AIBU to feel miffed about my family getting Irish passports?

[Honeysucklelane]

AIBU to feel miffed my DH & kids are getting Irish passports? They all have UK passports and it seems a luxury to pay twice.

I can’t get an Irish passport, but my DH and DC’s can. I’ve pointed out I’ll be stuck in the long non-EU queues at airports whilst they go ahead through the EU queue.

Realistically unless any of them travel somewhere alone, it’s highly unlikely they’ll be with other family or friends with Irish passports so they’ll always be waiting on whoever they’re travelling with anyway so what is the point?

DH was very sheepish when a neighbour popped round with the signed forms this evening and was avoiding telling me what he’d dropped round for.

Your husband is an Irish citizen by birth. Thus he is entitled to an Irish passport.

I am very surprised that his parents didnt take him to Ireland at least once a year when he was growing up. Its also a bit sad that you have never taken your kids to Ireland. I think you should. You should introduce them to their heritage.

It's not all that easy to get an Irish passport. Who is the neighbour who signed the forms? The forms have to be witnessed by a notary, not a solicitor, a notary. This costs money. Forms for 3 people costs a lot of money. You have to produce things like your parents birth and marriage certificates. The originals, not copies. Therefore, his parents definitely knew about this application.

I'm not sure that your children are Irish citizens by birth. Somewhere down the line the chain to Ireland breaks. It is useful to keep the chain to Ireland, once it is broken it cannot be repaired. Your great grab kid wouldn't be eligible to be Irish citizens without this chain of passports in place.

It does seem a bit hypocritical to be the citizen of a country that you have no interest in

I have an Irish and a British passport - the kids have Irish passports and Dh has sadly got a British passport. When the kids travel with us I’m Irish and when it’s just Dh and I, then I use the British passport. We wanted the kids to get registered as Irish now, so they had options to travel. Dh is very supportive of this and feels a bit sad he can’t be Irish too. 😁

There is an exception for dual British-irish nationals, who can enter the UK on their Irish passports.

https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cbp-10344/#:~:text=Many%20British%20dual%20nationals%20are,the%20UK%20without%20an%20ETA.

I recently went on holiday and as I approached passport control I saw a man in the EU queue looking at us with a smug look on his face, as if he was gloating that he’d get through before us. Unfortunately for him our queue moved a lot quicker, and I gave him a smile as I went out. So having an EU passport doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get through faster.
My kids can get an Irish passport yet they’ve never been there.

A large part of the reason why there was so much Protestant/Catholic conflict in Ireland is its colonial history. I'm not sure you are blaming the right source of their suffering, or at least, all of the causes.

well as you now know that you won’t be left behind in a queue

shouldn’t you be directing your concern at your H who was being sneaky about this and seems like he was the one gearing up to leave you standing there?

strangers on the internet don’t know your mental health problems of course they don’t but your H does, so you should talk to him and question if he was prepared to leave you queuing alone and ask him why.

I would LOVE to be able to get my children Irish passports. They will have so many more options open to them as adults - they’re lucky. I don’t really see why it’s problematic that OP’s DH has applied for these passports. They’re not a bonus - they’re the DCs’ birthright and it’s fair that he should sort it for them as far as I can see. Perhaps he’s fed up of OP’s anxiety dictating even the smallest details of their lives, like whether they can leave her alone in public? Because that sounds exhausting, to be honest.

What are you doing to help your mental health? I assume you must be on medication/using CBT techniques to try to cope.

This is pathetic. Do you not have a phone? Youd rather they miss out on a lifetime of better opportunities because you want to be "me me me" about a queue?!

Sorry, this doesn’t make sense to me. Am I not allowed to feel solidarity with my family because I live in the UK?

I see your issue is being left in a queue on your own. Why frame this as a passport issue when it is an anxiety issue? Do you have similar issues about train stations etc, so you never go anywhere on your own? I'm sorry you have this problem but perhaps you could try to get some help with it. I've heard CBT can be helpful.

Oh, you edited your post, makes a bit more sense now! You’re being logical etc, which I appreciate, and yes I am aware of the history of Ireland thanks. I’ve visited quite often, beautiful place, lovely people, I feel the suffering deeply. But equally I feel what my grandparent went through, and I just can’t do it.

