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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Furious at ds work dismissal

975 replies

OneGreyBiscuit · 03/08/2026 14:29

This is more has my 19 year old ds employers been unreasonable. He's just been sacked for being unreliable. For context - he accepted a new job about a month ago. He informed them of where he lives which is about a forty minute train journey away. He is a few minutes late everyday because of the trains and they said they were ok with it. He's just come off holiday (which he informed them of) and went back today. He was sent an email before today telling him to get an earlier train so he's on time. Fair enough, so he did and would've continued doing. At 9 he was called into a meeting to tell him his contracts been terminated for unreliability. He was only informed of getting an earlier train from today, so how can they dismiss him like this? If he continued to get the later train and continued being late then I'd understand but they've not even given him a chance. I'm absolutely furious. And to add insult to injury he still had to pay for his waste of time and money train fare this morning.

OP posts:
UnexpectedlyRetired · 03/08/2026 23:40

MonaLisa3847 · 03/08/2026 21:56

And now in his graduate job he stayed late today till 7pm to get some tasks done.

But some companies are just crap and don't appreciate what you do for them, so there is really no point. DH had a job where he'd get the bus in, and usually arrive 10-15 minutes early. Sometimes he'd stay after hours to get things finished.

They had a policy that if you were late, you had to let them know and apologise. One time DH's bus was held up and he got in late (about 2 min). He didn't bother apologising for the 2 min, and probably no-one would have even noticed, but someone who had been on the same bus dobbed him in and he was made to email the whole company apologising. This was a man in his 50s doing a professional job. It was the last time he worked more than his contracted hours.

shhblackbag · 03/08/2026 23:42

Personal responsibility really needs to become a thing again.

Frequency · 03/08/2026 23:51

shhblackbag · 03/08/2026 23:42

Personal responsibility really needs to become a thing again.

If personal responsibility means working for free, like some on here are boasting about, count me out. I'm way too old and jaded for that shit. If you're paying me to work 38 hours, I'm working 38 hours; if you give me 45 hours of work, 7 hours will be left unfinished. If you don't like it, you can pay me for 45 hours.

I'm happy to be flexible; if you need me to stay late because a server is being re-imaged or updated and needs to be done OOH, that's fine; I'll be starting late that day or finishing early on Friday.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 03/08/2026 23:53

Frequency · 03/08/2026 23:51

If personal responsibility means working for free, like some on here are boasting about, count me out. I'm way too old and jaded for that shit. If you're paying me to work 38 hours, I'm working 38 hours; if you give me 45 hours of work, 7 hours will be left unfinished. If you don't like it, you can pay me for 45 hours.

I'm happy to be flexible; if you need me to stay late because a server is being re-imaged or updated and needs to be done OOH, that's fine; I'll be starting late that day or finishing early on Friday.

I think it’s more likely to mean taking responsibility for being fired for being late every day

Longtimelurker1980 · 03/08/2026 23:54

Frequency · 03/08/2026 23:17

Why is everyone ignoring the fact that the DS was told it was OK? I've had loads of jobs where turning up a few minutes late to fit with public transport was fine. Even as a carer, one of the residential complexes was towards the outside of town (still in town); the first bus didn't arrive until 07:09. Start time was 7 am.

No one who didn't drive was expected to be there before 7:11. All of my office jobs were flexible; the one I work now, you can take an hour for lunch, or less, and finish early or more and finish late as long as you work the amount of hours you're contracted to work no one gives a shit what time you arrive or leave.

There is a big difference between someone being physically unable to get to work by X time because there are no buses (in which case presumably individual employees would negotiate their 7.11 start time and employer either agrees or not) and someone unilaterally deciding to not get the right train because they were going to be too early so instead decided to just be late.

i very much suspect the op’s son was not told by his employer that it was fine to be late and was just winging it. Which is borne out by his subsequent dismissal. He will learn a hard lesson but at least he’ll learn it. Op you should be honest with him so he understands what went wrong - if you agree it’s unfair then he’ll learn absolutely nothing and continue to be an unreliable employee.

shhblackbag · 04/08/2026 00:08

ToKittyornottoKitty · 03/08/2026 23:53

I think it’s more likely to mean taking responsibility for being fired for being late every day

Yes. I thought that was obvious. Apparently not.

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 04/08/2026 00:30

OneGreyBiscuit · 03/08/2026 14:55

Um no I didn't actually, ive already put I asked him if he got in on time and that's when he told me they were ok as they knew he was getting the train

I'm not sure your son is telling the truth. My DDs employer knows she gets the bus every day but they still expect her to be on time and yes that often means she is hanging around waiting.
At least when he gets his next job he'll know he needs to be on time I can see why you and your DS are annoyed but I don't think his employer has done anything wrong.

