Fancy dress party at 13

[freezethat]

It’s going to be DDs 13th birthday in a few weeks.

We moved at the start of the year and she still hasn’t really made any proper friends. She gets on with and is friendly with lots of people though.

We are going to do a big party and invite all the people she’s friendly with ( probably about 50/60 kids)

She wants it to be a disco / 70s theme fancy dress.

Dsd (15) has said it’s a terrible idea and that she’s too old for fancy dress, either nobody will come or they won’t dress up and she will get laughed at.

AIBU to throw a fancy dress party for 13 year olds? Would your kids not want to go or think that was embarrassing?

Sounds like a great idea. Do the theme and put fancy dress optional but maybe a prize for best fancy dress to encourage others to join in with her.

I’d listen to your DSD if I were you. I’m not sure it’s usual to throw such a huge party for a 13 year old.
Cinema/ bowling and/ or pizza for close friends might be better.

DSD would have been ok with this at 13, as a friend group they're always dressing up for events and gigs!

50/60 is an awful lot. I don't think people would come unless she was very popular.

I would listen to the 15 year old

She doesn’t have a small group of close friends yet though

Not 70s. That just won't work

I have a 13 yo and they do like dressing up on Halloween still. I think it's probably best as non fancy dress.

If she doesn’t have a group of close friends, she doesn’t have 50-60 friends who’ll turn up in fancy dress either. This has the potential to go very badly.

I think that it's one of those things that can vary huge depending on the area, kids, theme of the fancy dress, how popular the birthday person is, etc.

Fancy dress seems to go in phrases with it being fun as young kids, a bit lame for mid teens and then the height of hilarity again in uni/early twenties with the start of stag and hen dos etc.

Given your specific position (your dd is the new girl without many close friends) I would be wanting to do whatever possible make sure as many people as possible came, so if there's the potential of the fancy dress putting them off would remove that element and just do the party.

But tbh I do think that with a big party you are risking a lot of upset if kids don't turn up as it will be really obvious in a big venue in a way it wouldn't be if it was just a few invited to the cinema etc. Sorry I think I am leaning more towards DSD view on this one.

A lot of them won’t want to dress up 70s (especially the boys) and may say they will come but then not turn up as they haven’t bothered to sort a costume. Plus it’s an extra expense for guests. Just do disco theme, with dress code as disco/party wear.

If she doesn't have a small group of friends who will be guaranteed to turn up at a party then surely the chances of 50-60 vague acquaintances turning up is even less?

It does seem like a strange decision to have the big party at a time when she knows the fewest people. I'd try and get her to do something small with just the family or a few friends from her old school if she has them this year, and save the big party until she's got a wider social circle. Otherwise I agree with the poster who said it could go very badly.

There is a massive risk of very few people turning up to this. If she doesn’t have a close group of friends it’s really unlikely that 50-60 kids will show up. There is a chance that only a few will.

For a party like this to work there needs to be a core group of really enthusiastic friends in my opinion.

Can you invite the ones she is most friendly with for a smaller gathering?

The fancy dress is no problem but I can't imagine them being interested much in the 1970s??

You are never too old for fancy dress but I think 70's is a difficult theme. I wouldn't have clue what to wear for a 70's theme. Colours, letters or popular culture (book/tv/film characters) are often easier. Fancy dress can be so much fun for creative kids and it was big deal at my school.

How the heck will you supervise 60’13 year olds?

Sounds like a nightmare

The thought behind the big party was that it has the potential to be much more fun and gives her a chance to reach and make a better connection with a larger variety of people who she already is friendly with.

the party would be at our house / garden and we would invite some other friends and family. I would have thought by I inviting 50-60 it’s unlikely non one would turn up and if anything they’re more likely to go if all their other friends are also invited?

I hear the replies about the fancy dress though

You could have 70s disco style props available for taking selfies etc

An alphabet party where everyone dresses as their initial Harry came as a hotdog for example.

I don't think most 13 year olds would get 70s. And their parents would be mildly irritated having to buy costumes

Agree-60 teenagers in the house! Why not hire a venue?

Dd had an end of y6 party with all 60ish kids that was fine and dsd has had a few house parties with slightly less as well and again no problems.

there also isn’t anywhere near us really

Id be very wary of fancy dress for that age group - costumes that fit them are aimed at adults and the women's ones can be a bit much for that age. Id maybe do the theme and supply some accessories - glasses, hats etc.

Fancy dress is a bad idea for that age imho. Also a bizarre theme for that age. Kids will likely not bother turning up because many won’t be making the effort to think of a 70’s costume and no parents are going to want to pay for it.

If she wants to make some closer connections a huge party becomes a bit faceless and she won’t be spending time with people for any significant period. A huge party for this age is also really unusual and a disco isn’t again something they do at this age.

I would have her invite a far smaller group to do bowling/cinema so she gets to know some people. Invite girls she knows are also friendly with each other so they’ll want to go too.

All lovely ideas and if you knew the kids/school etc you could do it as fancy dress is enjoyed - but not by everyone, so it will alienate some people who would maybe otherwise attend. I still think most 13 year olds would think a fancy dress disco at this age is a little young for them.

70’s theming is quite bizarre for that age however. As an adult I would also be a bit stumped for 70’s!

My daughter - a little bit older, has been to a few parties recently and she’s referred to them as ‘themed’ rather than fancy dress. I think some go all out, others just subtle touches to said theme, so maybe suggest fancy dress / theme as optional? The latest parties seem to be 2000´s themed, as daughter asked to borrow some shoes that I’d kept from my clubbing days 😂🙈

To be honest if the party is at your house it’s less of an issue. If 15 people turn up no one will know there were supposed to be a lot more. It’s only if it’s a big empty venue she’ll be embarrassed as it will be obvious.

Has she spoken to her friends about the theme? Disco is fine in my opinion as is fancy dress but 70s isn’t something I think kids that age would relate to