To find rich friend’s problems a yawn

[Doubleblazed]

Friend moaning to me that recent house purchase for 3 million means they can’t afford to renovate for a few years.

All I can think is, well why didn’t buy one for 2.5 and then have funds to renovate? I also struggled not to point out how most people could only dream of spending that much on a house, but don’t want to be sour grapes.

i know that circumstances are all relative. AIBU to struggle to muster empathy for my friend in this situation?

A real friend would emphasise no matter what the financial disparity was, surely?
Are you a wee bit jealous?

Maybe the house really was perfect for her in terms of location and everything she wanted, but she’s feeling genuinely frustrated now that she doesn’t have the money to renovate it.

Or she might have been trying to express humility. Something like, “I managed to buy the house but renovating it is another story.”

Maybe you should check it with your emotions here to better understand your reaction.

Of course not ! Flaunting wealth isn’t a pleasant thing to do. It’s basically showing a lack of respect and empathy for you / other people and then expecting you to have empathy for her

@Doubleblazed it is boring yes, I would have said what you say here - why didn't you buy for 2M then and have 1M left, she's clueless to be wittering on like this to you.

Of course I would love to be in her position, but don’t wish her not to be, if that makes sense.

I just think that surely with that level of income, it seems crass to be complaining about not having more?

The crass bit was telling you what her house cost.

I expect she was trying to show humility too. Acknowledging extravagant house purchase but stating they have stretched themselves.

Are you only allowed to vent to friends if they have less problems than you? Not how it works in my world.

Your point that she could have bought a cheaper house and therefore this gap to save up is a choice, is a reasonable one to make to a good friend.

I have very wealthy friends, certainly much wealthier than me, I listen to them and don’t judge them for having more financially than me.
Calling her crass suggests you may want to consider your friendship with her, rather than calling her out on here.
What do you actually expect to achieve?

I agree. It's all comparative. I used to live in a tiny house, but now live in a slightly bigger one. I am very careful with friends who live in tiny houses that I don't complain about problems they would like to have. Eg "Oh, it's so expensive furnishing a bigger house!" True, but massively insensitive.

We can be good friends with someone without having to indulge all their unreasonable complaints so I think some of the comments are being unfair. If this was one of my friends I would be playing a tiny violin for them.

It's a bit tone deaf of her I suppose. Though she may not really realise as it's easy when you're income rises to get used to it being your "normal" and you still have worries, but they are different ones.

It is a bit "oh no my diamond shoes are too tight". I can remember my wealthy PIL after the Northern Rock thing moaning about the hassle of having to open extra bank accounts because balances over 80k weren't protected. I rolled my eyes at that but then reminded myself that they were struggling with health problems and one of their adult children had died age 40, so having money really doesn’t mean you must be blissfully happy.

Plus she may be trying to humble herself to you a bit rather than showing off.

YANBU. I found it hard to sympathise with my friend who bought a massive house (only affordable because of a 6-figure gift from a parent), then moaned about having to spend 'so much money' modernising it when the aforementioned parent was paying for most of the renovations anyway.

Thank you!

Do you always only feel 100% positive thoughts about your friends? It’s a jump to go from “this annoys me” to “you don’t like her and she’s not your friend.”

I’d also be thinking to myself this is such a first world problem and I think I’d have to change the subject.

It’s not really the “rich person problems” element. It’s the complaint about a choice she directly made presumably quite reasonably. It’s a bit like buying a Ferrari and moaning that the insurance is expensive.

I agree, same as people describing how skint they are and send their three DC to private school.

I hope she doesn't come on here and read this OP. You could have just had an honest conversation with her if you are such good friends? She isn't flaunting wealth either, she's telling you that although they've bought an expensive house, she's frustrated she doesn't have the money to renovate straight away. She's allowed to feel like that. She might have other things going on that you don't know about because she'll tell you and you'll come on here to blab!

It’s a bit of a ‘my diamond shoes are too tight’ scenario though isn’t it? I am a caring friend but I’d feel a bit hard pushed to feel genuine sympathy. That’s not jealousy, I’ve never seen a £3million house I’d want to live in, they're too big and uncosy for my taste.

Agree. I’m fortunate enough to be one of those rich friends - I think it’s vulgar, insensitive and crass to bewail money issues [or rather dilemmas] with friends you know have less and are struggling to work out, for instance, how to help DC at uni, find money for carers for their parents, or who are worried about job security.

Save that chat for your life partner or to bounce off friends in similar shoes if you are looking for suggestions and work arounds.

I know plenty of well off friends who moan constantly about money and how much the government wants to take off them. I agree it’s dull and crass.

Jealousy is never a good look,

But then it's not a friendship really if you can't be honest. I don't get the feeling here that the friend was flaunting, just having a chat. OP is of course entitled to her reaction but I think it's even worse putting it on here where her friend could easily read it.