AIBU should I end a relationship after learning about his lies?

[Snoopy16]

I feel that I am in a difficult position yet again with my relationship. My DP is currently going through some mental health issues. I have been really supportive as we have both had issues in the past.
I have been open about my past health issues.I am starting to feel like there are a few red flags within our relationship that I can’t ignore. We have been together 5 yrs, in the last 12mths he has moved into my house and rented his property out. I felt we had a good future but now I am having doubts .
My DP has admitted in the last week that he has been hospitalised in the past which was a shock. Today he admitted that he has a betting addiction and had not had a military career as he has always said he had. I feel betrayed and feel numb. He is not the man I thought he was. I feel like an old fool.
i took him to speak to a friend today hoping this would help. Am I right in wanting to end the relationship & cut my loses or am I being mean when he is obviously having a bad time with his mental health?

YANBU. Lots of red flags. Get him out of your house asap.

Don’t wait for him to get his place back, he can stay with family or in a hotel.

Those are lies that are too big to overlook in my opinion

I wouldn't say you are a fool. You trusted him as you had no need not to. I'd find out why he lied. I'd find it difficult to trust him after that.
Only you can know if the trust has fully gone from your part. I can understand not admitting the hospital stay but not the military career. The betting addiction would be a big no from me.
Realise it's stereotyping but people with addictive personalities often go from one addiction to another, not necessarily saying drugs etc just can be others so whilst they might stop betting they'll most likely swop that to another addiction.

Yes he's a wrong un anyone who steals valor is a complete evil

You know the answer to this, and deserve better than this liar. Get rid ASAP.

I feel like I have lost all respect for him following the recent revelations. DP glossed over his career and admitted he only completed 13wks not 3yrs. Our relationship has been based upon lies. The betting he was doing until last week. It’s all £5 goes but he must have spent thousands. Am I kicking a man unfairly when he is down? I think I need to protect myself more here. His job situation is now also up in the air too.

Thank you for your comments I appreciate it. I can’t believe I’m in this position again

Leg it. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Kind of different than a betting addiction, but my dad was an alcoholic (recovered now so it’s all good) but he used to lie a lot to cover things up. All addicts lie, and yes they definitely can get better and recover but the fact he’s been lying to you for so long indicates he has not fully recovered.

You’re not a fool or an idiot for taking someone you love a face value! That’s totally normal! Lying about a career is the abnormal thing. Why would you question it? When someone tells me they’re a teacher, I don’t ask to see their PGV - that would be weird. You had no reason to suspect him. You’re not the mug, he is!

If you continue the relationship the future will be based on lies too. You'll never feel comfortable that it's the truth with anything he says ever again. And betting addiction tends to get worse not better unless someone takes positive steps to overcome it.

I don't see it as kicking when he's down, rather as giving yourself a more secure future. That is not how he will see it. He will try to guilt you, turn the emotional screw, plead for another chance. Stay strong.

God knows what else is being concealed atm.

And that's the problem. You can't have a relationship without trust.

This one's had its foundations cut away from it. On top of that theres the financial irresponsibility.

Call time on it, now.

time to end it, make sure he’s not getting loans against your house if he has a gambling habit. There must be some way of checking that but you need him out and not signed up as a resident in your home

As @Gymnopedie says he'll probably turn the emotional screws but he lied to you extensively. Its a terrible basis for a relationship... and a relationship should never be based on emotional blackmail, guilting, mistrust and lies anyway. You're entitled to want to be in an equal and fair partnership with an honest, loving man, and if he says 'you didnt love me enough' the only answer to that is "you didnt respect me enough"

Also imo to kick someone when they’re down is to inflict pain on them and be cruel when they’re in unfortunate circumstances. You dumping him (in my book) wouldn’t be kicking him when he’s down, it would be a consequence for his actions. He lied, getting dumped is a reasonable consequence for that.

He is a liar, big lies too not just little ones like oh yes I took the rubbish out this morning when really it was only done before you walked in the door.

You cannot have a relationship built on lies.

Why will he lie about next / what more lies are still to come out ?!!!

You’re not ‘kicking a man when he’s down’ at all. You’re ending a relationship because it is, essentially, not with the man you thought it was with, because he’s told you a ton of appalling lies.

His mental health isn’t your responsibility. He has lied to you for five years. His problems are of his own making. You don’t have to remain in a relationship he deceived you into simply because he’s unstable.

Be thankful you’re not in too deep and you can get out.

Separate as soon as you can - the man you fell for is non existent and this man you talk about may aswell be a stranger.
He is manipulative and has played a game to meet his own needs.

Well done for having the courage and strength to break up.

I think you need to protect yourself.

He has lied significantly and you have lost respect for him.

You are well within your rights to end this relationship. Just to be sure, once he has gone, I'd change the locks.

Don't complicate your life with this individual. He needs professional help. He will become a millstone around your neck and will drag you down with him.

Goodness me, you're not a fool. You trusted him, why wouldn't you have? None of this is your fault.
You sound like your mind is made up and I don't blame you. He's not the man he said he was and I also wonder about everything else he may have either not told you about or lied about.
As for ending it when he's having a hard time, I'd argue that with a man like this it may never feel like a 'good time'. His mental health is not your responsibility and it sounds too that you've gone above and beyond with that already.

I am a little concerned about how you are going to ask him to leave and would recommend having a friend or family member with you, just to be on the safe side and please change the locks. He's shown he cannot be trusted.

Go easy OP and please, none of this is your fault. You've just shown kindness and he took advantage.

My friends ex husband came out with exactly the same lies everyone was taken in by him

how convenient his mh is poor at the moment

he will always lie. You know who he is now so you have a decision to make stay with a liar or be free of a miserable life of constant suspicion

Some massive lies, those are. Don't bother to find out why - he'd probably lie about that too. Get rid, learn a lesson from this experience, and move on.

A gambling addiction is huge. Kick him out before he drags you down.

Oh that's dreadful

They are not small lies either

Tbh the gambling addiction would have me running for the hills

I don't think there's anything to rescue here, he's fundamentally a different person than the one you thought he is.

Long-term or systematic lying should be an automatic deal-breaker in any relationship.

he has to go. Those aren’t small lies