AIBU to stop volunteering after dance school refused to cover licence cost?

[BottlingBurpsForGrandma]

I'm really upset and cross with my DD's dance school. Every year, they do two shows - a Summer and a Winter. For the last 3 years I have volunteered as a chaperone at all of these shows. Typically, I look after a group of maybe 6 or 8 children including my own daughter, supporting them with costume changes, pastoral, nipping to the loo. As DD's grown older and needed less support, I've helped out with different age groups and acted as a 'floater' with the little ones. It is completely voluntary and many parents don't ever chaperone a show.

DD enjoys the shows and has worked hard to be in it, so she is taking part again at the weekend. My chaperone licence needed renewing, costing me just over £18. I applied to the dance school to reimburse me this cost - it is a specific Chaperone License and can only be used for this dance school - and they've said no. I feel so hurt and upset. I will be giving about 12 hours of my time to support the show weekend, on top of well over 100 hours over the last 3 years.

They will probably buy all the chaperones a keyring or mug to say thanks but are completely refusing to cover this cost incurred. I honestly want to phone in sick on the days now, but I do enjoy the time backstage with my daughter.

If they had to pay chaperones it would be upwards of £20 per hour and they'd need about 20 for the dance school of 300 girls.

On top of this there's no discount for the show fee, the DVD is £20+ (I can't watch the show from the audience as, ya know, backstage!) and there's rarely so much as a packet of biscuits provided. I need to let it go, but I feel really angry, unappreciated and hurt.

Should I raise it with the school, or just quietly stop volunteering?

There’s no fee for a chaperone licence in my local authority area - never realised some areas charge.

At my daughter’s dance school we have a rota for chaperoning so that we all cover some shows backstage but get chance to watch at least one performance. We do 4 shows over a single weekend once a year so tend to chaperone 2 or 3 shows each. Could you suggest to do something like that going forward so at least you don’t miss out on the performance?

That's crazy both that they won't refund you and that you don't get to see a show.
My friend does this but its over 3 days so she chaperones 2 days and watches the show on the day she's not backstage. She says its really hard work.

Many local authorities charge for the licence. The DBS itself might be free but chaperone licences often also include specific training. Over 10 years ago I had to attend a full day on the rules and regs of children in theatre.

I’ve never heard of a licence that can only be used for one school but I know there is a big shortage of volunteers. I always paid the fees for my chaperones.

Our dance school required everyone have a parent volunteer. So no, they did not cover expenses.

Same with most activities in our area. At some point each year, the parents have to provide volunteer hours.

I’d stop and I’d tell them why.

I am careful with what I volunteer for as there are plenty of businesses that run sports and music events that ask for volunteers to help them.

Chaperoning isn’t just volunteering though. It’s a specific legal responsibility. The process for getting a licence isn’t simply getting a DBS & doing an online safeguarding course.

you have to have an in person interview, references & know all the rules and regulations of what hours are allowed for different age groups, rest breaks etc etc. this often includes a half day or full day training course.

Just stop volunteering- expecting you to meet costs that are specific is unacceptable.

I chaperoned back stage for many years -
never paid for the licence -
that was covered by the organisation-
your dance school is being a CF -
for sure
however, I found it very rewarding and really enjoyed the shared experience with my DC

It is a basic principle of volunteering that volunteers must be reimbursed for out of pocket expenses. So this definitely should be covered, plus your travel costs. All responsible organisations working with volunteers would do this. I think this dance school is taking advantage of the fact that some of the volunteers are also parents.
Look at www.ncvo.org.uk for further information.

I would stop doing it.
They don't value your efforts, so stop.

I wouldn’t chaperone anymore. This should be a cost included in their business budget.

Definitely cheeky fuckers.

I was amazed to discover recently that DH has always had to pay for his uniform to volunteer for scouts!

Let them know you won’t be volunteering unless they cover this cost. Hopefully they won’t want to lose you.

