is she a CF or am I in the wrong?

[Anonforthis2]

A family member has a huge four wheel drive car. For the past couple of years she has chosen to work in a fairly remote location because it comes with free rent and other benefits. It's about a 5 hour drive away. Where we live you do need a car to get around really, buses are few and far between and it's a big walk to the train, not having a car pretty much means every day getting around town is a hassle.

She now wants to drive the car here in August, her next visit to our town, and leave it on our lawn for 3-4 months until she comes back, to avoid having to drive it back but still have access it to it during her next trip.

We have a fairly large front lawn, there is room for it and it is legal to park on the lawn, if you avoid the nature strip.

I don't want the car dumped here for 3-4 months. At all. I hate the thought of it, I think it will be an absolute eyesore and more than anything I just think it's a fucking cheek to even ask.

Am I being unreasonable? Partner is unsure and not sure how to say no.

This is a genuine question. There have been issues with her overstepping and being cheeky and entitled a few times over the years, so I may just be emotionally reacting to all of those past events instead of this request.

That would be a fuck no from me.

Could she come in her partners car leaving her own at home and postpone the ‘drive once’ until a time he is not coming too

Yeah, it wouldn't just be "have my car on your garden", it would be "also do upkeep & maintenance things regularly" so it doesn't seize up.

A few days, even a couple of weeks, I'd do, but four months is taking the piss.

If the situation was reversed, would she do it for you?

We had a car sitting on the front lawn for a year. When it was eventually moved the grass did look dry and dead but surprisingly it came back after a good watering. That aside though, I wouldn't let anyone else park their car there, family or not. You'll be responsible for running it every couple of weeks to keep it charged, and the family member could accuse you if she found any marks on it. Not worth the hassle, especially if the favour may become a repeat ask.

It's frankly outrageous for her to have already caused this stress making the decision simply because she cba to drive her own car home and because 'she's prickly'. She doesn't get to be lazy, presumptuous and prickly while you too - DP particularly fret about being thought badly of in some way for not bowing to this. Stick to your guns and say no, she can drive it home which is completely normal thing to do, unlike leaving her car on your lawn for months, which is not normal and not something you want to deal with. If she's prickly, be prickly too. Who cares?

Partner needs to grow a pair (unless their female, ut you get my point). It's your family member, not their's for starters. Any issues/prickliness will be your problem. Neither of you want to do it, you're not afraid of saying no apparently, so just say 'no'. It's pretty simple.

No way would I let someone leave a car on my lawn for that long. It ruins the grass and creates more work for you, no.

Say “no thank you” or even add “thank you for offering but it’s honestly fine”.

If she continues asking just keep saying “I really am good, but thanks”.

I’ve started doing it with CF requests and found it’s an easier way to refuse and it confuses the person asking so they back down more easily”.

I’ve tried and tested it a few times recently as I’m a total people pleaser who struggles to set boundaries and was surprised at how effective it is. I got the idea from my autistic DP being confused over being asked to do something one day as the person had phrased what they were asking so he thought it was a favour to him.
They didn’t keep asking as he was just smiling and not engaging further with requests as he thought he didn’t need to accept the favour.

It’s worth a try and is amusing to see their confused reaction 😆.

Ah so she wants you to be responsible instead. No thanks!

She’s being prickly because she’s a CF and a bully.

say no, I don’t want a cat on my lawn, I don’t want the responsibility of it.

let her prickle. That’s how she bullies people into doing things for her.

be firm.

They ?. So your partner is a woman

If another family member lives close by, then they can accommodate the car instead of you.

To be honest, I would not be happy to have anyone’s vehicle parked on my grass and would say no, irrespective of her prickly nature. Her car, her problem, not yours.

If you can fit three cars up the drive - which seems to be the case from what you’ve said, could you not ask her to park at the front and then you and your partner park your cars behind hers ? That would be less intrusive and kinder on your lawn. I still think she’s entitled though, and if there’s a prospect of this happening regularly then it would be a no. She sounds as though she’s used to getting her own way, so l would be setting some boundaries for the future.

As others have said, this isn't just the issue of having the car parked there (and potentially destroying your lawn) it's the additional issues of maintenance. As someone further up said you would need to run it once a month to keep it going. You would also need to wash it, even if it rains if it's that dusty rain it will need to be cleaned. If it gets bird poo on it that needs washing off else it destroys the paintwork.
If they are also picky is there also the chance they would find marks when collecting the car (scratches for example) and say they happened when it was parked outside yours and expect you to fix them.

What actual benefit are YOU going to see from this if you have the car on the lawn?
Ask yourself that.
A warm and fuzzy feeling that comes from helping someone? A monetary
benefit for charging a secure parking rate per day? A few hours on your drive as a favour is totally different to having a large car on your lawn for months on end,winding you up each time you see it.
I'd have laughed at the suggestion and said "no way"
Don't forget the insurance angle,would it affect their insurance? Mine always asks where the car is kept in the day and at night,so I imagine they would have to alter that for long term storage at yours.
A hard "no" is required here.

How is this relevant ?

I once refused my now ex SIL's request to leave their car in our garage for 2 years while they went to the US for work. My then DH was a bit put out that I'd just said no without discussing it with him, but I knew which way it would go.

We already had 3 cars (one project one permanently in the garage) and a caravan on the front, and I simply couldn't bear the thought of yet another great big thing I had to be responsible for and fit my stuff around. They had to pay to store the car somewhere in the end.

In fact they were in the US for 5 years, not just 2, so even ex was relieved I'd said no - also it made me the bad guy and not him.

Partner is unsure and not sure how to say no.
You say "oh god no, I don't want your car parked on my lawn for months."

Say “That’s great!”Follow it up either with “That’ll be £xx a day” or “I’m so looking forward to driving it!”

Yes you have to be firm with these people. An aunt of mine (well known as CF) has moved to a sheltered block nearby although she herself is a very fit 70y old. Is now in trouble with residents association as she has a car and a motor home and been told to move the motor home. When she was telling me about this said "so you may come home to a motor home on your drive"... I said "no I won't as it will be moved elsewhere if it is". We only have room for our cars on our drive and her solution was for her to park on the drive and we can put one car in the road!! Gave her the details of a caravan storage place.
These people thrive on being CF and "prickly"... I can see all sorts of problems ahead if you say yes like the lady trying to sell her house with the car in its garage a relative won't move.

Say no, you don’t want the responsibility.

She would need to advise her insurers that it’s being kept elsewhere too for that length of time.

Having any vehicle parked on a lawn for any length of time will wreck the grass and no doubt compress the surface……you will forever have ruts where the wheels ran over it and deeper depressions from where it was parked. If you’re in a rental, the landlord would not be best pleased, if it’s your property could you tolerate that financial hit to fix the damage?

Prickly people only get away with it because others let them. Be prickly back.. “no that won’t work, we don’t keep any vehicles on our lawn”

The lawn wont just need reseeding as the weight of the car will create divits and ruts where its sat and driven on and off the lawn, both of which are really difficult and expensive to remove.
Just tell her no and if she pushes back ask her if shes willing to pay for your garden to be landscaped to repair the damage her vehicle will cause (hint she wouldn't)