NotMeAtAll · 04/08/2026 01:19

If they were ok with him being a few minutes late, which would be acceptable in some jobs, they can't really use his being late against him. Did they actually tell him it was OK (until it wasn't), or did he just assume they didn't mind because they didn't mention it before?

mumsntt · 04/08/2026 02:28

grow up

Macca1290 · 04/08/2026 05:35

Other posters are right that he has no employment rights but was he advised of the meeting in advance and given the right to be accompanied? any meeting which may result in termination of his employment he has the right to be accompanied to: www.acas.org.uk/probation-periods/reviews

Seajaye · 04/08/2026 05:53

It sounds like he is in an initial probation period as per his contract so the employer has chosen to terminate the contract for his failure to arrive consistently at his contractual start time. He should get a week's notice pay as per his contract. Yes, they could have given him a first and final warning, but they didn't have to. He has learned a valuable lesson about factoring in commuting times.. Hopefully he will be able to find another job soon .

Seajaye · 04/08/2026 06:04

Seajaye · 04/08/2026 05:53

It sounds like he is in an initial probation period as per his contract so the employer has chosen to terminate the contract for his failure to arrive consistently at his contractual start time. He should get a week's notice pay as per his contract. Yes, they could have given him a first and final warning, but they didn't have to. He has learned a valuable lesson about factoring in commuting times.. Hopefully he will be able to find another job soon .

I also wondered if his employer hadn't actually agreed to holiday leave dates . . He can't just inform them he is taking holiday , he needs the dates of absence to have been agreed. Holiday entitlement accrues at a rate of about 1.5 days per month, so maybe he took too much or they hadn't agreed to it. Some new employers to allow genuine pre booked holidays to be taken in advance of accruing entitlement but this needs to be confirmed in writing beforehand..

HoraceCope · 04/08/2026 06:15

i am sorry this happened,
there may be more to this or not
but hopefully he can brush this experience under the carpet

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/08/2026 06:23

mumsntt · 04/08/2026 02:28

grow up

Oh, that classic response. 🙄
👏

Moonnstarz · 04/08/2026 07:12

I think the OP is turning nasty on here to avoid conflict with her son. Clearly something isn't adding up here and she isn't giving any answers to sensible questions.

The frequency of trains and timings would be useful to know for example. If the trains are hourly for example and one got in at 7.57 and the next at 8.57 and he started work at 9, then he would be late every day and I wonder if that is the sort of situation he was in when he said about is it ok if he is late. What he needed to do if this was the case was ask about a later start time (and therefore later finish/work through lunch) to facilitate the hours if this was possible. Several people have pointed out that when they have experience similar then the workplace has agreed it wouldn't be reasonable for them to necessarily be sat around waiting and that they could adapt the hours to accommodate this.

Sounds like maybe the son has trouble clearly communicating - with his mum and his employers.

ImpossibleGermany · 04/08/2026 07:15

I employ several young people all in their late teens to mid 20s. We've had two or three in the past who were constantly late, constantly off sick, always asking to either come in late or go home early for some reason, always making excuses for things. None of those three people are still with us. They were all sacked eventually for unreliability.

I have another three people of roughly the same age who are fantastic. Two out of three of them have long journeys on rural buses that are not that frequent but in the four months they've been there they've never been late once. They get in ridiculously early out of choice because they know that although a later bus would get them there on time in theory, if it was cancelled they'd be very late.

I've never asked them to do this but I hugely appreciate their commitment and work ethic and I will make sure they are rewarded for it. What is interesting is that they are generally much more conscientious and more enthusiastic in all other areas of the job than the previous set of people were, as well. They have a real 'can do' attitude instead of trying to get away with doing as little as possible.

So it's likely that it wasn't just this lad's lateness that was grating on his employer. Perhaps his lateness was a symptom of lacklustre performance in general.

That may not be true and may be an unfair assumption of this lad, but my gut feeling is I'm right. As an employer myself, if I had someone who was generally doing well I'd want to give them a chance to sort out the areas where they were falling short, especially if it was something with an easy solution. If not understanding the need to get an earlier train after less than a month on the job was the only problem, I'd talk to them about it and give them some time to correct it. They are on probation so there would be plenty more time to sack them if necessary.

Badbadbunny · 04/08/2026 07:35

JustAnotherWhinger · 03/08/2026 14:32

You can’t seriously be surprised that they weren’t ok with a new start being late every single day.

He should have been getting the earlier train from day 1.

He shouldn't have needed to be told to get an earlier train to arrive at work on time! YABVU. It's pretty basic that you need to organise yourself to arrive at work before the appointed start time!!

OctopusFriend · 04/08/2026 07:38

Badbadbunny · 04/08/2026 07:35

He shouldn't have needed to be told to get an earlier train to arrive at work on time! YABVU. It's pretty basic that you need to organise yourself to arrive at work before the appointed start time!!

