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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt and upset and not really understand what happened here

36 replies

Lambzig · 30/07/2026 10:01

I dated someone about four years ago for about six months. We always got on brilliantly and had lots of fun but it was too soon after my marriage had ended for me, I felt he was very enmeshed with his ex-wife still (subsequently he got back with her sort of) and we went our separate ways. We agreed that we would like to be try to be friends after a little while and after a few months had passed he got back in touch asking if I would like to go for lunch.

Since then we have met up around once a month, sometimes longer, go for lunch or a walk and nothing more. Probably text daily on a "what are you up to today" basis. We have talked about how much we value the friendship.

I started seeing someone about 18 months ago. Occasionally he or my friend's ex-wife join us for a walk, but most often it's just him and me. There hasn't been a problem with me seeing someone, or any jealousy like that.

At the weekend I went away and lost my phone for about 48 hours. Luckily it turned up and when I was reunited with it, later that evening, I texted him to say sorry I haven't been around and told him I had lost my phone.

He absolutely blew up at me, told me I was lying and when I explained how it had happened, said that he didnt believe me. He kept saying that he hated being lied to, that he had never known me to lose my phone before (well, yeah). I got a little angry and said that I was not responsible for what he chose to believe, but that I hoped we could talk this through.

He said there was no coming back from this, and has blocked me on everything. He seems to have deleted his WhatsApp account.

I am left completely confused, a bit hurt, but thinking that I have to accept he doesn't want to talk to me. I just don't know what happened and thats driving me crazy.

I am still a little angry, but I am upset. I just have to get over it don't I? And not contact him again.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 30/07/2026 10:04

It sounds like he was more invested in this friendship than you realised, maybe he was hoping it would become more but his reaction was really over the top

Don't stay friends with exes, waste of time

Yamyamabroad · 30/07/2026 10:05

I'm confused, who went mad - the ex from 4 years ago or the current boyfriend? Either way, I would just ignore them and get on with your life without them in it.

Loulou4022 · 30/07/2026 10:05

Is it the man you dated 4 years ago who’s gone off on one or the man you’re dating now?
Either way it sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet there and I’d leave him be and if he ever contacts you again ignore him or tell him you’re not interested in dating such an immature twat!!

Loulou4022 · 30/07/2026 10:07

I’d also be a bit concerned about the one who dated you then got back with his wife but continued to ‘see you’ as a friend! He can’t have it all ways!!

anonymoususer9876 · 30/07/2026 10:09

Yes, I do think it’s time to move on. Texting each other every day is quite full on for a platonic friendship - you don’t owe each other a text if for any reason you can’t. It’s a friendship, not a partnership. Blowing up at you for a lack of a text in 48hrs seems overkill.

SummerNocturnal · 30/07/2026 10:09

Christ almighty, I'd have literally noone speaking to me in my life. I lose my phone all the time for up to days at a time.
If it has never happened to him then bully for him. I know it feels suss to others when it happens. People I know were rightfully frustrated when mine was out of battery one time and lost another. I don't think they believed me either (or if they did, still thought what a twat).
He has blocked you. He can unblock you if he comes to his senses. Unless you always flakey with no redeeming features then he's just lost a decent friend for no good reason.

CelticSilver · 30/07/2026 10:09

Let it go, Indy.

Mygardenshedisfallingdown · 30/07/2026 10:33

Ex for a reason and unless you have kids there isn't often a good reason to stay in touch. He sounds over invested, possibly wanting a potential fwb and has got out of his pram because you aren't ready to drop your knickers again.

OldrNWisr · 30/07/2026 10:36

Anyone who blows up and calls you a liar if you go offline for any length of time is not someone you want in your life.

Backawayfromthesausage · 30/07/2026 10:38

Dudes got issues, block him back.

LetGoLetThem1234 · 30/07/2026 10:39

It is probably just as well things have ended. I am sorry that you are confused/upset though. However I think that your ex had an ulterior motive for keeping in touch with you. He's done you a favour, don't get back in contact with him again.

Personally I would not have kept the friendship going after the relationship had ended.

ldnmusic87 · 30/07/2026 10:41

I wouldn't stay friends with him at all, his relationships all sound very toxic.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/07/2026 10:42

Daily contact and a monthly meet up, it sounds like you both had one foot out of your relationships, probably for the best it’s done now.

