AIBU to think this is really odd? Neighbour’s cat has lived with us for 10 months and now she’s furious.

[TheFastMauveWasp]

Trying to work out if I’m missing something.

Our neighbour has 20+ animals. One of their cats started coming to us about 10 months ago. She was really skinny when she first started coming over and absolutely riddled with fleas. We started feeding her because she looked hungry and the neighbour had previously said it was fine if the cats came round.
Fast forward and she’s basically lived here ever since. I don’t mean she visits for meals. I mean day and night. Sleeps here, follows us round, is with us all the time. She’s become incredibly attached to us and my children adore her.

The downside is she brought a horrendous flea infestation with her. Our house has been absolutely crawling despite repeated treatments. I’ve spent a fortune trying to sort it. I even rang the vet to ask what the options were and they said they could prescribe treatment, but obviously she’s not registered to us.

So I went to the neighbour and said, look, if the answer’s no then just tell me straight away, I completely understand, but would you consider letting us take ownership so we can get her treated properly?

She became really hostile. She said “they’re mine”, “I didn’t think you’d feed them”, “my other animals don’t have fleas” and “I can’t get near her to flea her because she’s always at yours.”

I also said the cat is covered in fleas, our house is covered in fleas and she’s ended up sleeping outside for the last week because we can’t let her in while trying to get on top of the infestation. I appreciate she may well have felt criticised by that. Equally… those are the reasons I was having the conversation in the first place.

What I can’t get my head round is this: if this is really her cat, why has she never once looked for her in 8 months? Never knocked, never asked where she was, never seemed remotely bothered until I asked about ownership.

I wasn’t demanding the cat. I specifically said I’d accept a no. I just thought after us feeding her for months, dealing with the fleas and caring for her, there might at least be a conversation.
Instead I just got hostility.

AIBU to think the reaction was bizarre? Or can people genuinely be that defensive when they feel criticised… not one word about the wellbeing of the cat!

She feels judged for neglecting the cat; I would keep feeding and caring for the cat and get it registered at the vet. It needs vaccinations and spaying. And lots of love.

I think I’d have handled it more sensitivily myself. Maybe not lead with the fleas, I’d have said we love the cat staying, happy if she splits her time, we are also happy to do any vets, can we transfer ownership , see what she says. She’s a lot of animals and to her ears you acccused her of being a shit owner, which she is, but doesn’t mean she’s going to greet you with warmth when you inform her of that,

Did you not read it, they can’t it’s already registered to the neighbour.

Are you daft? There’s more than one vet in the world.

Unfortunately it’s the microchip that’s the problem. And the cat is her property!

Not in England. You can microchip but if you then neglect you don’t have a leg to stand on.

Just go and buy flea treatment from a pet shop and treat her. No vet required

Yes I know lots of people who react with hostility when they are criticised.
It may not be fair but maybe your only option would be to call the RSPCA and see if they can suggest something.

As well as the RSPCA, your council might have an animal warden who could advise - inc about yr neighbour if she's hoarding/neglecting animals. They're usually based in the environmental health dept

Not to stick up for this woman, she doesn’t sound great, but you really shouldn’t feed other peoples cats.

Do you know any that actually work? I’ve never had much luck with shop bought treatments.

I think your mistake was asking if you could get the cat flea'd so it could be treated "properly". Regardless of whether she is coping or how responsibly she looks after them, you've just rocked up at her front door and insulted her.

She's mad at you because of that, not because the cats been living with you for 10 months.

You’re expecting rational, complex engagement from someone who has an uncontrolled number of neglected animals in their house. There was unlikely to be a straightforward outcome.

Have you treated the carpets/floors with an anti-flea spray, op? You can buy it from the vets, it's not cheap but it does work in killing flea eggs. (Be sure to ventilate the rooms well after using it.)

I'm confused by your neighbour's reaction. She's never asked about the cat and she didn't think you would be feeding it? How does she think it's survived all this time?

Also, I would keep the cat and not mention the subject again. You haven't stolen the cat, it's chosen to live with you. I'd keep all receipts for food, veterinary products and so on so if the question of ownership is mentioned again, you can produce the evidence that you have been taking care of it. It might be worth speaking to your veterinary practice and seeing what they advise. I bet it's not the first time they've dealt with a cat that's chosen to move to a much better home.

Try a smoke bomb for the flea infestation in your house op, also diatomaceous earth can be sprinkled safely all over carpets and sofa's etc....but not put on the cat.

The otc flea spot ons aren't very good. You will probably need to tackle it the old fashioned way with a comb and flea powder.

The reaction is irrational because this woman is irrational. Rational people don't keep 20 miserable starving flea-ridden neglected pets. She's probably in a bad state herself and in denial about it.
The RSPCA will probably be useless but you might have more luck reporting to a local independent cat shelter or to the Cats' Protection League.

The most bizarre thing is you continuing to feed and encourage a flea-ridden animal into your house.

It is very odd that you have waited this long tbh. Also odd that the neglectful woman has up to date mucrochip details!

Just get flea stuff from the pet shop and indoorex for the house.

Maybe she felt someone was deliberately trying to take the cat from her and didn’t know how to address it with you. This was the only reason the cat kept coming back. It was given split loyalties. I really wouldn’t be happy at other people feeding my cat so often that it no longer comes home. Get a cat of your own if you want one so badly but don’t keep feeding other people’s cats. It’s not fair on the cat or its owners regardless if she’s a crap owner. You don’t just walk around to peoples houses and help yourself to their dogs.

You can buy Advantage spot on treatment in pet shops or Amazon. It’s v effective (don’t bother with Frontline).

Use Indorex for the house. Also, once the cat is treated, let her roam the house, once fleas bite, they’ll die.

Just take the cat to the vet. They never scan for a chip IME.

OP, what actual treatments have you used on the cat (and your home)?

(Also OP is correct, vets will not allow you to get a cat treated there if it is not your microchip, even of you are willing to pay)

Vets don’t routinely scan for microchips. I’ve never had a cat scanned and I have had plenty over the years. Currently have three and none have ever been scanned.

Many vets never scan for a chip unless you ask them to.

And I agree with this. This is the only treatment that works in the house.