Mum’s friend called me to lecture me, shame me and tell me off? And telling me what to do?

[Meganandbaby]

to think my mum’s acquaintance seriously overstepped boundaries?

This woman is not a close friend of my mums. She is someone my mom sees for coffee couple times a year and/or chats to on phone once every 5 months. (or more like she talks for hours while my mum listens and never lets mum get a word in)

I saw this woman maybe 6 times in my life.

This is a family matter. About health/medical decisions/finances. a decision was made.

She overheard this topic from my brother who was on the phone, and twice I saw her asked me questions, have we considered X? and said you know if we made different decision and did X then we’d have X. saying it would be better for us.

As if kindly offering advice/suggestion.

I know I should have told her its private, but I just didn’t say anything/replied something vague like “we have other plans”, “we are not planning to do that” and changed topic. hoping she’ll get the hint I don’t want to discuss this.

(I later found out she bothered other relatives including my mum more often about this too)

plus she’s older, i thought she meant well and I didn’t want to be rude.

One night I saw her she began nodding her head disapprovingly. Then says “nope, nope, nope. You know what, it’s none of my business” and walked out the door. Before I had a chance to say anything.

then, she suddenly calls on video chat out of nowhere and begins telling me off and shaming me, as if i am her 5 year old child.

I honestly felt like a toddler being told off.

using these sentences:

“You refuse to listen to me!” (wtf!)

”why do I waste my time with you, you refuse to listen anyway”

“Look at you, living like this!”

“You like living like this don’t you!”

“I told you already, do this!”

“Your poor mother”!

”I keep telling you and you refuse to listen!”

”have you no shame!”

She then began telling me what I should do with my money/savings.

“I told you already, Get rid of them!” “Move them there”

Pointing finger at me.

I was just so shocked I didn’t say a word, her face freaked me out too. She’s always overly sweet smiling with overtly sweet voice when I see her

but her face and voice was all angry and aggressive.

literally no exaggeration like pic posted.

I froze up and listened to her rant at me for like 5 minutes, then said I have to go. Now I’m just sitting here confused

I know it’s my fault for not telling her it’s private business before, but surely that’s something you don’t call someone who is not even a close friend and tell them what to do and tell them off?

I’m also confused why she’s so invested in this

Why are you even entertaining this woman?

To be honest, this is something I’m trying to teach my 17yr old DS as he’s terribly polite and struggles to react when dealing with rude and obnoxious people. I keep reminding him that he doesn’t owe rude people any of his time and attention.

Practise saying “fuck off Janice, it’s got nothing to do with you” in the mirror several times a day. Then next time she phones, you can repeat the phrase, disconnect the call and block her. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sounds like she is going mad to me. She shouldn't have spoken to you like that don't have anything to do with her in future. Wondering what your Mum thinks about her behaviour

At the risk of sounding incredibly common, does nobody tell anyone to just fuck off any more?
Like a short, sharp "oh Maureen luv this has nothing to do with you, now fuck off will ya"
or if the F word isn't your thing replace it with sod.

Does she have family herself? Because if concerns about people need to be raised, I would suggest that it is you raising it to her family as she is clearly not ok.

My mum's friend recently rang my mum, had a go about me & told her she was generous to allow me and my fiancée to share a bed when we visit. I am still gobsmacked at the cheeky cow but it's by far not the most intrusive shite she's come out with. For context we are nearly 40 & 50!!!
This woman sounds like a massive busybody and drama llama. Block!!
Always that one interfering bint knocking about 😵‍💫

This!!!

So block her phone number on your phone and whatsapp...

How will you be sure you won’t see her again? Your mum or you need to have a strong word with her warning her off and telling her not to interfere.