I wouldn't have wanted to work backstage at our show (even though there were backstage helpers as well as chaperones). A few of the children were in more than three dance classes, so they appeared in the show several times and needed multiple costume changes. Making sure everyone was on stage in the right costume at the right time must have been hard work. Not only that, the chaperones made sure the younger children went to the toilet before going on stage so that no one was caught short during a scene.

The chaperones also had to deal with boredom and hi-jinks during all the waiting around. One child needed hospital treatment after attempting a daft stunt and failing to pull it off.

To be honest I would absolutely retract my offer of free work if they want you to pay them for the pleasure! That's extremely poor form on their part. A volunteer shouldn't have to cover costs for a private business!! I'd sit in the audience and enjoy watching your daughter in her show.

Playing devil’s advocate

Perhaps they have enough volunteers from the parents of the younger kids, who are the ones who actually need chaperoning ? So you would be an extra, and they can’t justify covering the cost of that?

do you know if they are covering some chaperones’ costs?

My daughter's school did a summer fayre recently. Needed lots of parent volunteers for the various stands. Offered free entry for the volunteering parent and 1 child (equivalent to about £10) in exchange for 1hr volunteering. Loads of volunteers delighted to help, everyone had a good time and lots of money raised.

They wouldn't be able to run the shows without the chaperones and as you say it's a money making business. Add £1 to the cost of everyone else's tickets and entry and make yours free or discounted. They really need to sort themselves out. Discounted entry and DVD. Do tell me you don't pay for a ticket to watch too??9

I am allocated as a sole chaperone to a group of 7 children for these 3 upcoming shows. Last time they asked me to do additional hours on the day, which I did. Maybe I am making myself a nuisance and they'd rather get some fresh blood in, but I don't think so.

Having looked at the licence it doesn't actually name the dance school so maybe that changes things. It doesn't feel like it does. I just don't think I should have to financially pay to volunteer. The Scout uniform thing is shocking! My DH is a volunteer football coach and they fund all the courses, gave him a top, etc.

If I wanted to watch from the audience I would need to pay the full £17 per ticket as would all other chaperones.

I bet the cost of the licenses could be used to write off some tax too if the dance school paid for them.

It's a shame if it's something you enjoy with your daughter. A DVD and tickets for free at least. I'd certainly be making this your last show. There must be so many other Mums dropping their younger ones off and making a quick escape thinking it's okay Ms @BottlingBurpsForGrandma does it every year.

Maybe they don't know you don't get paid.

I would think now that your child is one of the older ones, that it's time to take a back seat.

You've more than done your bit.

They all need chaperoning apart from anyone who is in year 11 & above (as we are now past the last Friday in June.) There is a minimum ratio of 1:12. Sometimes higher depending on the layout of the theatre.

It is a genuine business expense, so yes.

Quietly stop volunteering. Tell them why if they ask.

In other organisations I would, and indeed have, just paid up for out of pocket expenses. But as you say this is a profit making business and it's a bit of a slap in the face when they are rinsing you on everything else. You might need to be a bit politic about how you do it if there are potential repercussions on DD in terms of getting main parts etc... cringing as I say this but some circles really are that petty.

My daughter helped out with little ones at dance for 3 years and it always grated on me a bit that they never really said thank you. Every end of term the teacher left with armfuls of gifts, but neither the teacher nor the dance school owner ever gave DD anything as a token of thanks for all that time she put in for free. She'd have been made up with the very occasional cheap box of chocolates, probably costing less than their profit on a single pair of tights. Life is better post-dance-school, believe me.

Tell them to stuff it. See them back track so fast their knees burst into flames.

I would say that as they’re unable to pay that you’re no longer able to chaperone as you don’t have the licence.

I wouldn't slip away quietly, I would make it clear, both in writing and in the chats I have with other parents, WHY I was stepping down.

It is the principle of it as much as the actual money.

I also think it poor that they expect you to do all the shows and therefore not be able to watch - surely it is more traditional to get people to take turns so everyone can see the show too.