Mum’s friend called me to lecture me, shame me and tell me off? And telling me what to do?

[Meganandbaby]

to think my mum’s acquaintance seriously overstepped boundaries?

This woman is not a close friend of my mums. She is someone my mom sees for coffee couple times a year and/or chats to on phone once every 5 months. (or more like she talks for hours while my mum listens and never lets mum get a word in)

I saw this woman maybe 6 times in my life.

This is a family matter. About health/medical decisions/finances. a decision was made.

She overheard this topic from my brother who was on the phone, and twice I saw her asked me questions, have we considered X? and said you know if we made different decision and did X then we’d have X. saying it would be better for us.

As if kindly offering advice/suggestion.

I know I should have told her its private, but I just didn’t say anything/replied something vague like “we have other plans”, “we are not planning to do that” and changed topic. hoping she’ll get the hint I don’t want to discuss this.

(I later found out she bothered other relatives including my mum more often about this too)

plus she’s older, i thought she meant well and I didn’t want to be rude.

One night I saw her she began nodding her head disapprovingly. Then says “nope, nope, nope. You know what, it’s none of my business” and walked out the door. Before I had a chance to say anything.

then, she suddenly calls on video chat out of nowhere and begins telling me off and shaming me, as if i am her 5 year old child.

I honestly felt like a toddler being told off.

using these sentences:

“You refuse to listen to me!” (wtf!)

”why do I waste my time with you, you refuse to listen anyway”

“Look at you, living like this!”

“You like living like this don’t you!”

“I told you already, do this!”

“Your poor mother”!

”I keep telling you and you refuse to listen!”

”have you no shame!”

She then began telling me what I should do with my money/savings.

“I told you already, Get rid of them!” “Move them there”

Pointing finger at me.

I was just so shocked I didn’t say a word, her face freaked me out too. She’s always overly sweet smiling with overtly sweet voice when I see her

but her face and voice was all angry and aggressive.

literally no exaggeration like pic posted.

I froze up and listened to her rant at me for like 5 minutes, then said I have to go. Now I’m just sitting here confused

I know it’s my fault for not telling her it’s private business before, but surely that’s something you don’t call someone who is not even a close friend and tell them what to do and tell them off?

I’m also confused why she’s so invested in this

I don't get your logic

I wonder if she might have a UTI. In elderly patients it can bring about a complete personality change - it sounds very like that?

So this woman is an eavesdropper too!

Whatever the reason for her unwanted intervention, it's unacceptable. YWNBU to make that abundantly clear. Let your DM know you have been harrassed by this obnoxious woman and don't want to have to be in her presence again.

I would have told her, "Kindly stop snarling and baring your teeth like that, and go and have a shave."

Just leave her a message saying if she ever contacts you again or shouts at you in that manner you’ll file a harassment report to the police.

Did she really get all those sentences in the conversation?
After the first one or even the second most people would tell her to stop it or hung up. I can't fathom a phone call that one person could get all that in whilst the other just took it all....

Why are you even entertaining this shit? You should have shut her down at the 1st interference with a polite version of ‘we got this thanks - we don’t need any input’ followed by ‘butt out - it’s none of your business’ if she didn’t get the message. Anything since is on you - block her! Ignore her! Why on earth did you accept her video call & sit & listen to her????

@PollyBell This crazy bat isn’t ringing the brother up to shout at… she’s ringing OP.

I've voted you're BU just for posting those bloody stupid pictures

If DB was the person she eavesdropped on, perhaps he does need to be the one to tell her to neb out. (I don't see what his being male has to do with it, really, but he is the one with a good solid reason to be angry with this woman.) And OP does say "She overheard this topic from my brother who was on the phone," in the first post.

I feel sorry for your mum, who seems to be an innocent party in all this: she didn't blab to her acquaintance, and is now being blamed on here for that person's bad behaviour as if she'd caused it. I hope nobody who knows them both is doing that.

Sometimes you need to.

Although for situations like this, a simple "i dont care what you think" would probably work just as well.

Just send her a message to leave you the fuck alone and if she doesn’t you will report her to the police for harassment!

If this is very out of character id be worried something is wrong medically.

