AIBU to want Christmas in Thailand with our daughter?

[mangostein]

Our daughter and her husband moved to Singapore about 3 months ago. They aren’t coming back at Christmas because they want to settle in and not come home too soon.

Both DH and I have both parents around, thankfully, but in their 80s and 90s. Both sets go out for their meals at local hotels on Christmas day. We then see them in the evening.

DD has asked it we’d consider meeting them in Thailand for Christmas. To stay at a really nice hotel and have Christmas together. I would be sad to not be at home but think this sounds great. DD2 is also keen. DH has said absolutely not. Christmas is a family time and that means staying in Sussex.

I'd go. It sounds fun.

Doesn't DD1 count as family?

I know some might say that both sets of parents are very old, but it's just a made up date. You could see them just before you go.

I would vote for Thailand. My parents had things that they wanted to do but couldn’t until there parents had passed on because they didn’t want to break traditions. They still never did them after they died. Just do it.

Go!

Does DH usually prioritise his parents over his child?

Not only would I go, I’d be very prepared to leave DH at home to have a hotel lunch with his parents. Life’s too short not to grab the adventure while you can!

Go, a million times go. As PP said DD is priority and see parents before or after.

Definitely go OP and if your DH wants to stay at home in Sussex rather than join you, so be it. You can see your elderly parents before you go and after you get back.

Well those who want to travel go to Thailand, and those who want to stay home, stay home.

Edited to ask how old is DD2?

Can you do Christmas with the parents and then go straight after? That’s what we’re doing - boxing day eve flight. Yes it’s not Christmas Day with your daughter but you can do an honorary Christmas on eg the 28th.

Or go before Christmas if that suits better.

Go! It’s not as if they’re alone and you came do something with them before or after.

I would definitely go! Leave DH behind and just go with DD2 if he refuses.

I would try to see his point of view, you have a set of 4 very elderly parents who are used to seeing yoi
Christmas evening? And it’s been like that many years?

there’s no right or wrong here, at some point it’s literally going to be the last Christmas with each one

If both sets of parents go out for lunch and you only see them in the evening, why not just switch that up and see them a few days early?

We had Christmas in Thailand a few years ago - beautiful weather and beautiful food. It was very different but very wonderful - it would still be all about family.

I'd love to do that, go alone if your DH won't go! And stay for New year, that's bigger than Christmas in Thailand - great celebrations.

Are the elderly parents all likely to see next Christmas? Can DH not stay home alone?

I’d go with dd2.

We can’t spend every Christmas with our parents just incase it’s their last and they go off for their own meals in various hotels anyway.

Not like they are relying on you for their dinner and tbh even then I’d say one year break won’t hurt.

You could still have 10-15 years off but this might be their last Christmas depending on if the younger make it to near 100.

Please go. Your family is you and your kids first, parents and siblings second. That's how it should be, anyway. This is going to be an amazing experience whereas the evening only with your elderly parents can be moved. We have many different splits in our family over the generations and so we are lucky enough to create special Christmas moments over about 3 weeks in December. It doesn't take away from anything or anyone, it makes the most of being together when we can. What do your parents even think of the idea? Surely they would encourage you to be with your kids? If they happily go to a local hotel for christmas day itself then its not like you are taking away their only human contact in a year!

How would you feel if this turned out to be one of your parents’ last Christmas. Would you regret going?

Is Christmas Day itself a bigger deal to DD1 or your parents?

Depending on your answers to these questions, either book a flight to be there at Xmas, or do as a PP suggested and fly out on Boxing Day.

Well, the trouble with just OP and DD2 going is that it isn’t everyone getting what they want because the DH wants family together (DD1 is the only missing family member).

We’ve had similar scenarios, as has everyone with family scattered around the world. It’s tough, because there’s no single year when everyone gets everything. Also, travel over Xmas is awful.

I would say that this year you should stay out. You’ve just seen DD2 as she’s only just moved away. She’ll be more desperate for a family Xmas next year. Save your money and chips for next year. Meanwhile, work on DH accepting that he can’t have every Xmas in the UK from now on given Xmas is for family and not all his family is in the UK. Or, alternatively, he pays for DD2 and her husband to come back to the UK. Or he drops the whole family-only and accepts that you and you get DD might not be with him.

People are allowed to move abroad, and this is one of the consequences.

I would see parents on Christmas Eve then fly out to Thailand in Christmas Day to spend New Year with my DD

In my family we have 'Family Christmas' either side of Christmas. At times there have been up to 3 'Christmases' in order to see everyone.

Go. Leave him.

Did your DH forget that his child is family too? Don't they come first?

Go with or without him OP. I've had Christmas in Thailand before you'll have a wonderful time - although a hot Christmas is a bit weird!

In that case she might as well spend Christmas day with them and fly out Boxing day. Who wants to be on a plane on Christmas day?

I wouldn’t go to Thailand. Not if you paid me to.
Why don’t they want to invite you to Singapore where they live ? I’d go there.

I’d go out for a lovely meal a few days before with the parentals and exchange presents then fly off into the sunset for an amazing Christmas in Thailand with DD.