I know, it's so basic. Schools do this with punctuality to prepare them for the future, you'd think it would sink in.

OctopusFriend · 04/08/2026 07:41

Seajaye · 04/08/2026 05:53

It sounds like he is in an initial probation period as per his contract so the employer has chosen to terminate the contract for his failure to arrive consistently at his contractual start time. He should get a week's notice pay as per his contract. Yes, they could have given him a first and final warning, but they didn't have to. He has learned a valuable lesson about factoring in commuting times.. Hopefully he will be able to find another job soon .

Maybe they did. Perhaps he had a verbal warning early on, we don't know.

Imdunfer · 04/08/2026 07:43

Macca1290 · 04/08/2026 05:35

Other posters are right that he has no employment rights but was he advised of the meeting in advance and given the right to be accompanied? any meeting which may result in termination of his employment he has the right to be accompanied to: www.acas.org.uk/probation-periods/reviews

He would have no right to take an unfair dismissal case for procedure not being followed, so it won't make any difference.

(He is due notice though, so the complaint about the train fare spent to go in and be sacked isn't relevant. )

Imdunfer · 04/08/2026 07:45

ImpossibleGermany · 04/08/2026 07:15

I employ several young people all in their late teens to mid 20s. We've had two or three in the past who were constantly late, constantly off sick, always asking to either come in late or go home early for some reason, always making excuses for things. None of those three people are still with us. They were all sacked eventually for unreliability.

I have another three people of roughly the same age who are fantastic. Two out of three of them have long journeys on rural buses that are not that frequent but in the four months they've been there they've never been late once. They get in ridiculously early out of choice because they know that although a later bus would get them there on time in theory, if it was cancelled they'd be very late.

I've never asked them to do this but I hugely appreciate their commitment and work ethic and I will make sure they are rewarded for it. What is interesting is that they are generally much more conscientious and more enthusiastic in all other areas of the job than the previous set of people were, as well. They have a real 'can do' attitude instead of trying to get away with doing as little as possible.

So it's likely that it wasn't just this lad's lateness that was grating on his employer. Perhaps his lateness was a symptom of lacklustre performance in general.

That may not be true and may be an unfair assumption of this lad, but my gut feeling is I'm right. As an employer myself, if I had someone who was generally doing well I'd want to give them a chance to sort out the areas where they were falling short, especially if it was something with an easy solution. If not understanding the need to get an earlier train after less than a month on the job was the only problem, I'd talk to them about it and give them some time to correct it. They are on probation so there would be plenty more time to sack them if necessary.

Exactly.

BlueFahrenheit · 04/08/2026 07:47

Moonnstarz · 04/08/2026 07:12

I think the OP is turning nasty on here to avoid conflict with her son. Clearly something isn't adding up here and she isn't giving any answers to sensible questions.

The frequency of trains and timings would be useful to know for example. If the trains are hourly for example and one got in at 7.57 and the next at 8.57 and he started work at 9, then he would be late every day and I wonder if that is the sort of situation he was in when he said about is it ok if he is late. What he needed to do if this was the case was ask about a later start time (and therefore later finish/work through lunch) to facilitate the hours if this was possible. Several people have pointed out that when they have experience similar then the workplace has agreed it wouldn't be reasonable for them to necessarily be sat around waiting and that they could adapt the hours to accommodate this.

Sounds like maybe the son has trouble clearly communicating - with his mum and his employers.

The OP isn't going to provide this information 😂

Macca1290 · 04/08/2026 07:47

Imdunfer · 04/08/2026 07:43

He would have no right to take an unfair dismissal case for procedure not being followed, so it won't make any difference.

(He is due notice though, so the complaint about the train fare spent to go in and be sacked isn't relevant. )

It won't change the unfair dismissal but they've still (potentially) denied him the statutory right to be accompanied which he could take action against for them, would only get a maximum of 2 weeks compensation but still

BlueFahrenheit · 04/08/2026 07:51

Imagine not using your initiative to catch the earlier train to arrive at work on time.

His employer had a lucky escape. OP's son isn't an asset.

Imdunfer · 04/08/2026 07:52

Macca1290 · 04/08/2026 07:47

It won't change the unfair dismissal but they've still (potentially) denied him the statutory right to be accompanied which he could take action against for them, would only get a maximum of 2 weeks compensation but still

He can't take action, he does not have long enough service and they were entitled to dismiss him. Incorrect procedure cannot be taken to a tribunal with only one month service if the sacking was legal.

He could only do it as a civil case against them.

Obviously he isn't in a position to pay for that and nobody would take it on as no win no fee because it was legal for him to be sacked, just not quite in the way they did it, and he has therefore lost nothing which he can claim for.

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