AIBU to find a month at my parents' home too long? Going nuts!

[Pinkcheetahs]

I feel very ungrateful writing this but I'm going crazy. I'm spending the summer holidays with my lovely parents in their big house abroad (in saying big as in, we all have space and our own bathroom etc)

They've offered to look after DS (7) whilst I'm working (short) hours for two weeks and soon my husband will join for another two weeks, in total we are staying one full month at my parents house. It's my old childhood home where I grew up. Everything is annoying me - old school mates who never moved away and I keep bumping into, the neighbours who have never changed, forced small talk on the street etc. my DS has a lovely time with my parents but the neighbour children obviously have their own friends and are aren't interested (not blaming them of course they're children!)
There has been talk of us moving back there in years to come but I kinda feel like I don't want to be here for too long 😭 how can I make the best of this? Would a full month be too long for you guys as well?? Is it just me? I'm trying to be helpful round the house and treat my parents but I'm feeling so restless

YANBU but why did you plan this?

Have you ever wondered if your parents feel the same way?

God I find a week to much with my parents let alone a month! Could you not go home when your husband’s off work?

I wonder if it is the place or the way your days are panning out. Would you also feel lost if you were at your own home with no structure for a month?

I understand not relating to old friends in the street. That surely would happen to many people who feel like they have moved on to pastures new. You cannot avoid that.

Have you tried organizing day trips out for you and your son (and parents if they want to join you).

Far too long. A day is sometimes too long for me!

every family is differnt though.

can you go home after a week? Spend time with your partner

Yanbu. I can't spend longer than a couple of days with anyone other than my husband and children (and then it's touch and go!). Why is there talk of you moving back there some day? Is that coming from you?

Just pause the conversations about living there at some future point (or respond neutrally - ‘we will see, it’s an option’) and focus on the now. Slow down, let the gps spend time with dd, take yourself for walks out (headphones in), or long baths/swims…
This is a pretty long trip but you’re sounding a little bit stroppy and judgy of how it’s the same, and that’s just winding yourself up for no reason.

No, our flights are going back end of August (it's actually 5 weeks I'm here not 4!)

My parents are absolutely lovely, they are not doing anything wrong, I think it's a me thing. I do still have friends here that I meet up with and it's lovely but maybe because it's quite a small place and I always felt I didnt really fit in and these old feelings are resurfacing now.

That might be a good point actually. I'd only want to move back to support my parents as they get older. My heart would break for my DS as he loves his school in the UK though and we're so happy and settled.

It sounds like you're panicking about moving back. You honestly dont have to. Ever.
That's probably what's making you hate being there so much. You're feeling trapped by booking a whole five/six weeks, and that's making you freaked about the future.
Next time, just book a couple of weeks and reassure yourself you never have to move back there 💐

Can you work from a different workspace in a hotel or library say the wifi is better ? And get coffees before or after to give yourself a break ? Take your son for some days out ?

I did something similar recently and spending extended time there and being there with a critical eye really made me realise I didn’t want to move there, so it was a great thing to do for that reason alone! Now you know you don’t want to move take the pressure off yourself and see the rest of the stay as a holiday and a chance to see family and old friends, then when you go home you can settle back in to your own life knowing that’s where you’re staying long term.

Feels like there's a novel in there. Treat it as research!

i often feel like this when I first arrive somewhere for a short holiday or longer trip; it feels like it’s going to be long and drawn out and I just want to go home. After a few days I usually get into the rhythm of it and enjoy myself. Can you do some holiday-type activities so it’s not just at your parents house the whole time?

I think this is excellent advice and a great post.

Which country?

Thank you so much! That's really interesting. I'm intrigued where you went back to? :)
Yes I'll try to see all th positives (of which there are many!) I think you're right that if I treat it as a holiday that will be better.

I love this, great idea!!

I'm afraid it's outing, but it's Bavaria (beautiful alpine region but very narrow minded people, minus my parents who are really lovely)

YANBU. My limit is a long lunch.

I hear you! We spend around a month with my parents most summers. We live in France, in a region that has extremely hot summers, so we escape this by visiting my parents in the UK for an extended period. Plus my children are their only grandchildren and it’s the only chance to see them as my folks are really too old to travel now. We usually aim to have a mini-break in the middle, but haven’t this year.

My parents are great but… they are 80 now, and really should be making some changes to their home / lifestyle to adapt to declining mobility etc. It’s incredibly frustrating to be here and not be allowed to change anything. My mum is very generous with her house - but it’s very definitely her place, and I get frowned at if I tidy anything too obviously or suggest moving a rug / trip hazard. I’m having to go very slowly and kind of tidy surreptitiously. I usually take on most of the cooking but again I have to battle to overcome my mums dislike of veggies and ‘huge’ salads, and just make them anyway.

And the idea of moving back is interesting. I always thought I’d like to retire here. But seeing how my parents are now struggling to maintain the big garden and house, as well as being totally reliant on the car (very rural) is really giving me second thoughts about it.

Everyone is different and has a different threshold! It's interesting to hear what everyone's opinion.

I can’t cope with more than a day with my parents at their house. I manage better in other locations. Something about their actual house makes me feel extremely stressed and miserable and after a few hours I’m climbing the walls. I think it’s related to feeling like my adult self is stripped away and I’m a child again. It’s actually concerning to me how bad it feels. So - sympathy. Can you just cut your visit short.

I think that there are probably two factors at play. One is that you are in your childhood home and surroundings, a place you chose to leave. There were probably various factors in making that decision but, if you hadn’t wanted to leave, you might have made some different decisions at various points by now and be living back there. The other is that there are quite a few relationship dynamics at play - you are back living with your parents but the parent/child relationship is no longer appropriate plus there’s the fact that you are an extended guest in somewhere you feel should be home but isn’t and they are extended hosts and want to be warm and welcoming (and it sounds as though they are) and will love having you there but it is also quite disruptive for them. It means no one is sure how to behave!

I would also say treat it like a holiday - find a new outdoor pool or lake to go to, do the touristy bits you wouldn’t do as a local, soak up anything you will miss back in the UK.