Lisheenss · 30/07/2026 10:55

Time to move on.
His reaction is unhinged and you do not want to be around that.

Original poster
Lambzig · 30/07/2026 12:00

Thank you. Yes it's the ex-boyfriend who blew up at me. Current partner is lovely and was fine with the friendship.

I didn't think there was any undercurrents or issues in our friendship, so this has rather blindsided me, its just so bizarre. He was very encouraging when I met my current boyfriend and told me to go for it. I think any desire on his part to be with me or a fwb situation would have come out before now.

But yes you are right - I just need to move on. I don't make friends that easily so it feels a big loss right now.

OP posts:
whippersnapper55 · 30/07/2026 12:18

Blimey, he sounds a bit unhinged! A friend who blows up at you and calls you a liar is not a friend at all. You're allowed to be not in contact for 48 hours, even if you hadn't lost your phone!

If I were you, I'd leave him blocked. Nobody needs that sort of drama llama in their life!

SereneFinch · 30/07/2026 12:23

He sounds very odd. This is not normal behaviour from a friend. I would be taking a massive step back.

OnlyUsername · 30/07/2026 12:48

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/07/2026 10:42

Daily contact and a monthly meet up, it sounds like you both had one foot out of your relationships, probably for the best it’s done now.

This is way, waaaaaay too much for an ex. I'm surprised your current partner was so trusting because it seems he was (and maybe you were) quite dependent on the constant contact.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 30/07/2026 12:49

Might have used this 'incident' as a reason to end the friendship for whatever reason.

Original poster
Lambzig · 30/07/2026 12:59

It's interesting that several people are saying we had too much contact. I am friends with a couple of ex's, so is my current partner. I have never had a problem with that (obviously I also have ex's that I would never want to talk to again) and neither would he. There was certainly no pull to maintain the romantic side of things for me.

But yes, perhaps it was an excuse to cut me off.

I am always pulled to try and find out more when something like this has happens, but at best it was unkind of him, and I need to accept he no longer wants to talk to me.

OP posts:
Pssedoffathis · 30/07/2026 13:13

I actually think it’s super weird to stay friends with an ex, unless they were a friend before you dated like a childhood friend who you dated as teens for example. But otherwise, what is the point. Just block now and move on with your life. I would suspect he had you in his mind as on the back burner. And why would 48 hours be an issue for not speaking to someone. My friends I speak to sometimes daily, sometimes it can go six months without contact, it’s never an issue. And not an issue if someone asks a question and the other person doesn’t answer for a few weeks. Daily contact with an ex is super wierd and dependant. I think you should think about why that was actually happening. Friends don’t have to speak daily. It’s not very normal to have such a huge amount of contact even with a close friend. To the point where if you don’t speak to them for 48 hours they blow up like that.

Boreded · 30/07/2026 13:33

Well he basically stripped down naked and just came out wearing his red flag didn’t he

Seems like a lucky escape to me.

Friendlygingercat · 30/07/2026 13:52

Your friend sounds like he had real MH issues. Not only did he berate you for the missing 48 hours but accused you of lying and threw all his toys out of the pram. I think you dodged a bullet there.

Ive got a friend (with whom I have a platonic relationship because they are gay) whom I phone most days and I| see about once a week. I cant envisage someone blowing up at me because I "lost" my phone for 24-48 hours and didn't ring them,. Sometimes I leave it in another room or upstairs. I have mobility issues so I'm not going to troll up and down just to make/receive a call.

MauriceTheMussel · 30/07/2026 14:00

Well, obviously he’s in love with you so no real friendship can be had.

If I’m totally wrong, he’s a petulant fucker and who could be arsed with that?

StandFirm · 30/07/2026 14:15

I don't understand people who expect others to be online and ready to respond to any incoming messages immediately. It's utterly draining. Friendships don't require that level of involvement. You meet up with and you support your friends if they need you - to me that's what friendship is for- but I'd take a massive step back from anyone who felt entitled to my undivided attention to that extent. It's bizarre! Be relieved you don't have such a weirdo in your life.

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