AIBU for preferring my husband not join our beach trip?

[Kardelen]

We were planning to go on a beach trip with my colleagues by coach this weekend. At first my husband didn’t want to come, but now he’s considering it - although he said he’d stay separate from everyone ( he has mental health issues)

My mum thinks it would be better if he came so he could help with the kids, but realistically I don’t think that’s how it would play out. I feel like it would actually stress me out more, because I’d be worrying about him as well — whether he’s okay, how he’s feeling, etc. and also he’s not very helpful with the kids anyway and gets stressed and spirals.

Also, I don’t think he’d come on the coach, so we would probably have to drive separately. That’s fine, but I’ve already paid for the coach for myself and the kids 😅

I think I’d also feel a bit awkward having him there with my colleagues, especially as some of them already know a bit about what’s going on since I had to adjust shifts and mention that he’s not well.

But I just feel so guilty like he’s missing out on his kids? As we don’t usually do beach days

If he wouldn't be travelling with you, parenting his kids, and would be avoiding everyone there, does it matter whether he goes or not?

He doesn't parent and gets stressed by his kids, so he's not missing out on anything.

Are other colleagues bringing their spouses? If he won't join in the main event, I see little benefit to him being there.

Having mental heath problems doesn’t give him a licence to inconvenience you on what should be a happy, carefree day out. He can’t even get on the coach so you and the kids would miss out on that part of the fun and banter. Not a great start. He’s not good at helping with the kids? Well that’s his active and selfish choice.
He’s going to cramp your style and it sounds like he’s defining himself by whatever condition he’s got. I really hope he’s getting all possible treatment for the sake of his family. At the moment he’s like another child. ☹️

The husband should plan the separate beach day not the OP. I’m sure he’s capable but probably not willing 😩

If he goes but stays separate from everyone else and doesn't socialise it'd be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone so for everyone's sake he should stay home. You can do a family day out another time.

I’d hate this and my husband has no mental health issues. You deserve a care free day out , it feels like you’re dealing with a lot. Just tell him, but do it in a way that you will all have another beach day just the family. And book a date in. As him driving then staying seperate is just so awkward.

and tell your mum to fuck off.

Is there really any need for that? You know full well what she means. She’s dealing with everything that having a spouse with any sort of health issues includes, and you want to take the piss out of her because she hasn’t specified that it’s ill health?

I don’t know whether you’re a raging snob or a massive dickhead, but you’ve shown yourself to be a nasty piece of work here. Do you feel better about yourself now you’ve got that little bit of spitefulness out of your system?

Christ. Not needed

Sounds like the MH issues are just an excuse for him to be an arsehole. OP you would be better off without him completely, not only on your beach trip

Coming along on a group trip and staying apart (and expecting you to stay apart is rude and bad etiquette). Plan another trip if he wants to go, or he comes with you and plays ball.

Please leave him at home. Sounds like you could do with a break.

Encourage him to rest and relax at home.

Don't start this sort of caper OP. It will be expected of you forever if you do. There's absolutely no point in him coming. He doesn't want to go on the coach, he won't want to socialise and the kids stress him out. Sounds like a fucking nightmare. It's one day at the beach with your colleagues, not his. What's wrong with him? Is he getting treatment?

Nailed 💯

Enjoy your day with the children and colleagues and don’t feel guilty about it.

@Kardelen who is going on this trip?

It doesnt sound like just colleagues if you're taking kids. Is it actually colleagues families? And will most colleagues also be bringing kids and partners?

Wow.

I thought we didn't take the piss out of people with disabilities.

Yeah mate- you're not ill. You're just an arsehole.

Very 1980s

@Kardelen Go with your kids. Tell your mum to visit your dh to cheer him up since she's so concerned..

I want to know this to as it changes everything

Have you considered a day out might do him the world of good, to get out of the house and normal routines

Sure but it might also do OP and the kids some good to have their planned day out. Everyone needs time off from caring duties. It sounds like him coming would make the trip a lot more stressful for OP without any clear benefits for him.