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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel hurt and upset and not really understand what happened here

14 replies

Lambzig · Today 10:01

I dated someone about four years ago for about six months. We always got on brilliantly and had lots of fun but it was too soon after my marriage had ended for me, I felt he was very enmeshed with his ex-wife still (subsequently he got back with her sort of) and we went our separate ways. We agreed that we would like to be try to be friends after a little while and after a few months had passed he got back in touch asking if I would like to go for lunch.

Since then we have met up around once a month, sometimes longer, go for lunch or a walk and nothing more. Probably text daily on a "what are you up to today" basis. We have talked about how much we value the friendship.

I started seeing someone about 18 months ago. Occasionally he or my friend's ex-wife join us for a walk, but most often it's just him and me. There hasn't been a problem with me seeing someone, or any jealousy like that.

At the weekend I went away and lost my phone for about 48 hours. Luckily it turned up and when I was reunited with it, later that evening, I texted him to say sorry I haven't been around and told him I had lost my phone.

He absolutely blew up at me, told me I was lying and when I explained how it had happened, said that he didnt believe me. He kept saying that he hated being lied to, that he had never known me to lose my phone before (well, yeah). I got a little angry and said that I was not responsible for what he chose to believe, but that I hoped we could talk this through.

He said there was no coming back from this, and has blocked me on everything. He seems to have deleted his WhatsApp account.

I am left completely confused, a bit hurt, but thinking that I have to accept he doesn't want to talk to me. I just don't know what happened and thats driving me crazy.

I am still a little angry, but I am upset. I just have to get over it don't I? And not contact him again.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · Today 10:04

It sounds like he was more invested in this friendship than you realised, maybe he was hoping it would become more but his reaction was really over the top

Don't stay friends with exes, waste of time

Yamyamabroad · Today 10:05

I'm confused, who went mad - the ex from 4 years ago or the current boyfriend? Either way, I would just ignore them and get on with your life without them in it.

Loulou4022 · Today 10:05

Is it the man you dated 4 years ago who’s gone off on one or the man you’re dating now?
Either way it sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet there and I’d leave him be and if he ever contacts you again ignore him or tell him you’re not interested in dating such an immature twat!!

Loulou4022 · Today 10:07

I’d also be a bit concerned about the one who dated you then got back with his wife but continued to ‘see you’ as a friend! He can’t have it all ways!!

anonymoususer9876 · Today 10:09

Yes, I do think it’s time to move on. Texting each other every day is quite full on for a platonic friendship - you don’t owe each other a text if for any reason you can’t. It’s a friendship, not a partnership. Blowing up at you for a lack of a text in 48hrs seems overkill.

SummerNocturnal · Today 10:09

Christ almighty, I'd have literally noone speaking to me in my life. I lose my phone all the time for up to days at a time.
If it has never happened to him then bully for him. I know it feels suss to others when it happens. People I know were rightfully frustrated when mine was out of battery one time and lost another. I don't think they believed me either (or if they did, still thought what a twat).
He has blocked you. He can unblock you if he comes to his senses. Unless you always flakey with no redeeming features then he's just lost a decent friend for no good reason.

CelticSilver · Today 10:09

Let it go, Indy.

Mygardenshedisfallingdown · Today 10:33

Ex for a reason and unless you have kids there isn't often a good reason to stay in touch. He sounds over invested, possibly wanting a potential fwb and has got out of his pram because you aren't ready to drop your knickers again.

OldrNWisr · Today 10:36

Anyone who blows up and calls you a liar if you go offline for any length of time is not someone you want in your life.

Backawayfromthesausage · Today 10:38

Dudes got issues, block him back.

LetGoLetThem1234 · Today 10:39

It is probably just as well things have ended. I am sorry that you are confused/upset though. However I think that your ex had an ulterior motive for keeping in touch with you. He's done you a favour, don't get back in contact with him again.

Personally I would not have kept the friendship going after the relationship had ended.

ldnmusic87 · Today 10:41

I wouldn't stay friends with him at all, his relationships all sound very toxic.

AnneLovesGilbert · Today 10:42

Daily contact and a monthly meet up, it sounds like you both had one foot out of your relationships, probably for the best it’s done now.

Lisheenss · Today 10:55

Time to move on.
His reaction is unhinged and you do not want to be around that.

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