To say if you book the activity then it’s your job to get the child to & from it?

[JustAnotherWhinger]

I am very, very pissed off tonight, but trying to get a bit of perspective. My usual sounding boards of DH and MIL are away for a funeral so don’t want to bother them until they’re back.

AIBU to say that if you book an activity for a child in my home then you can get the child to and from that activity?

The backstory is that the DC is my late cousin’s child. They live here with a SGO so it’s a permanent thing, DH and I have PR to make all of the decisions in his life.

I have, for his sake, facilitated (and encouraged) his contact with my cousins other cousins (I was her cousin on her mum’s side, they are in her dad’s side) as they are his family. They were close to his mum so it’s important he maintains relationships.

However, they’ve overstepped quite a bit at times and the proverbial straw has broken tonight when I’ve had a message telling me I need to take him to a certain activity on a set day each week starting from September as this relative has booked them in.

There was zero discussion about this. No checking that it fits in with the activities we have him booked into (swimming and football atm, and Squirrels in sept, which I think is plenty as he’ll be a starting reception). I have three other children at home as well.

I’m planning to reply and say that that’s fine, but they’ll have to ferry him to and from the activity as it doesn’t work for our schedule (it’s on a night two others will have swimming so MIL will have him and one other at home and I won’t ask her to take him a 40 min trip, wait an hour then 40 mins back).

I’m trying to be nice to people as I know some feel guilty that they couldn’t offer to take him in when our cousin got ill, but I really don’t feel that makes it ok to just do stuff without discussion. It’s so annoying

How and how much should be decided WITH the OP, depending on her own limitations

OP has not disagreed with you about family contact with the father's cousin side, she put in her first post how she considered it important, but your comment above is not how parental responsibility/rights works.

OP does not need to waste her precious time and energy getting the agreement of other family members, discussing things with them, persuading them to her way of thinking or even listening to their opinions, if she doesn't want to.

X is now part of her family, equal to her own biological DC. He is effectively her DC now. OP and her DH are the ones solely responsible for raising him. Nobody else gets a say. She doesn't even need to do the chat group thing if she doesn't want to. X is seeing the wider family periodically and can update them on his news then.

The sooner they all realise this the better. They have no PR and therefore no say in how he's raised.