To think it isn’t surprising that I haven’t had a night alone in my home since 2002?

[WoIsMe]

DH is taking our four DCs to visit his DM for a week next week. I’m really looking forward to it since the last time I spent a night alone at home was when he went on a work trip in 2002. He has never taken the DCs away in all that time. Every time I mention this to someone they remark, that can’t be true. But why not? Surely it’s normal to have your children at home with you every night?

So AIBU to think it’s not surprising to have never had a night alone at home since having DS1?

My dad has never had his own bedroom even.

He went from home (shared bedroom with his brother) to getting married (shared bedroom).

I don't mind a day alone..but couldn't do a night alone, all those memories from horror movies I watched back in the day start flooding back lol.

I think a night AT home completely alone is probably much rarer than a night along AWAY from home. normally the person at home still has the kids or the partner there.
I am trying to think, both me and DH have been away either separately or together and we have had times at home alone together when the kids have been elsewhere but probably only a handful of times I have been at home and DH and all the kids have been away.

I suppose that there's lot of people like this.
I'm curious now: what percentage of people of adult age in the UK have never lived alone I wonder.
Going to have to look it up.
I must say I didn't particularly like it. My bf of the time had to climb in through the window to rescue me once as I used to lock my bedroom door!

I don't include halls of residence. You're not really alone in those.

This is nearly true of me!

I shared a room at my parent's house. Then I lived in halls but only for about 4 weeks before I moved in with a boyfriend.

I love DH and DS but I do have a slightly guilty fantasy of having my own minimalist and extremely quiet flat.

I’m sure I’ll be checking under the bed before I go to sleep!

Admittedly I only have two kids but sometimes they both have sleepovers or school trips! DH usually still there though!

It depends on location, occupation and age.
I appreciate that youngish people of today may not be able to afford it.
It might be a privilege today, not so much in the past, though.
It's no fun to be honest.
Quite scary in a way at night.
I didn't bother to cook half the time. Work, baked potato, TV, bed.
Going out a few times a week or with then bf at weekend.

I ended up living alone by accident not design. I wouldn't have chosen it.

It is true that most people don't actually live alone until divorced/widowed/children left home.

Though even of women of my own age, I can't think of anybody else who lived totally alone in their early to mid twenties.
I'm a freak. 😁

Even when I was coming of age 20 years ago in a relatively affordable area of the country I can’t think of anyone I knew who lived on their own in their 20s. People either stayed with parents, moved in with partners or a few of my friends rented flats/houses together. My now husband used to day dream of moving out of his mum’s, I can remember him now writing up lists of all the things he’d need to buy for his own flat, but he he couldn’t afford to move out until we decided to move in together. Thinking of my parents and aunts/uncles, all of them went from parents to partners except my mum who rented a flat with a friend (with a communal bathroom 😱)

I didn't choose to live alone. I was the last person left in a big old house post the 3-year course for a professional vocation we were on and the landlords were in no particular hurry to ask me to leave.
I'd secured a job very locally.
Everybody else left the area.

Indeed, they sold the house after I left. Perhaps they thought just leave her there for now as a sort of housesitter.
Maybe I was there as a result of property market or something.

It was a combination of circumstances, not privilege.
This was about 30 years ago.
They did eventually ask me to go but gave me three months notice.

I didn't like living alone and I didn't view it as a particular privilege especially as the house was basically quite run down.
There was no washing machine, no shower.
I can still see the plastic washing jug we used to wash our hair in my mind's eye.

I haven't had a night alone in our house since before the kids and my eldest is 21. They've been away with out us & dp & I have both been away separately without them, but dp & the kids haven't been away together at all.

you literally wrote you don't know how it would work because he couldn't look after them himself.
soetw guess how it would work - he'd have to find another woman to come in and deal with your kids cos it's beneath him.

but it's not that hard to know
DH has never taken the kids away by himself.
No one else has the kids overnight
when DS was poorly in hospital, I slept over with him every night or in hospital accomodation.
ok I'm only on 11 years of counting, but I imagine in the next decade DH Still won't have taken the kids away alone, when twins do yr 6 sleepover DS1 will still be at home as a teen

That’s bonkers. Dh takes the dc away several times a year, a weekend camping here and there or a longer holiday, or to Wales to stay with family. I also take them away. We have a farm and a dog, so time away together is tricky. But I definitely have several nights a year alone and have since they were toddlers. He’s missing out on so much.

I think it’s unusual. Brownie Camp, Year 6 residential, sleepovers, staying at Granny’s are just a few occasions I was home alone.

But are you single? We have all of these but DH is still around!

My children did lots of those things but I have more that one child and a partner, so one child or even all the children being away from home, didn’t mean I was alone.

Yanbu. Haven’t had a night at home without my kids. Why would that be strange? I have young kids, where do people think they go. Except for school trips, they haven’t spent any time away. Our families live a continent away so definitely no holidays there.
I’m a sahm now, my dh travels for work so I can’t see any reason I’ve had to be on my own

Same, my kids have done those too but someone was always home

Honestly that's shocking in 2026 that your husband couldn't/wouldn't look after his own children?? Does sound like 1956 not 2026, pathetic really.

I don't think it's particularly typical to send your kid away to friends without you for weeks.... and the thread isn't about not being away from them, it's being home alone. if you have more than 1 kid it's hard to coordinate everything

how is it bonkers? you say yourself the reason you have time alone is cos it's hard to both go away at the same time cos of the farm. do you imagine most people live on a farm or in lifestyles where they can't holiday together?
there isn't anywhere DH and the kids would want to go where I wouldn't either, and if I want time away from them I can just go out for the day or go see friends or take myself out for dinner etc.
conversely more fun so there ARE places I go with the kids he doesn't want to go, but it only amounts to the odd night and last time I did that, he used that weekend to see friends so he didn't miss time with them twice

When you work, it's not that unusual at all to send the kids to spend a week or more with friends and family in the summer.

Local summer clubs often have very reduced hours, kids get bored, kids need a holiday and you can't take them away for 6 weeks, I don't know anyone who send the kids to kids camps for weeks at a time.

the thread isn't about not being away from them well kids being away FROM YOU are the only way you get to be home alone 😂

It makes sense to manage everything at the same time.

Even sleepovers, better to send them all to their own friends on the same nights, and to have all their friends at the same time too, each in their own bedroom. No one is jealous, no one is bored and no one will sleep much anyway.

It's not a strict rule, but it's usually how it works.

i think f we did a straw poll, you'd come off as more unusial to have friends who can accommodate having your kids for you for a week or so and grandparents who can do the same. don't get me wrong, there's nothing weird or wrong but I think most people get by on a mixture of family / friend daytime child care, annual leave, unpaid leave, paid childcare, work from home, work remotely on holiday but take a grandparent etc.
similarly, it's lovely your friends are flexible enough to have sleepovers organised so all the kids go away on the same night, but the logistics of that with several kids if they have different friendship groups is a lot of good fortune.

and even if all that happened I wouldn't want to send DH away and waste a child free night. obv different if you're a single parent

I don't know anyone who send the kids to kids camps for weeks at a time.

I know plenty. But I don't know anyone who has friends/family who has their kids for a week at a time.