To think it isn’t surprising that I haven’t had a night alone in my home since 2002?

[WoIsMe]

DH is taking our four DCs to visit his DM for a week next week. I’m really looking forward to it since the last time I spent a night alone at home was when he went on a work trip in 2002. He has never taken the DCs away in all that time. Every time I mention this to someone they remark, that can’t be true. But why not? Surely it’s normal to have your children at home with you every night?

So AIBU to think it’s not surprising to have never had a night alone at home since having DS1?

DH and I have a child free weekend coming up! We managed one day lasy year, but then other than that, childfree at home has been very rare.
OTOH DH gets about 6 hours a day home alone most school days!

Yes, various people have plans meaning they are away, but very rare both kids plans line up.

However, by the time they are 24, id hope to be child free more often than not!

Seems normal to me. We tend to do things as a family, including seeing relatives. We have both had the occasional night away alone, but not in the house alone. We live near my DPs, so don't stay overnight, and all go to PILs. My work is more flexible than DH, so there's never really a situation where it would make sense for him to take them alone. I do get regular time in the house alone one day a week during school hours.

We have had nigts at home either as a couple or individually since birth, sure not every week but quite often, grandparents get to spoil and we get time to oursleves

DH is working night shifts again so I get evenings to myself with the TV. Other than that, no child free nights. I have 4 dc too but it doesn't happen. No one will rightly so have all 4. I wouldn't ever expect it.
Glad you enjoyed your first night alone OP😊

What surprises me is how anyone can be absolutely certain about this over a time span of 25 years.
Like not one incident that was not particularly worthy of storing in your long term memory?

I'm not saying you're wrong, though.

I'd have thought that the only way to be certain would be to keep a diary and spend hours reading through them all.

Maybe you've done this and looked?

Am I the only one who thinks this?

I've kept a diary for 35 years.
I could as a matter of fact tell you where I was on a specific evening for 35 years, I would, however have to do hours and hours of reading.

'Where were you on the evening of 3rd July 1992?'

'Hang on, Officer. Let me look...'

I don’t think I have either. There is usually at least 2 of us in and it never seems to fall that everyone is away for the night other than me.

I've never had a night in my own house alone since DS15 was born exH never took them away.

Now I'm a single mum to 3 DC. They live with me full time. Our custody arrangement is exH stays at mine when he has them (rarely) so I've had time away. I've yet to manage the holy grail of all 3 on sleepovers at the same time! The only time I get the house to myself is when they are all at school and I'm usually wfh then.

I hadn’t thought about this before but now that I have, I have realised that I have never had a night alone in my home since my kids were born, nearly 10 years ago. DH did take DS away for a few days a couple of years ago but DD was still with me. I don’t think it’s that unusual?

I don't think it's unusual at all. I've never had a night alone at home on my own since dcs were born, though that was only since 2018. They've been on sleepovers with PILs but that was partly to give me and DH time together, so DH was here too. DH stopped doing overnight work trips once dcs were born too so I wouldn't have to manage the dcs on my own. I'd find it odd if he wanted to take the dcs away on their own. We've always done holidays away as a family and I'd be sad to miss out on being with them and being stuck on my own.

I get time alone in the house while the dcs are at school and DH is at work and I enjoy having the place to myself then.

I don't think it's strange I've never spent a night alone in my house my whole life. I went from home to a flat share to married with kids. I've taken the kids to visit relatives so my DH has had a few nights on his own but I can't imagine how it would work the other way around. DH couldn't look after the kids by himself and I would not have a relaxing time without them.

'giving up' having the house to yourself is part and parcel of having a marriage and family, especially with 4 DCs.

But it sounds like there's a sub-text of resentment or unhappiness here and an expectation that didn't come to fruition.

I’ve never spent a night alone in this house and we’ve lived here since 2000. I used to travel a lot for work so I was away overnight often but DH never did and if we went away it was together or with the DC (who are now grown up and left home). I’ve never even thought about it until now,

Does your DH never take the children to visit family without you? DH will sometimes go and visit his parents overnight and if I'm on call I can't go because it's too far away, we've also had some building work done over the last few years and DH and ds decamped to PILs for a few days at a time during the worst bits as DH was able to work from there but I couldn't. I also travel for work 5/6 times a year so far nights to myself then and so does DH but less often so then I'm home with just ds so once he's in bed I have the evening to myself. Tbh DH is working until 9 tonight and will then go to the gym so won't get home until around 11 by which time I'll be in bed. DS goes to bed at 7 so I'll have the evening to myself, I get this every week

4 children and DH all away at the same time, without you. not surprising. mostly likely people aren't appreciating the "at home" part and are assuming you mean "away from".

either way not big deal and enjoy the peace

Do you not think it's a problem that your 'partner' can't look after his own children?!

Our family lived locally, within 2 miles of us so if DH took them to visit it was for a few hours in the daytime.

Not surprising to me, it's only been 8 years here but our kids have never been away with DH but without me, so I've never been home overnight without them. I've had nights away with friends, as has DH. But yeah the kids are always here, like they live here or something. 😂

I've been stuck in the house for two years due to serious illness. Up until March I had two adult DC at home. I found it stifling.
Last night without DH? Business trip 2022.
I'd love a night on my own.

A night without the children, yes, GPs take the girls for a night or two most school hols. Entirely alone? Don't think so?

Not really, it's pretty normal isn't it? He'd probably be ok for a few hours in the day but not overnight, but it's never come up as I do the childcare. It works for us. I wouldn't want to spend a night on my own without them.

Absolutely not normal or acceptable, a grown man can’t look after his own children for more than a few hours? Maybe socially acceptable in 1950, 2026? Absolutely not. What an awful role model for your children.

Unless one of us is in hospital DH and I would always be together. Never had a separate holiday in over 40 years

It is probably unusual these days if we’re playing a numbers game.

But it’s not “fall off your chair” shocking - it’s easy to see how this could happen.

Hope you enjoy the peace!

How on earth is it normal?

I have never been home alone overnight since I had my first baby in 2010. I would give ANYTHING to be left alone at home for a bit.