AIBU to stop volunteering after dance school refused to cover licence cost?

[BottlingBurpsForGrandma]

I'm really upset and cross with my DD's dance school. Every year, they do two shows - a Summer and a Winter. For the last 3 years I have volunteered as a chaperone at all of these shows. Typically, I look after a group of maybe 6 or 8 children including my own daughter, supporting them with costume changes, pastoral, nipping to the loo. As DD's grown older and needed less support, I've helped out with different age groups and acted as a 'floater' with the little ones. It is completely voluntary and many parents don't ever chaperone a show.

DD enjoys the shows and has worked hard to be in it, so she is taking part again at the weekend. My chaperone licence needed renewing, costing me just over £18. I applied to the dance school to reimburse me this cost - it is a specific Chaperone License and can only be used for this dance school - and they've said no. I feel so hurt and upset. I will be giving about 12 hours of my time to support the show weekend, on top of well over 100 hours over the last 3 years.

They will probably buy all the chaperones a keyring or mug to say thanks but are completely refusing to cover this cost incurred. I honestly want to phone in sick on the days now, but I do enjoy the time backstage with my daughter.

If they had to pay chaperones it would be upwards of £20 per hour and they'd need about 20 for the dance school of 300 girls.

On top of this there's no discount for the show fee, the DVD is £20+ (I can't watch the show from the audience as, ya know, backstage!) and there's rarely so much as a packet of biscuits provided. I need to let it go, but I feel really angry, unappreciated and hurt.

Should I raise it with the school, or just quietly stop volunteering?

I think the Scout Shirt is slightly different. Firstly as it is a one off expense. Secondly groups will have a fund if you can't afford it. But mainly because every penny paid out has to be fundraised by the group, and, lets be honest, in most groups that is something else for the Leaders to organise, so most would rather just get their own shirt.

I’d cancel on one of my sessions and go watch it- I’d say ‘hi x, I will not be volunteering as chaperone on either the 2nd or 3rd show, if you don’t confirm which it will be the second. I am really annoyed the dance school won’t cover the cost of the volunteer clearance for all the parent support you need. Given it’s so undervalued think I’ll actually watch my daughter for one show rather than catch up with it on the dvd because the volunteer chaperones can’t even properly watch their child perform like other parents who haven’t volunteered. Please let me know if you’d rather I skip the chaperone role for the 3rd, I’ll buy tix for my mum with me too so need to know by Friday.
thanks,
op

I would raise this with the school and also feel very hurt and undervalued in your place. This is a tax deductible business expense for the school and needs to be included in their accounts.

That’s shit of them, they lack foresight too.

I wouldn’t volunteer in future.

Just say you won’t be able to volunteer, it doesn’t feel right paying your own expenses when you’re already offering your time for free.

If you resent it just tell them sorry you are no longer able to chaperone the event.

You perhaps wouldn’t have resented this when you were having to help your daughter a lot, but now she is growing out of needing help you could step back and let/make the parent of a youngster step up.

I disagree. Most packs run with a very decent budget, so asking the leaders to buy their own tops simply so they can be dressed to put in numerous volunteer hours is unfair.

We always paid our uniforms and member fee as volunteering scouts/guides. Normal around here.

Yeah I would tell DD you are going to really enjoy watching her in the show this year, so you won’t be doing the backstage bit.

I would not volunteer any more and be very vocal about why.

You owe them nothing.

Don’t do it. Enjoy watching your DD in her show.

Stop volunteering. Sit in the audience and enjoy the show fully. You’ve done your bit and they are taking the piss. My chaperone licence was always paid for.

Time to drop the rope. They should realise they are lucky to have willing volunteers. The least they should do is pay for the licence to show their appreciation of your time and effort.

Tell them exactly why you will not do it. Why should you be out of pocket?

Tell them now, so there is time to sort out any alternative for the night. Don’t quietly drift away and don’t do the chaperoning while seething. They aren’t even a charity but a for profit company!

Buy a ticket to watch your daughter perform instead.

At my school, so different from a commercial school, if you chaperone a night you get a free ticket to see the show.

If you are not licenced who gets the censure / fine / whatever?
If it's the Dance School then just don't get the licence. It's not your problem - you can claim to be a mere 'helper' rather than an official 'chaperone'.

@BottlingBurpsForGrandma I would call the owner and make it clear that you're happy to help out but you're not willing to pay for it. So either they pay the licence or you won't be able to help out. They are CF - go and watch your daughter's show instead.

There are many sports clubs for kids which are non-profit making, and rely on parents volunteering to help keep the costs down. That’s one thing and good. But it completely takes the piss when profit making businesses, especially those who make a fortune, exploit the fact that because it’s the norm to have parent volunteers, guilt them in to helping.
The equivalent is eg a hairdresser charging you £100 for your hair, then asking you to come and sweep the floor for an event they’re doing at the weekend.

It might be that they just don't need to pay for anyone because there are always enough mums of younger children who are prepared to pay for their licenses so that they are around for their kids. They would rather lose you as a chaperone than risk you telling people they have paid for your license and end up having to pay for everyone's.

If so, all the more reason to just stop. And it's still rude and ungrateful.

I would stop volunteering and tell them why. I know if a gymnastics 'club' that was run largely by volunteer teens as the,owner was so busy and had their own shows (I suspect because formal competitions would have needed proper training) chaperoned by parents. It's a poverty stricken area With very few activities and parents really had to sacrifice to send their kids but it was really popular. The owner constantly pleaded that it was not profit making but asked me to check her books (voluntarily) and help her when she had to register for VAT. After seeing that 400 parents were paying £10 per lesson, per week, and how minimal her costs actually were, it was clear she was actually making well over £10k per month. Bollocks was I going to volunteer after that

A museum local to me tried to become volunteer run with one member of staff on site. Firstly they stopped the ‘free’ tea and coffee off them and then started saying they couldn’t take time off when they wanted. Guess what, they all left.
there are people getting paid/making a profit who absolutely think other people should do things not only for free, but at cost to them, and be grateful.

They are being CF

I would expect all chaperones to get a copy of the DVD for free as they can’t watch the performance - it won’t cost them £20 to make, but would at least show a bit of gratitude

It’s over 10 years since I did it for dd but we never paid for licenses

Does your dd like you doing it?

I would quietly remove my volunteering without flouncing out.

A for-profit organisation should not be asking their volunteers to be out-of-pocket in this situation.

You would be unreasonable to volunteer to chaperone for them if they won't cover this cost. They are taking the piss and I think it's important that you make a stand here for the sake of all the volunteers, not just you.

Withdraw. If asked say why.

It's not the brownies or scouts..it's a for profit business.

Go watch the show and enjoy the performance.

I would be selfish and stop volunteering. I’d just say I’ve enjoyed doing this for three years but since you refuse to reimburse me for the licence fee, I won’t be continuing. Your DD is older now as you say anyway so won’t affect her and you’ll actually get to watch her live.