearly says 75g of dried pasta - so the 160-180g of cooked pasta you mention.
It is a very standard portion size - indeed what us usually recommended on the side of a packet.

It's a normal portion.

They are unbelievably rude. Bur if I’m honest I can’t imagine sitting weighing out 75g per person of pasta on holiday, yes it’s a recommended portion size but cook enough that people can eat their fill

It is, but pasta is cheap she could cook some more, if it doesn’t get eaten she can make a pasta salad with it.

it does sound like very controlled portions.

Your portion sizes aren’t too small. 75g of dried pasta is the recommended amount for an adult. I think it weighs more like 125g when cooked so maybe the pp is getting confused and has 150g when cooked?

Anyway, that’s really not the point. They are being insufferably rude. I can understand the teenagers having an attitude but your bil should know better! Honestly who raised him with manners like that! The ‘there’s the catch comment’ would have really grated on me. He’s deflecting his rudeness by trying to make out you were expecting something all along. I don’t think I’d cook for them until I’d received a whole hearted apology.