Has your mum not phoned her to check why she was behaving like that?

If this is true, and she was making faces like the picture you have posted….well, that is very, very strange and sounds like there may be something wrong with her.

However, the fact that you are so cagey about this “family decision” which has apparantly upset your mum suggests that actually you are doing something that is possibly a bit nefarious.

I doubt this “family decision” could he particularly outing, so the fact you refuse to say what it is rings alarm bells for me.

I’m wondering if you are asking your mum to do equity release on her house to give you money or something along those lines, which you know would raise eyebrows.

Where does OP suggest that the family decision has upset her mum? I have just gone through every post the OP has put up, and it is clear that her mother was not upset by the family decision which she herself was involved in making. The woman has invented that, and the only suggestion of it at all is that she said "your poor mother!" while berating the OP.

05/08/2026 19:05
"(I later found out she bothered other relatives including my mum more often about this too)"
05/08/2026 20:04
"It was a family decision we made as family, including my mum and dad."
05/08/2026 20:21
"I feel like if there was a glaring issue that’s upsetting my mum, my mum could speak to me herself. (And she does always tell me when she’s unhappy). Not have some random woman speak for her.
"It was a decision we made including my mum and my mum did tell her did when she asked “we have no plans to do that” so it’s definitely not that.
"i actually just spoke to my mum and my mum is very confused what that woman is on about"
05/08/2026 20:24
"Yes I spoke to my mum.
"shes very confused too.
"She said she would always tell her when the friend made suggestions/advice
“we are not planning to do that”"

Seems clear to me that OP and her mum are agreed and there is no conflict between them.

I also find it crazy she thinks she can lecture someone when my mum says she always complains her son is a deadbeat who didn’t pay child support to his son and doesnt see his kid and her one grandson takes drugs, cheated on his gf and refuses to work.

I can’t imagine my mum calling her son and grandson and lecturing them

it was a decision made including my mother. We all agreed.

that’s what’s so bizarre

Holy Sh*t !
That is awful.
Neither of them apologised to you !!
Your Mum has slandered you.
If ever she contacts you again remind her of it.
What kind of woman puts a paedophile before her children and grandchildren. 😢

Also even if my mum was upset (which she is not).

Surely she can speak to me and not have some random woman she sees like couple times a year speak for her? Why does she feel the need to speak for my mother as if my mother can’t speak for herself? Surely it’s still none of her business?

this woman is upset and always complains to my mum her grandson takes drugs, asks her for money, doesn’t work, cheats on his partner and her son is deadbeat who refused to pay child support and she had to give her last life savings to his baby’s mother as she was struggling.

all eyebrow raising but I can’t imagine my mum calling them, inserting herself in their lives and telling them off. And using such shaming language

Anyway my mum ended up blocking her. She has no idea what this woman is on about

So your mum barely sees her, only a couple of times a year, so isnt that close but somehow this woman is close enough to over hear a conversation by your brother on a phone (whose phone/where/how)

Then you meeting up with her initially

And then she is phoning you on video call

How come?

How do you know her then, why are you meeting up with her, why is she seemingly in your life so much?

If you go to one of the OP's posts and click on "see all" at the bottom of it, you will be able to read the answers to all these questions in replies the OP has already posted since Wednesday evening when the thread was opened.

My money is on she was drunk...!?

She doesnt say how she is meeting up with her, thats after the phone calln being overheard.

Sigh. Not "meeting up with her", on the whole; One night I saw her she began nodding her head disapprovingly. Then says “nope, nope, nope. You know what, it’s none of my business” and walked out the door. Before I had a chance to say anything.

What you might call fleeting, as meetings go. Might have been at mum's house (she had not presumably gone completely batshit at that point and caused mum to stop having her round) for example; not likely to have been OP's house because why would OP invite someone she has seen about six times in her life, has never liked, and who has been a pita the previous twice they have come across each other, to come and have a jolly evening with her?

My mums house. Not literally meet up her, more like seen her. Few times made polite small talk. At my mums house.

four times at my mums house over years, once when I did her a quick favour on video call and once when I was picking my mum up from coffee shop they were having coffee at