I’m intrigued by this. My DH and DS have German passports - I don’t qualify - and I’ve never known I could join them with my British passport. Is that true for all EU passports?

I had to know about it as I had to sign the forms for my DS - is it different for Irish, only one parent needs to sign? Was the neighbour coming round for you to sign as well?

We don’t fly very often but when we do my DH has used his German one and me my British one. It’s meant he’s had to wait for me 🤷‍♀️

edited to add: take the long view, it’s brilliant your teens now have EU passports for work and study.

I do sympathise as an anxious traveller myself but even with teens you go through as a family group. My husband and children have irish passports and I do not, if we travel together we are always sent to the EU line as you go through with the people you are travelling with.
So try not to worry about that.
The Irish passports are also cheaper so we probably won't replace their UK ones when it's time to renew. Irish citizenship, most importantly, gives the children a lot of freedom for the future. So it is all good (even though if I travel on my own I am busy cursing my own passport).

Why?

What are you doing to address the issue? I understand that people suffer from anxiety but when that anxiety starts to impact others or stops you from doing very basic tasks such as queuing on your own, then it’s time to address it surely?

I think people are responding the way they are because your response has been that you have anxiety and that’s the end of discussion. There doesn’t seem to be a willingness to acknowledge that the Irish passports
could benefit your children longer term or that you’re doing something to address your issues.

Travelling alone as an adult is a pretty basic task and going through passport control on your own even more so. If these things make you anxious to the point that they are impacting your life and other people, then it’s time to address them. And I say that as someone who has an issue which, if I let it, would stop me doing things like travelling and socialising and would directly impact my family. But I’ve addressed it and sought help and treatment.

I am looking forward to my kids getting their Irish passports. Just need DH to organise (he is the Irish one and agreed to sorting it out). Le opportunity c'est fucking enorme (to quote Ronan O'Gara).

I hadn't realised I would be able to go through passport control with them, but was happy to do the wait on my own.

Yes you would!! You’d tell them to go to the doctor to get it fixed. You wouldn’t want someone walking about with a broken arm!

Can you tell me more about the 90 in 180 not applying please? I haven't seen this before and it would be really relevant to my family situation.

It's a bit bonkers that you don't want your children to benefit from having two passports, one of them being an EU one!! Totally don't get why anyone would feel that way. A passport is an incredibly valuable thing in so many contexts. If you could get ten, you should get ten (unfortunately you can't, but don't be silly to not get two!)

Your dh is automatically Irish if (one of) his parents were born in Ireland and were an Irish citizen at the time of his birth.

Your children were not automatically Irish and so their births would have had to be registered under the Foreign Birth Registration process and once completed, that would have made them Irish citizens and eligible for their Irish passports.

Now that your children have Irish citizenship, their children would be entitled to also go through the Irish FBR process - which is worth it for continuing the right to an Irish passport down the generations.

Incidentally, the FBR process would have taken quite a while; your dh would have started the process a year ago. That you're only finding out now is probably something to think about.

Everyone should get an Irish Passport if they can. Especially younger people - more work opportunities all across Europe.

Agreed. It doesn’t have to be an Irish passport but any passport from an EU country gives them the right to travel and work there. They don’t have to worry about the 90 day rule. My friend was eligible for an Italian passport and after she retired she bought a beach apartment in Italy and moved there.

Your mental health is for you to manage. You want to limit your children’s opportunities for the sake of your “mental health.”

That’s poor parenting.

Or it would be a way that some good could come from a terrible situation. It’s your birthright.

A broken arm usually has a predictable treatment and healing time. Panic disorder often doesn't. People can do everything "right" with therapy, medication, exposure and still have symptoms. That's why "just get it fixed" isn't a realistic comparison.

One of the biggest misconceptions about panic disorder is that if someone really wanted to get better they would. But recovery isn't something that can be forced through willpower. Panic is driven by automatic brain processes designed to protect us from danger and those systems don't always respond quickly to reassurance, determination, or even treatment. Many people work incredibly hard and still continue to experience panic. That doesn't mean they aren't trying. It means the condition can be persistent just as some chronic physical illnesses remain despite the best medical care.