A friend of my parents cornered me at my dad’s birthday party, ushered me away from everyone else and informed me that I needed to start accompanying my father to all his medical appointments because clearly he wasn’t advocating for himself, something she’d deduced from the fact that my dad’s symptoms seemed different from those of her neighbour, who had the same disease. I was gobsmacked because

a) my dad was an extremely clever and well-read man who was also very confident dealing with authority and was entirely and demonstrably able to advocate for himself; he wasn’t suffering from any cognitive decline
b) my mum went all his appointments with him
c) I have two older siblings including one who literally lived in the same house as them, while I live 200 miles away, but apparently it had to be me specifically who took on this burden because she deemed me the cleverest for some reason
d) my dad’s disease was one that can present with loads of different symptoms and can look very different in different people
e) she had no idea what stage her neighbour was at in comparison to my dad
f) my dad’s treatment was excellent and he had access to a renowned consultant and specialist nurses

This was a woman I’ve met maybe four times and who probably saw my parents maybe three times a year. Astonishing level of overstepping, although not done with the weird level of aggression you had from yours, OP!

Your mother has offloaded onto her, told her personal information about your finances etc. I say your mother because she speaks to her, like you mentioned in your post.

Have a word with your mother and tell her to keep all personal information about you private and confidential because vinegar tits has gone and rollocked you over it and its absalutely none of her buisness, and is extremly rude as she has caused offence.

This woman has involved herself in your personal buisness and remember, there is a reason why finances are extremly confidential. She no right what so ever to dictate to you what you should do with your finances.

Unless you speak to her yourself, in a direct and extremly assertive tone of voice, this stupid woman may continue to meddle in your buisness.

I was more than shocked when I read your post OP, it is a horrendous thing you have been through because it is an emotional assault.

You need to be also dealing with your mother who should have also had the decency not to fire her mouth off, though she may not have been aware her friend was going to start interfering.

Do not stand for that, assert yourself, regardless of the circumstances and you have an absalute right to privacy.

I’d be very tempted to tell the interfering old hag to mind her own bloody business.

Yes I think the mother here is partly to blame by telling this woman more than she needs to know and maybe worrying more about it but then blabbing too about it to this woman.

YANBU.

I would speak with your mum and other family members, to warn them/find out if she's also hassling them, and ask your mother to tell her to never contact you again.

If a friend of mine did this to my DC I would want to know and I'd be furious with them.

Apart from that, just ignore it. Document what she's done incase she really is unhinged and escalates, but otherwise just block her and turn away from/shut her down before she can speak if you ever see her out and about.

My first thought when I read your OP was "was the woman drunk?"

Block her and have a word with your mother about sharing personal information that involves you with other people.

Why has she got your number if you barely know her?

Meganandbaby · Today 19:21
I did a favour/helped her out with something once. My mum asked me too. Guess she had my number saved.

You ring her back and tell her to fuck off and mind her own business and neither she or her opinion matter to you and you never want to hear from her again. Then you delete and block.

I'd say it's none of your business , so fuck off and don't contact me again.

I’d probably send a terse but polite response along the lines of “this is a private family matter and the decision was made by the whole family. Your input is unwelcome and inappropriate”. I’d wait until it had all died down before I blocked her because I’d want to see any follow up. But if it’s upsetting you then block away. She’s clearly lost control of her senses.

I can understand you being blindsided when she started at you - we really don't expect people to act like this and while we wish we'd say "fuck off Maureen" and hang up, you can be just shocked into doing nothing.

Block her number. If she approaches you again in person put your hand up and say "stop right now Maureen. I don't want anything to do with you" and walk off.

Is there any chance there is something going on medically with her?

"Janice, this is absolutely none of your business and it is a gross impertinence to think you have the right to speak to me in this way. My mother has also made the position clear, so I will be blocking your number as soon as I have sent this message."
OR
"This has nothing to do with you Janice so keep your beak out and fuck off. Blocked."

I think it’s time to get your DB (because she will probably pay more attention to a male) to call her up and set some very clear boundaries. She needs to mind her fucking business, keep her opinions to herself and stop harassing your family.

Um what makes you think she will pay more attention to a male?