To feel hurt and upset and not really understand what happened here

[Lambzig]

I dated someone about four years ago for about six months. We always got on brilliantly and had lots of fun but it was too soon after my marriage had ended for me, I felt he was very enmeshed with his ex-wife still (subsequently he got back with her sort of) and we went our separate ways. We agreed that we would like to be try to be friends after a little while and after a few months had passed he got back in touch asking if I would like to go for lunch.

Since then we have met up around once a month, sometimes longer, go for lunch or a walk and nothing more. Probably text daily on a "what are you up to today" basis. We have talked about how much we value the friendship.

I started seeing someone about 18 months ago. Occasionally he or my friend's ex-wife join us for a walk, but most often it's just him and me. There hasn't been a problem with me seeing someone, or any jealousy like that.

At the weekend I went away and lost my phone for about 48 hours. Luckily it turned up and when I was reunited with it, later that evening, I texted him to say sorry I haven't been around and told him I had lost my phone.

He absolutely blew up at me, told me I was lying and when I explained how it had happened, said that he didnt believe me. He kept saying that he hated being lied to, that he had never known me to lose my phone before (well, yeah). I got a little angry and said that I was not responsible for what he chose to believe, but that I hoped we could talk this through.

He said there was no coming back from this, and has blocked me on everything. He seems to have deleted his WhatsApp account.

I am left completely confused, a bit hurt, but thinking that I have to accept he doesn't want to talk to me. I just don't know what happened and thats driving me crazy.

I am still a little angry, but I am upset. I just have to get over it don't I? And not contact him again.

It’s not that you’re in contact with exes. For some people that works fine.
It’s the intensity of daily contact and expectation of your availability. So that if he doesn’t have that, he gets angry. That’s not ok. You have no responsibility to him or him to you.

If there are no hints as to why this happened and it's bever hapoened before, then sonething is clearly going on with him. Maybe it's a mental health struggle that he's been hiding, or someone else has let him down badly and he's taking it out on you. You're obviously not going to get an answer to that unless he tells you.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if he appears again in six months wanting to resume the friendship. He'll either tell you what it was all about then, or he'll lie to make up a more synpathetic reason. I wouldn't mind betting in the latter, because he obviously keeps part of his life hidden from you - hence why you are always kept at arm's length, yet he needs you on some emotional level.

Thank you for all your responses, some of which have made me laugh about this for the first time. And also quietened my impulse to try and fix things.

He has had a bit of a flounce with me before, but never blocked me before.

I think I will just be able to let it go. It seems like thats for the best sadly.

He’s unstable. Protect yourself and keep away.

I don't speak to/message anyone daily except my husband. Not even my mum, who I get on with and love dearly. I think leaving him to it is best, as you say!

"I started seeing someone about 18 months ago. Occasionally he or my friend's ex-wife join us for a walk"

Do you mean the ex wife of the bloke that blew up at you, or the ex wife of the man you've been seeing for 18 months? Either way, why is their ex wife joining you both for walks?

Yep.

Walk away it's a waste of time.

You have a partner and presumably have other friends you don't the stress.

X

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

That is not normal behaviour.

I mean that sometimes his wife and my partner will join us for lunch or me and my partner have been round there for supper. We all get on well.

However, more usually it has been just him (friend) and I as neither of us work Mondays.

There’s not a friend in this planet I need to be in daily contact with! That’s a ridiculous overreaction

Indeed. The daily check-in texts is well ott, especially on top of regular meet-ups. The only reason i'd keep in such regular contact is if there was something major going on in thier life, like a serious medical investigation/treatment or a seriously ill family member. For some reason OP has become a crutch for her ex, i'm surprised that she doesn't seem to know why that might be.